| when your body rebels against you... |
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mirrormeg
New Member
| Joined: | 4 Aug 2007 |
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| Posts: | 2 |
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Posted: 7 Aug 2007 12:38 am |
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Hi, I am completely new to this forum but wanted to share... I have had disordered eating habits and talked about diets since I was age 3. Now when I look back at pictures from when I was a young girl, I was actually very wiry and ate aTON, but I always thought I was fat. Now I KNOW that I am. My eating disorder (anorexia, compulsive exercising) has been at its worst since '00. I had a brief period of recovery in between (in which I had to eat 4000+ calories a day to maintain the lowest healthy weight I could be!) , but then due to a busy schedule and picking up exercise again, I started missing out on meals and then started GAINING weight, and not muscle either!That made me restrict again and work out 2-3 x per day, only to go up about 6 sizes and forty pounds. I kept dieting and exercising, and got my weight back down to the lowest possible healthy weight for my height after about 2.5 yrs, until I was exercising off 1000 calories a day and eating 300 or less, but still hated the way I looked. When I started gaining weight again this past fall without changing any other habits, I was at my wits end & in Jan. started working with an AMAZING nutritionist. I've gradually worked my way up to 1700 calories with about 9 hrs of exercise per week (weight lifting & cardio). I briefly lost some weight when I started to increase calories, but for the past two months I haven't stopped gaining again & have gone up 4 sizes in that period of time. I have a thicker layer of body fat in my stomach and in my thighs, which I know is probably the unhealthiest place to have it. I also was told to lower my heart rate during exercise (it used to be at 85% or more during workouts, I used a POLAR monitor) but I'm finding that I seem to be losing conditioning and muscle tone lately. My nutritionist says I should be eating more & exercising less & that things will probably even out that way, & even though I respect her & she is reknowned in her field, I 'm scared to. I eat healthy- good balance of low GI carbs, lean protein, & unsaturated fat- & although I have a family history of thyroid problems tests have always come back normal. I know that I need to stop focusing so much on my body size in order to truly recover, but I feel like there has to be a compromise between being anorexic & unhealthy & being puffy, swollen, overweight. I don't want to be sickly, I just want to be the lowest possible healhty weight & LOOK healthy, & eat well to have energy & be happy. I was always naturally thin (though I have medium-sized frame at 5'2) & mostly muscular during the times when even if I thought about diets a lot, I basically ate whatever I wanted (which was a lot). So I don't think it's totally against my genetics to be muscular & lean. Right now I am 25 yrs old, but I don't know my weight exactly (tends to mess with my head too much & cause more harm than good).
Anyway, sorry to ramble on, but it does make me feel better to know that other people have experienced this, because I always thought I was the only one when I saw other anorexics that I knew recover into healthy, thin bodies. Any comments, thoughts, suggestions, etc. about this would be much appreciated.
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Peter
Founder of this forum
| Joined: | 24 May 2005 |
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| Posts: | 4180 |
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Posted: 12 Aug 2007 10:39 pm |
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My dealings with food are so different that I don't have much to offer except thanks for sharing. Many more people read these forums than post in them so even if you don't get another reply know that you are helping others by telling them that they are not alone.
Peter
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i miss myself
New Member
| Joined: | 19 Feb 2007 |
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| Posts: | 2 |
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Posted: 18 Oct 2007 09:17 pm |
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| I don't really know what to say, but having been at an eating disorder clinic, I've seen other girls go through the same things. You can't try to reason things out because that's not how a recovering body works, you just need to trust your nutritionist. Side Note: Have you heard of the law of attraction? If you continually say to yourself you're fat, eventually you will become fat. And it true, it happened to me.
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