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Another Diet Forum > Individuals > My Diary - Post Your Diary On-line > If at first you don't succeed... by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member 
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So... I'm back again. Since I left off my other diary last autumn, I lost some weight, then gained it back plus more, then got so utterly disgusted with myself that I decided to give up 10 lbs for Lent (very selfless, I know ;)) which I did, albeit not in a particularly healthy fashion. On Easter, I was going to let myself eat whatever I wanted to celebrate, and then go back to healthy eating. Well, Easter was fabulous, but I had all that leftover food lying about. I should have thrown it away, I suppose, but there was a lot of it and it hadn't been cheap! What a waste that would have been! So... I basically ended up binging all week... until yesterday, when I didn't eat at all. Then today I binged again, mostly on Ghirardelli chocolate. Seriously, Ghirardelli should be its own food group. I've had the 60% Cacao dark chocolate squares, the dark chocolate squares with raspberry filling, and the "Espresso Escape" dark chocolate with ground espresso beans. Ahhh, so good! Hence my name  Anyway I've decided to start my diary on here again because my eating has got much worse over the past few months. I've been doing things I never did before, like going a day or two without eating at all, and binging much worse than before, stuffing food in even when I was in physical pain from eating so much. Hopefully if I know other people are seeing what I am doing I will be a bit more sensible about the whole business of eating. So... I am going to finish off this chocolate tonight and start recording tomorrow! (I'm writing this now because I can't sleep thanks to the espresso beans in the chocolate :D)! |
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Peter Founder of this forum 
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Welcome back. Let me see now, did I succeed the first time? No, I don't think so. ;) Peter  |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Today is not looking good. So, I put the laundry in this morning and on our cards at my university there are different accounts. I have plenty of money in one, but it is not the one that the washing machines/dryers use. Now by some quirk of the system, when you buy something on the card at a vending machine it takes the amount of the highest-priced item from your card, and if you select something for less than that it refunds the change to the other account, which just happens to be the one that the laundry uses. Thus, in order to do laundry, I must buy something from the vending machine. Well, this morning I was good, and just left the packet of cookies in the vending machine as a treat for the next person who came along. Unfortunately, that person was me an hour later when I came back to put my clothes in the dryer. So now I have 2 packets of cookies, and have eaten 4 of them (205 calories). I am feeling a binge coming on, so I think what I am going to do is go get some fruit, yogurt, and other healthy stuff and just let myself eat that so that I don't end up running to the rubbish in the vending machine on impulse. It will still be lots of calories, but at least they will have nutrients and not just sugar... Once before when I let myself have a binge on healthy food it made it easier to get back to a healthy diet the next day (the day after a binge is always the hardest for me). Er, make that 5 cookies. :chew: Last edited on 23 Apr 2006 05:49 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Well, the store was pretty much out of fruit. All they had were apples and one last package of raspberries, which I discovered to be moldy. On the positive side, I did completely finish off the remaining chocolate, so that won't be a temptation tomorrow  . Since I was being bad anyway, I decided for dinner to try this barbecue place that I hadn't tried yet because they didn't have their nutrition information posted. I have a thing about trying foods and restaurants that I've never had. I use it as an excuse for eating all sorts of awful things. Anyway, here is the damage I did today:Cookies 2 packages 405 Yogurt 2 6-oz cups 200 Whole-wheat bread 4 slices 280 Apple 1 60 Barbecue sandwich (actually it was some sort of vegan stuff instead of meat--I hadn't heard of it before but I decided to give it a try) 1 ~400? Green beans ~1/2 cup ~80? Mashed potatoes ~1/2 cup ~150? Espresso chocolate 3 1/2 squares 233 60% cacao chocolate 5 squares 275 Total: 2083 (ouch!) Tomorrow I really will be good... Last edited on 24 Apr 2006 01:56 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Well, so far so good today . I just ate lunch even though I wasn't hungry, because I won't get the chance again until 2:30 and I was afraid I would be more likely to eat bad stuff if I waited. Vegetable soup, cottage cheese, garbanzo beans, kidney beans, and peaches, yum. It was nice to get some "real food" after all of those cookies and candies. By the way, any tips on estimating amounts of food? I try to guess at how much is 1/2 cup, but I'm afraid that my guesses are a bit generous sometimes.;) I'm trying not to get to the point where I go down the salad bar with a measuring cup and a scale! Last edited on 24 Apr 2006 05:19 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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YAY!!! Finally a good day after so many bad ones! Here's my calorie count for the day: Vegetable soup 1 bowl ~100 Cottage cheese ~1/2 cup 70 Garbanzo beans ~1/4 cup 60 Kidney beans ~1/4 cup 70 Peaches ~1/2 cup 70 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Banana 1 105 Total: 825 :) Last edited on 24 Apr 2006 11:05 pm by Chocoholic |
