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pris
New Member
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Posted: 22 Mar 2008 02:12 am |
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I posted this on the "daily diary" forum but thought I should put this on the eating disorder topic cause I think its appropriate. I will cont the daily thing.
 Gonna try this daily thing. GOnna try to be honest and see if this helps. Today I got doughnuts. Couldnt just get a couple, Had to get a dozen. Now my excuse was they were for my sons.
Day started out stressed. All out of my usual routine of waking, showering, weighing myself. Dressing. etc. Having my protein shake, B vitamins and some spirulina. Thats my usual work week morning.
Instead drove son to finals,(on my day off) got doughnuts, ate one doughnut(cinnamon roll) just one, not bad. I'll just adjust my 1500 cal a day and eat healthy rest of day. Well my mother insisted on making lunch. Crab Cakes fried in olive oil and an olive oil and spinach and tomato salad(salad is swimming in it. She's big on olive oil, really big. Doesnt realize a tablespoon is about 120 cals and she uses alot. SHe also uses alot of mayo again about 100 cals per teaspoon and she just pours it on. SHe doesnt believe me when I tell her its not just that Im trying to keep the weight off but that truly my stomach cant handle all that oil. Well it made me queasy and by the time I got home I felt so sick that I felt like vomiting. I couldnt. SO just dealt with it.
Well I didnt deal with it very well. I saw the box of doughnuts and preceeded to have just a bit of the outside of cinnamon roll doughnut, which lead to the outside of another, and another and another 4 and a half? Well now I really felt ill. WHat to do? My mind just started adding up all the calories, 400 plus, 400 plus, 400 plus, 400 plus..... plus the all that olive oil and crab cakes(way over my daily number of cals) Panic. I felt really sick. I made myself vomit. I felt awful. I hate vomiting and since deciding to loose weight Ive only done this 3 or 4 times now. I started a year and a half ago. Have kept weight off and am very scared to gain it all back( lost 50lbs) I mentioned in my intro that I have many family members with eating disorders as well as bi-polars etc. My moms sister went from morbidly obese (5' 2" over 300lbs) to anorexia/bulemia (80lbs) So Im very aware.
Today I felt out of control and frightened. Am I going down a bad road? or was I just plain too full and needed to get rid of all those doughnuts? When my brother was diagnosed with bi-polar I was scared, cause my aunt and cousin both have it. DId I have it? Went to psychiatrist that diagnosed my brother and he told me I had no signs of it, and the plain fact that I even was aware and thinking about it made him doubt it too, cause bipolar never think anything is wrong with them. Big denials and mood swings and I had none of those, Im pretty even. But I do get stressed. I have always been prone to overeating, since a very young age (12) but never gained weight, ate like a pig. Rarely gained. Having kids and being in a bad marriage changes things. I gained and gained and had lots of trouble loosing till I finally decided to loose it.
Back to today. What happened. I feel better now(physically) after getting all those doughnuts out, but I feel "guilty" I lost control. I cheated. I threw up. Why did I eat all those in the first place when I already felt sick from all the oil in what I ate earlier?
Im gonna see if by doing this daily diet journal, I can figure it out. Plus by posting it up for all to see it might
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cportwine
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 27 Mar 2008 01:36 pm |
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Wow, I have to applaud you in telling your story. I don't know if I could of been so honest. I have never had a problem with throwing up. I tried a few times, couldn't do it. So, it's never been a problem for me. I do kind of what you do, but before I eat it. I treat certain foods like they have a disease. I know that probably don't help you in your situation but hopefully someone on here will have some good advise.
I do think the diary is a good idea. I started one also. I think it makes us accountable for our actions.
Hope things get better for you...... 
