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Another Diet Forum > Individuals > Please Help Me, I'm Stuck! > What to do when you just don't know where to start? |
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Ladychef New Member 
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Hello, I'm new. This seems like a good place to finally get some things off of my chest. Bear with me. For background, I'm 43 and happily married for 2 and 1/2 years. My husband is 43 also and at his ideal weight for his height. He may go up 5 pounds here and there but can lose it in no time because he is active. I was always fit and thin growing up. I'm 5'3 and was around 115 to 120 pounds when I got married the first time at 24. The first few years were fine but I did start gaining weight in the 'honeymoon phase'. Just about 10 pounds which didn't really bother me. I was still active and loved to go dancing. Then little problems started happeneing in my marriage. It's too long a story to go into here but my attitiude started changing somewhere along the way. My first husband had weight issues his whole life, as did his family. I picked up some bad habits from him - second helpings, eating desserts every day and the like and those habits were starting to show on my body. We quit going out and never really got any exercise anymore. We'd go for the occasional walk but it started being 'Where shall we eat out tonight' instead of 'Wanna go for a walk' if you see what I mean. Before I knew it, I had put on 30 pounds. I went on Weight Watchers and lost the extra weight in 3 months. I was really into the plan and followed it closely. But then as things started to unravel I fell back into old habits and the weight came back on. About 8 years ago, I had some major family losses in my life. I was SO upset and depressed by this point. I wasn't on medication as I didn't need it because I KNEW the answers, I just was avoiding doing anything about my situation. By 2002 everything had reached a head. My husband had put on weight and now weighed 280 and was having medical problems. I had now put on a total of 68 pounds, weighed 188 and was miserable and starting to have physical problems too. We just were not working out due to differing factors, so I left and we got a divorce. I went on a crash diet, exercised 5 days a week and lost 45 pounds in 3 months - but I was starving and crying everyday. I was still trying to heal from my past issues though. Things did start to look up. I met my current husband after a year out on my own. I had put on a little bit of weight (14 pounds - 159 total) by this time. We were so well matched and I was happy. We got married and I moved away. Now, we have been doing our own 'honeymoon eating' but as I stated, he loses it quickly. Me? I just keep gaining. My body has also started shifting things around too! My stomach has become flabby and folded. My back has folds of fat. I have terrible cellulite and now the signs of Roscea are showing on my face. I have now gained up to 175. In my stupid brain I keep thinking I can just lose this like that *snaps fingers*, but we all know better. I can't seem to get motivated. I start diets and quit after a week. I am not motivated to exercise either. I think about food constantly and eat when ever I feel like it, not when I am hungry. I beat myself up about eating the food, even though I try to talk myself out of eating it in the first place. What makes it worse is I cook for a living - coffee shop type items - so I am constantly tempted to 'taste and sample'. I want to loose this extra weight but I just don't know where to start. HELP! |
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Paint-Mom Distinguished Member 
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You have already started! Welcome to this site -- it got tons of good info and great people! We will be here for you too. LoseItforlife.com is a great site also. The past semester I coordinated a weekly workshop using his materials - - You will find much strength in exercising your control over food! I have been experiencing less hunger today -- I have a sinus infection &/or allergies so that may be the reason -- but I prayed and will continue to pray that I make better food choices and get fit. Again, welcome. and God Bless you!  Grand-MOM |
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corwin1 New Member
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You obviously want to lose the weight which is a good thing. The key, I think is not killing yourself emotionally over it all. Losing weight takes time. It took a while to gain it, so it will take a while to lose it. Nothing will happen in a few weeks or 2 months. You have to commit to a change in lifestyle, not weight loss. The only way to lose weight and keep it off is to quit dieting and change your lifestyle. Most diets fail because they are all short term based. They do not take into consideration long term goals and overall lifestyle change. It's no wonder the commercial diet is a billion dollar industry. Temptation is always going to be there. Don't beat yourself up over it. Have a plan and stick to it. Change jobs if there is too much temptation there...go work for a healh food store!! The keys to any successful weight loss (fat, not muscle or water) is a combination of reducing your caloric intake and excersizing combined with determination. It is the only successful way to keep fat at bay as you age. Try the thermic effect for a couple of weeks. Studies prove that if you eat smaller meals every 3 hours (not 2, not 5 but every 3 hours) rather than the traditional 3 big ones, you turn off what is referred to as "Starvation Protection Mode". It means your body does not store fat and will burn fat to use as energy rather than burning muscle, which is what happens with this "mode" turned on. Eating smaller meals more frequently keeps your metabolism up which in turn will help you burn more calories. The key is every three hours. the more frequently you eat, the less likely you are to feel hungry all the time. Weight bearing excersize is also very beneficial. Muscle burns 3 times as many calories as fat. You don't need to run 10 miles or swim the ocean to build muscle. You can find hundreds of free weight bearing excersizes on the internet and you can do them in the comfort of your own home without having to spend any money!! Starving yourself, eating birdseed or taking "meal replacements" simply doesn't work so don't even bother with the fad diets. Eat healthy. The key to feeling full is the right combination of food. The easy way is this: eat lots of fiber and drink plenty of fluid. Fiber makes you full. Period. Fruit, Veggies, Whole Grains are the key. Fiber also aids digestion and clears out toxins in the body so you feel better and have more energy to excersize. You have the power to make some wonderful changes in your life. Do it, stick to it and feel great! |