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middle age spread New Member
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Yeah for you! |
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zenobia Distinguished Member 
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doesn't it feel so much better to eat healthily after a bing? Good job to you!!! :D |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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I HATE SCALES!!!  Actually, it's all the fat on top of the scale that I hate, but that didn't stop me from giving it a good hard kick! I finally got up the courage to weigh myself this morning and I was up 5 lb from last Sunday! Ewwwwww!!! Oh well, maybe it will serve as motivation to avoid all the free food that is around as everything here at uni winds down for the year. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Weeellll, it was free scoop day at Ben & Jerry's, and some of my friends were going, so... I had a delectable scoop of chocolate peanut butter swirl . I mean it's free, it's a social activity, who can say no? And... 250 calories wouldn't be all THAT bad since it was all I had had today except that ice-cream is one of my worst trigger foods... once I taste some, I can't stop eating! So when I got back I had a slice of bread in an attempt to get the taste out of my mouth. I am now going to try to distract myself. Wish me luck! :) |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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I did manage to distract myself for the rest of the afternoon, but I had dinner with some friends tonight and it was not so good  . Then since I was having terrible ice-cream cravings (I told you I couldn't eat just one scoop!) I had to get some, and then since I need something to munch with ice-cream I got cookies too (2 different times). After that I convinced myself that I had had no real food today except the whole-wheat bread and the green beans, so... I obviously solved that problem by having more bread . So here is the final count:Ben&Jerry's ice-cream 1 scoop 250 Bread 1 slice 70 Macaroni and cheese ~1/2 cup??? ~300? Green beans ~1/2 cup ~80 Cornbread 2 1/2 small slices ~200? Chocolate pie 1 small slice ~300? Cookies 1 packet 300 Ice-cream 1 container (8oz) 340 Cookies 1 bag 290 Bread 2 slices 140 Total: 2270 The bad thing is, I don't really feel terribly full. I was actually a bit surprised when I added up those calories just now because usually I can feel when I hit 1000 (I feel satisfied) and when I hit 1500 (I feel very full). Beyond that I usually feel disgustingly, painfully full, especially beyond 2000, but right now I am feeling about a 1300-1400. How obsessive is it that I can tell all of that, haha! :?:D:? Well, tomorrow I have no social engagements involving food, and there will be no available free food that I know of, so hopefully I can burn enough calories thinking of excuses to rid myself of whatever I eventually end up eating! :D Last edited on 26 Apr 2006 03:56 am by Chocoholic |
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Peter Founder of this forum
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People don't like dieting because they don't get to eat much. As my Tutorial on low calorie diets says, you can diet on cheese cake... you just won't be eating very much! Not that you'd want to eat only green beans, but it's interesting to look at how many calories you ate today and then divide that by 80 to see how many servings of green beans you could have eaten. Certainly would have filled you up! Just a fun observation... I know you already know you could have eaten more healthy foods. Peter |
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl Distinguished Member 
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Make sure you're getting enough calories too, don't cut too far, an average of 2300 calories cut to under 1000 is a lot, if you find yourself binging a lot perhaps it's because your body is going into starvation mode. I noticed myself doing the same thing just recently. |
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middle age spread New Member
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I was just thinking about something I do often .... when I indulge in "one scoop of Ben & Jerry's", I get this mindset that "oh well, I have blown it for the day" and then just eat whatever I want the rest of the day. I think to myself "well I'll start fresh tomorrow". Is it possible that you are doing the same thing? Now, instead, I am trying to get back on track more quickly now. If I eat that scoop of ice cream, then trying to compensate by eating correctly the rest of the day. Just a thought ... |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Haha, so true about the green beans! :D It would indeed have filled me up, but I still would have eaten the ice cream because hunger is not the issue (I'm never hungry). I do love green beans though. Once-upon-a-thingirl-- I don't know where you are getting 2300, but I burn about 1500 calories a day, and that's rounding up. So, I try to aim for eating an average of 1000 a day. At this point I don't know what I could do to mess up my metabolism any more than I