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lucaluca
New Member
| Joined: | 4 Apr 2008 |
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| Posts: | 1 |
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Posted: 5 Apr 2008 04:12 am |
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Pris,
So basically, what you did is pretty normal for someone who overeats or is a girl ( I swear we females just really like binging or something). I have done that many times before and yes it stinks. I was not hungry to begin with, it kept making me feel so full I was almost going to barf, and it made me feel guiltier and guiltier. The only way I have gotten past it is when I try to not eat after 9pm and brush my teeth after dinner (my problem is eating a lot after dindin). I was really good this whole year, eating healthy, no high fructose corn syrup, no trans fat, staying in my caloric needs, exercising, but the thing is now I miss all the good "bad" food so much, that I am gaining weight back because I have limited myself too much for too long, and now I just binged like crrrazy and wasnt even hungry! sooo...i think we all need to not be so hard on ourselves and try to see why we eat when we aren't hungry. its really hard to stop yourself once you start binging, i know this much. i need to take my own advice, but i think you need to address the problem (if its like emotional or stress eating), get rid of bad food in the house (except for maybe special occasions), and train yourself to stop once you start binging until you can stop yourself from ever binging. it feels so much better waking up in the morning and knowing you ate a healthy amount the day before, i love that. but i too struggle with compulsive over-eating. its really weird. sorry if im rambling, just want you to know you're not alone, and dont feel guilty, because that guilt just leads to more binging and low self esteem I have found. be positive, have faith, and write out healthy ways to get better. for example, brushing your teeth after you know you have eaten a healthy amount (make sure you dont eat too little) and then maybe go for a walk, read a book, paint, talk to a friend. hopefully this is helping! good luck, and just dont worry, life is too short to get so mad at yourself over eating too much. lets just try to respect ourselves by eating healthy foods, exercising, leading good lives and forgiving ourselves (while trying to limit compulsive eating) when we make mistakes- we are only human.
Take care!
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sara
New Member
| Joined: | 18 Mar 2008 |
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| Posts: | 12 |
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Posted: 13 Apr 2008 03:58 pm |
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Hello Pris, I am bulimic and tend to overeat when I'm stressed or unhappy. A while ago I was at a point where I felt like once I started eating I really couldn't stop. I always end up purging because I'm afraid of gaining weight.
Right now I'm fine, I haven't overeaten or purged lately. So you can try what I did, but it isn't easy. A short fast, like three to seven days can help with binge eating. The first day or two are very hard but once you get past that you stop really being hungry. Just those few days of not binge eating were enough to take my mind off food and focus on other things. I think it sort of breaks the cycle. And now I feel really full after a meal of 500 cals instead of feeling like a bottomless pit.
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pris
New Member
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Posted: 14 Apr 2008 04:17 pm |
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Thanx for the reply, Ive never been able to fast, I always feel really weak and like fainting, but many can do it. Is fasting "good on your system?" I always wondered. I heard that fasting is not really complete not eating or drinking. I think you need to drink something or you would dehydrate? The thing that has helped me alot this time, was counting calories.
By counting, it made me aware of what I ate and how it ate. I also didnt remove any "foods" from my diet, as, at least for me, taking away certain foods only made me want them more and made me make excuses for trying to loose weight.
I admire you for being honest and telling us of your bulemic experience. I have an aunt that is bulemic. SHe used to be very obese and was overweight since childhood. Her eating disorders were created mostly by my grandmother, who was the type of person that believed in giving her children food as a reward and attention that she could not express physically as a normal mother.
My mom(her sister) said that my aunt was constantly stuffed as a child, and encoraged to eat to make her mother "happy" so to get approval she ate and ate. Later in life she had many ailments due to her overweight condition(5' 2" , 300lbs) and she had her stomach "stapled?". But she ate so much she broke the sutures.
Anyway, she became bulemic and has been for about 7 years.
I overeat, and have had that tendancy since about 13. Never really became a problem since after my 2 sons. Gained weight and finally lost it in the last year and a half. I still find myself dealing with the tendancy to overeat occasionally. I dont really think im bulemic, I know on the few times I have thrown up that it takes such a toll on my physically that I dont want to do it.
My body really gets sick when I have thrown up, my eyelids get these little red specks that take days to go away, my face gets so pale, my throat hurts for days, I dont know how my aunt(and others that are bulemic) can eat what little they do, and slip off to the bathroom(public and at home) and come back in a few minutes looking like nothing happened? No ruddiness, no glassy eyes, no sick "look" or smell?
She says that it just becomes efortless, and that she doesnt even have to "make" herself purge. No straining. I hope in not in denial, but I havent thrown up since I intially starting posting on this forum, and I think it has helped me in the since that I know how ill I feel when I overeat to the point of feeling like im gonna blow, and I have avoided it pretty well.