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Ladychef New Member
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Thank you for your words of encouragement. Your advice is very helpful.  |
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Waterthrush Senior Member 
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I'm a proponent of everyone finding a uniquely individual approach to weight loss. That said, I don't think many people can manage to make and sustain weight loss without some kind of exercise, but "exercise" can cover a vast territory! It doesn't have to be turbo jam or a gym or jogging. Is there any - any - kind of physical activity you could sustain over a long period of time? The most basic exercise is walking. This also happens to be the most popular form. On the other end of the spectrum are highly structured group classes. And, it is a spectrum - you probably can find some place along it for yourself. What is easiest for you to start and maintain? You have mentioned walking and you have mentioned dancing. Would you enjoy doing either alone? I don't dance very well, but I understand that it can be excellent exercise, and there are plenty of videos available. What time of day is available to you? You mentioned your husband is fit - would he enjoy taking walks with you or dancing with you? I know it is tough getting exercise in every day. I don't really enjoy my time on a treadmill. I try not to think about it, which is why I gravitate to a treadmill - it doesn't take much thought. As for food, what about food is your greatest problem? Sweets? Big portions? Eating out? Could you measure portions for some or all of your food? Or would you be more amenable to a strict diet plan like South Beach or something, where everything is laid out for you? I think the starting point is in those tutorials here where you figure out your RMR and BMR. Once you have those numbers, you can see what kinds of reductions you have to make. Good luck! |
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Cornelia New Member 
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Welcome, Ladychef! Here is my best advice: Patience. We all want to lose weight so quickly and when we don't, we get so quickly discouraged. I have always said this to myself: "it took me years to put on this weight; I can't expect it to come off in weeks or a few months." The good news is that it probably won't take you the same amount of time to lose it as you had gained it. Second advice: take baby steps. If you get into this full speed ahead, it will overwhelm you, you will starve, and you will get easily tired. Each day move a little, eat something a little bit healthier, eliminate a little bit of unhealthy food, restrict your portions of food a little. With every small action you will feel a sense of encouragement, empowerment. After one week, take each step further and further. The idea is to take it one day at a time. Be proactive about it, not letharic. Be progressive about it, not static. And this applies to excercising and eating. For example: start your week off with walking, then try hiking after a few weeks, then try running. Third advice: eliminate as many artificial ingredients as possible because they are known to be highly, highly addictivce - it makes people want to eat more, causes allergies, digestive problems, and more. Eliminate ingredients you can't pronounce, artificial fats (hydrogenatd oils), artificial colors, artificial flavors (this one especially!). For myself, I started feeling better and losing weight after eliminating these synthetic chemicals. Yes, they are synthetic - made in a chemistry lab. Fourth advice: Read, read, read. Go to the library, read this forum. Some great books to inspire you: Fast Food Nation. For general health: The One Hundred Year Lie. I wish you the best of luck. I know its not easy. Its tough. But remember to count the small things as an accomplishment. Feel like a champion each time you conquer a goal no matter how little it is. Even if its just a walk. And remember, be patient. |
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Peter Founder of this forum 
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Ladychef, Knowledge is key to success, not the next fad diet or the one after that. I suggest you begin with the Tutorial. Welcome and best wishes! Peter  |
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Ladychef New Member
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Thanks for all the help and welcomes. You all have given some good advice. For me the biggest obstacle is not beating myself up every time I put food in my mouth. Feeling guilty about eating something is a bad habit that I need to shake. I can't change jobs at the moment, unfortunately. I do walk or ride my bicycle when I can, though I don't get a chance everyday. My husband wants to ride his bike more so we have decided we'll both get up at 5:30 am and he'll go ride his bike and I'll exercise to one of my tapes. I like to ride my bike in the evenings, I'm not coherent enough in the morning. He rides with me in the evenings if he is not working too late. I do try to pay attention to the ingredients in food. Since there is only the two of us, I limit the fresh veg because it goes off before we can eat it all but I keep a variety of frozen veg that we steam. I tend to avoid processed or ready made meals. I have read a bit on the tutorial and I will continue with it. There is some useful tools in it. Thanks once again. :) |
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