already have, but I think starvation is the least of my worries! :? middle age spread-- I do that too, but I am getting better. I was doing pretty well yesterday until I had that big meal in a social setting. When I got back from that, though, I had already gone way over my calorie limit, and so I just went ahead and had the ice cream.I think that this time round my motivation has been limited by the seeming inevitability of failure. I'm going home this weekend, and dieting at home is next to impossible. I did manage to do it over spring break, but that was only because I was alone for most of the time (my mom was out of town and my dad was only there at night). So right now I know that whatever I do for the next 3 or 4 days, it is probably going to result in my binging that much worse when I get home. I'm going to try extremely hard to at least not gain any more weight, because 3 weeks after I go home I'm leaving for Ecuador for the summer and I really don't want to feel fat and disgusting when I go! I shouldn't have to, as I felt wonderful just a week and a half ago, but I've already gained back so much weight and I know that the next 3 weeks are going to be bad.  |
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Katrinaro New Member 
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Chocoholic wrote:
Do your parents know that you are trying to lose weight? If not, it might help to inform them. Maybe they'd help you out and give you some accountability at home. |
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Peter Founder of this forum
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Chocoholic, are you really never hungry? I guess I messed myself up in my years with my full-blown eating disorder. I can take two hours to sip my morning OJ working on my PC, then realize it's mid afternoon and I haven't eaten anything! It's partly that I'm so compulsive and get busy with my work, but I only rarely feel hungry. Maybe if I haven't eaten hardly anything all day and I see or smell something really good. I actually get a kick out of feeling hungry because it only happens a few times a year. We must be very few in numbers.  Peter |
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl Distinguished Member
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2300 was just an average number I read a lot that the average person eats normally between 2000-2500 calories a day, I wasn't trying to imply anything. I wish I wasn't ever hungry, Peter you're very lucky! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Once-Upon-a-ThinGirl-- I wasn't trying to be rude, that sounds right for the "average" woman, but I'm really short. :) Peter-- No, I am really never hungry. I think about food so much that I usually end up eating something before I have a chance, and also I have really messed up my hunger signals, especially in the last few months. Even when I would go a day or two without eating (extremely bad, I know) I wouldn't get physically hungry. Weak and light-headed, yes, but hungry, no. Lack of energy/feeling weak is my hunger signal now because I don't get any sort of feeling in my stomach. :? I am so jealous of people who forget to eat. Even though I'm not hungry, I always count the hours until the next mealtime when I'm allowed to eat! Katrinaro-- You asked for it, so here goes my parent tirade ;) My mom (my dad thankfully isn't too intrusive into my food life) wouldn't be supportive in the way that I need. She has no idea of the extent of my eating problems, but whenever I make some sort of reference to wanting to lose weight she just sort of rolls her eyes and tells me I'm not fat. Which I'm not, but I still want to lose a few pounds and end this sick relationship with food. Basically she is a normal human being who tries to eat healthily but eats when she's hungry, stops when she is satisfied, and is not particularly fond of sweets (her favourite foods are vegetables and whole-grain breads). She does not understand the emotional connection to food at all. She literally forgets to eat lunch, because food just isn't that important to her, and she says it's "a bother" to stop what she's doing for meals. She was always thin, and has never had a problem with her weight. That aside, "accountability" from her would be counterproductive. She has always tried so hard to control my life (in a good way, trying to get what was best for me, but still frustrating) that her telling me to do something makes me want nothing more than to do the opposite (I don't usually do it though, I've never been the rebellious type:D) It's the classic independence thing I suppose, but I would rather fail on my own than succeed because of someone else, especially her (in general, not necessarily in food). All her comments about food just make me angry and upset. Like when I'm dieting, she is constantly pushing me to eat more, and then when I have been good all week and finally decide to give myself an extra cookie or whatever she'll say something like "don't you think you have had enough?" Whenever I do mention looking forward to eating or something, she says things like "I don't see how you think that much about eating!" or "Well, if you're not hungry, just don't eat," or "just stop when you're full." She thinks it's a minor self-control issue I suppose, and it is a self-control issue but I would hardly call minor something that has consumed... wow, now that I think about it, about half the years of my life! My dad does a lot of the same things I do but to a lesser extent, and as a 62 