I have had a few times with doughnuts been tempted to overeat them, and I have, but I havent thrown up, I just sort of think about what made me go over the edge and I just eat lighter the next few days. I think these forums really help me to deal with the "why" and I will hope to someday control or even better not even have to think about why I overeat, but just not "do it" naturally. I think I will see about getting help from a therapist or concellor, cause it is a very concious problem and I think if you have the resources to get help one should.
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sara
New Member
| Joined: | 18 Mar 2008 |
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| Posts: | 12 |
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Posted: 15 Apr 2008 10:41 am |
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The red spots on your eyes, eyelids and face are from capillaries breaking. This is caused by the force of making yourself vomit when the body doesn't want to. Capillaries usually don't break when someone has food poisoning or drinks too much. It's a bad sign, so I'm glad you said you have stopped. Most people who purge a lot have ways of making it easier on their bodies. Your aunt sounds like a pretty serious case. After years of this kind of behavior you can 'train' your stomach to empty after you eat. It is very very bad.
As for fasting, there are all kind. Usually they say it's best to go on a juice fast. But if counting calories works then that's great. I used to despair when I would loose control and my days worth of calories would be gone by lunch time :)
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pris
New Member
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Posted: 15 Apr 2008 02:00 pm |
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Despair, what a perfect word for it. It really hard to find someone who understand the feeling, its beyond just feeling depressed, or sad or dissapointed. When you lose control and just start to shovel something in your mouth and feel like its an outer body experience, youre watching yourself with disgust and you cant look away.
Then its like they put you back in your body and all you feel is a horrible "fullness", it hurts. Like I said I have only let myself throw up about 5 times in the last almost 2 years since taking control of my eating habits. I let myself/incouraged because I could feel the food up to the back of my throat. I would start to burp so hard that the food would just start come up to my mouth. Sometimes id have to run to the bathroom so it would not just fly out, so I dont think its really bulimea? I guess I should go to the doctor/therapist and explain all this and find out for sure.
After comes the despair. WHy? why did I eat soooooooo much? Its sick, you just sit there in despair.
I know for years I had acid reflux, also another problem brought upon by overeating, especially really hot/spicy foods. That made me nauseaus all the time. I have had quite a few upper GI/endoscopys done, no damage at all.
Well, take it one day at a time, as long as we are aware of the  monster inside, and find ways to control it. FInd comfort in someone that understands and supports you and most important is aware of the dangers, so that if they see any warning signs they can at least know what to do, and let someone, like a doctor know your history.
And thats the hard part, when you make the decision to let someone know, are they going to be TOO suspicious in all your actions? Too judgemental? IF they are also bulemic or have same problems as you are they going to bring you donw with them?
It hard. But there is someone out there its just hard to find.
Wish you strength
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sara
New Member
| Joined: | 18 Mar 2008 |
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| Posts: | 12 |
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Posted: 15 Apr 2008 04:51 pm |
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Telling the truth is difficult. When I first started having symptoms of bulimia I still lived at home and my parents did not understand. My mom heard me vomiting a few times and once she found my stash of laxatives. She got upset and she was very angry. Anger wasn't really the best thing (she wouldn't talk to me for days) but you are an adult now and you get to choose who you let in. The best thing is to be honest with yourself and not hurt yourself. Once you do the damage it's done. So yeah, I think it's better to go to a doctor and get some help. Though not all doctors are sympathetic. I once had a doctor tell me to just 'stop eating so much'. Depending on your doctor and how your health insurance works you can usually just request to be referred to a psychiatrist who has experience with eating disorders, including overeating. They can help you. The sooner you get help the better. I am waiting to see a doctor right now, I have another week before they can see me. Sometimes I wish I had done that years ago but people make the best choices of the options available to them.
Anyway, I think you are on the right track.
Last edited on 15 Apr 2008 04:53 pm by sara
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celinalamar
New Member
| Joined: | 13 Mar 2008 |
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| Posts: | 3 |
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Posted: 16 Apr 2008 10:55 am |
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Hi pris,
Thanks for posting... I can totally relate to you. I haven't thrown up in a while. I have been taking all the recommended supplements according to "The Diet Cure". There's a whole chapter in there about bulemia. Interesting that, not only does is cause chemical imbalance, but it is a result of chemical imbalance. Turns into a vicious cycle of sorts - so you have to balance your system out. Takes some time t though. I feel a LOT better and the weight has been coming off. I have been doing several things though, exercise about 5x week, acupuncture, b12/lipotropic shots, some herbs... I can honestly say that I have not had a compulsion to binge in about three months now (record for me). Don't know if that little demon is gone but I feel more in control than ever. I do highly recommend the book though - very logical and systematic approach. Take care...