year old man it's ok for him to have a little extra fat, so he doesn't have the stress of constantly trying to lose the extra weight. Besides, he can take a lot more calories anyway. I would say he eats like I did before I started seriously trying to lose weight. Last edited on 27 Apr 2006 11:28 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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My computer wouldn't let me into the forums yesterday, but anyway, I was doing well until I was offered free chocolate cake with caramel icing with chocolate chips on top. I broke off a amall piece though, instead of taking the whole slice. Anyway here is the final count: Wednesday, April 26 Chocolate cake 1 small piece ~200? Cheese sandwich 1 250 Banana 1 105 Baked Lays 1 bag 230 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 885 I know I could have eaten more fruits and vegetables, but... I didn't want to. In fact I added the banana because I realised that I hadn't had any all day. I normally do better than that (while dieting, that is), and will be better tomorrow, but I was really craving a cheese sandwich and some baked lays. :) |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, April 27, 2006 Spinach wrap 1 242 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Banana 1 105 Vegetarian chili 1 bowl ~250? Bread 1 slice 70 Cottage cheese ~1/2 cup ~70 Beans (kidney and lima) ~1/4 cup ~70 Cantaloupe and honeydew ~1/2 cup ~70 Total: 937 :) Well, tomorrow morning it's off for pancakes... wish me luck in making up for it over the rest of the day. I generally do very badly with large breakfasts, but tomorrow I am planning to have the pancakes in the morning, then maybe a piece of fruit at dinnertime if I absolutely must. It will still probably be over 1000 calories, but hopefully only slightly. |
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OnceUpon-A-ThinGirl Distinguished Member
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It's true that your bmr and rmr are a lot higher when you're tall, I got the short end of the stick, my sister is four inches taller than I am, I was a fluke, the rest of my family is outstandingly tall. I knew there was something those models had up on me weight loss wise. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Well, I had 3 delicious chocolate chip pancakes this morning, and now I feel all warm and contented :yumm:. Eating just feels so good! So far I haven't eaten anything else though. Oh and the scale was kinder to me this morning. I'm only 3 lb heavier than I was a couple of weeks ago. :) Last edited on 28 Apr 2006 03:51 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Update: I've had some frozen yogurt, a giant muffin, and a packet of cookies. I'm estimating that I'm at around 1550, so if I don't eat any more that's not too bad, it's about breaking even. Question, though--in this situation (I'm in it a lot:?) is it better to just stop or to eat some "real food" despite the calories? I am seriously considering a banana, for example, but that would mean going even further over and actually having surplus calories for the day. Obviously the answer is not to eat the rubbish in the first place, but once I have used up my calories on fat and sugar, any thoughts on damage control? Tnanks! Last edited on 28 Apr 2006 10:01 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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I ate the banana. And a sandwich, and a pint of ice-cream (alas, I discovered a flavour I hadn't tasted before), and chocolate... never mind here is the calorie count. I have no idea how many were in the pancakes, so it is a complete guess. Friday, April 28, 2006 Chocolate chip pancakes 3 ~600? Muffin 1 440 Frozen yogurt ~6 oz ~150? Cookies 1 bag 360 Banana 1 105 Sandwich 1 250 Bread (my feeble attempt to avoid more binge food) 2 slices 140 Ice-cream 1 pint 920 Dark chocolate (72% ahhh...) 3 1/2 squares 233 Total: 3198? I didn't even feel very full!!!!! |
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Peter Founder of this forum
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Chocoholic, it wasn't your PC, the forum was broken! If it happens again, somebody please click on the e-mail link and let me know! Thanks, Peter |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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I came home on Saturday, and it has been one long binge ever since. I haven't recorded it, as when I'm home I tend to nibble bits of so many different foods that it becomes practically impossible. For example, Saturday evening I had graham crackers, croutons, two different kinds of cereal, oreos, girl scout cookies (2 different kinds), grapes, chocolate chips, part of a Hershey's dark chocolate bar, and some other things I can't remember, and then I had a sandwich, grapes, and crisps/chips for dinner. Today I am going to try to recover somewhat. 1000 calories is probably too ambitious, but I am going to try to not eat uncontrollably, especially between meals. Mostly I am going to try to keep myself occupied, as I have found that I usually eat out of boredom when I'm at home. I don't know, I just thought I would let anyone who actually reads this know that I'm still here. I'm seriously considering changing the name of this diary to something more appropriate and depressing, though... ;) |
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Peter Founder of this forum