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pris
New Member
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Posted: 16 Apr 2008 03:34 pm |
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Thanx for the recommendation on the book, I will check it out. Good luck to all, interesting about it being a chemical imbalance( the overeating? or the bulemic tendencies?) cause in my family there are many with imbalances. We have everything from the morbidly obese to anorexic/bulemics, bi-polars, szchito, etc. Ive always kept aware of the many symptoms for myself and now of course because I have 2 sons.
When my brother was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder I was very worried about myself and his therapist met with the whole family, quite a few times. I also met with the psychiatrist just to make sure. My aunt(the one with anorexia/bulemia) is bi-polar, my cousin is bi-polar(tends to binge, dont think shes bulemic) and there have been many "excentrics" in the past.
If I can help myself thru diet etc. I will look into it. I want to see a therapist that specializes in eating disorders, just in case. SOmetimes we ignore the not so obvious clues.
Thanx again!
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findyfums
New Member
| Joined: | 26 Apr 2009 |
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| Posts: | 1 |
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Posted: 26 Apr 2009 02:31 pm |
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LOL over a year ago but seriously im going to make what you ate seem like a walk in the park.
1 reason to say no to drugs:
Munchiesss
Okay friday:
nothing until 9pm: 1/2 pack of cookies + 1 slice of pizza
Saturdayy: 1litre bannana milkshake, 100g fudge nugart, 110g pick n mix, squares bar, pear, apple, 7 samosas, 50g of cheese. + 2 protein whey and milk shakes :)
Sundayyy: 3 protein and whey milk shakes, 500ml energy shake, 1 tin of vegtable chilli, chips, 5 slices of toast, 3 cheese sandwichs, fruit smoothie, 3 apples + 2 pears....
i starved myself all the way to friday living on protein shakes alone and well ive paid for it now 5 days without food = 2 days of binging
Oh btw the stuff that wasnt drinks in the days were all eaten in one sitting about 4pm-5pm 
Did i mention its still sunday,
im probably gunna eat more,,,,, after my stomachs stopped hurting
roll on monday
Last edited on 26 Apr 2009 02:32 pm by findyfums
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bob367
New Member
| Joined: | 5 May 2009 |
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| Posts: | 3 |
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Posted: 6 May 2009 07:25 am |
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| dont give up its hard to continue in the light of failure but continue on you are strong you will be able to beat it
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Past Member
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Posted: 16 May 2009 06:16 am |
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Hi)
First of all, I want to say that you are already strong if you admit that you have a problem and the good thing is that you are ready to talk about it and tackle these issues.
Keeping a diary is important because you can see in response to what feelings and situations you overeat-that will help to identify your triggers and then plan how to deal with them in other ways instead of overeating.
You need to plan your meals and their times for every single day and really stick to them whether you are hungry or not.That is a must if you want to stop overeating.
You need a balanced nutritional programme to prevent binges..and get the right ratio of carbs/protein/fat.
Do you usually have sweet cravings?
If yes,then you may be deficient in magnesium and chromium.
Start eating green leafy veg,avocado,nuts,seeds and complex carbs(buckwheat,brown rice,wholmeal bread,wholegrain pasta).
"Having kids and being in a bad marriage changes things. I gained and gained and had lots of trouble loosing till I finally decided to loose it."
Of course,it does change things but we need to find another ways to deal with it and start a new life without food addiction.
You have to explore the underlying issues of your overeating and marriage too.
Visit <Link removed>
You may find it useful.Read the articles and check the e-support and therapy service.
We women tend to overeat when things go wrong but that is only the wrong reactions to stress and life hardships and it is possible to overcome it and recover.
"Is fasting "good on your system?" I always wondered."
Fasting is no good for you because it dehydrates you if you do not drink and also it leads to binges if you already have a problem with eating...you need to eat regularly and have your meals planned.
"I also didnt remove any "foods" from my diet, as, at least for me, taking away certain foods only made me want them more and made me make excuses for trying to loose weight."
That is a good approach.Dividing foods into "good" and "bad",only makes us rebel and overeat the "wrong stuff".
Everything is ok in moderation only.
Last edited on 16 May 2009 10:44 am by
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