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397 people have viewed it. Hang in there! Peter |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Well, I'm back. I spent the summer volunteering in South America and having the time of my life! I came back about 10-15 lb heavier (and visibly fatter than ever before), but I am not actually all that upset about it. I didn't worry about food when I was there. I was doing something meaningful and worthwhile, had loads of friends, and was generally so blissfully happy that I didn't really care, and I still think that those months were worth every one of those pounds. Now that I'm back, of course, I intend to lose the weight (I can't afford to buy an entirely new wardrobe, for one thing! I've barely worn jeans since I returned as squeezing into them is a workout in itself!) I probably won't really get serious about losing weight until I go back to uni next week where I can control my food and exercise better, but I thought I might as well go ahead and begin getting into the habit of recording my food. It's also nice to get an idea of how much I really do eat when I'm neither dieting nor on an extreme binge (anytime I'm not dieting is a binge on some level, but you know what I mean). So here goes for today: Friday, August 18, 2006 Dark chocolate 18 squares 396 Beans on toast 1 slice toast ~200 Peach 1 60 French bread ~12 inches? 390 Oreos 4 200 Pork chop 1 very small ~150? Boiled new potatoes ~5-6 ~200? Lima beans ~1/2 cup ~130? Total: 1726 I felt sick after dinner tonight. Ugh. I am actually surprised that I didn't eat more calories than I did. It felt more like a 2300 day. I suppose it is the cumulative effect of the past weeks. Yes, I know what I ate is horrible (almost entirely bread and chocolate!), but as I said I am not even trying to diet while I'm still at home as it always results in failure and conflict. I only have a few days left and I can't do too much damage in that length of time! Just thought I would record the non-dieting me as a sort of baseline.  Last edited on 20 Aug 2006 03:38 am by Chocoholic |
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Peter Founder of this forum
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Nice to have you back! Peter |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, August 19, 2006 Peach 1 60 French bread ~2 inches ~65 Dark chocolate 8 squares 176 Taco 1 ~250? Tortilla chips ~10 ~200? Refried beans ~1/2 cup 120 Cheese sandwich 1 ~260 Yogurt 1 container 130 Chips/crisps ~20? ~200? Float 1 with 2 scoops ice-cream ~300? Oreo 1 50 Total: 1811 Last edited on 20 Aug 2006 03:37 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, August 20, 2006 French bread ~1 1/2 inches ~50 Graham crackers 2 130 Country ham 1 small slice ~100 Biscuits 4 small 360 Scrambled eggs ~1 1/2 eggs ~135? Chocolate chips ~1/4 cup??? 135? Cake batter/cake ??? too much! ~400? Jelly beans ~15? ~180? Cheese sandwich 1 260 Chips/crisps ~13 ~140 Yogurt 1 container 130 Float 1 ~350? Total: 2370 Agghh!!! Well I baked a cake, so it was somewhat hopeless. Then I nibbled all day, and then my dad and I had floats again after dinner as it's my last night at home before going back to uni. Only one more day before I start behaving... |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Well... slight change of plans. I am not going back to uni until tomorrow morning now, so I am not sure whether I will begin my diet tomorrow or Wednesday. We'll see how I feel tomorrow, if I need one last night of unrestrained goodies or if I feel sick and ready for salads. Today was a bad day. I had to ice that cake that I baked yesterday, so that wasn't so good... then my mom took me out for lunch to this really good Persian restaurant, it was again my last night before leaving so my dad and I made floats yet again, and I was planning for this to be my last pre-diet day, so I nibbled between meals even more than usual. Monday, August 21, 2006 Peach 1 60 Biscuits 3 270 Dark chocolate 4 squares 88 Oreos 2 100 Icing ???a lot??? ~200? Jelly beans ~18? 130 Salad (chopped tomato and cucumber) ~1/4 c ~40 Flat bread ~1 whole ~120? Basmati rice with a wonderful sauce ~2 cups? ~800? French bread ~1 inch ~33 Yogurt 1 container 130 Float 1 ~300? Total: 2271 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Well... I still haven't quite decided whether or not to officially begin my diet today. I moved in this morning, and wasn't a bit hungry, but I went to see what ice-cream flavours they had because if there were any that I really wanted to try, I had best do it tonight so that I wouldn't have that excuse later. They didn't, but I window-shopped my way into wanting lunch. Still not a bit hungry, I bought a chicken salad sandwich, a yogurt, and a bag of Milano cookies. Well, the sandwich was much bigger than it looked, so I didn't eat quite all of it (most of it though), I've had 2 cookies, and I am uncomfortably full. I'm not really craving any food though, so if I don't eat dinner, or if I eat a very small one, this could be a good day yet. We shall see. Last edited on 23 Aug 2006 01:31 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Ugh. I remember now just how much I &%@*ing HATE this place!!! It is absolutely where I need to be, I know, and academically I do like it, and the campus is gorgeous, and the food (unfortunately) is good, and... it's a great university, really, but I HATE the people here! I've been here two years and still have no friends really, I mean there are people that I talk to sometimes but no one to go out with on weekends or anything. I'm not the most outgoing person in the world, but I'm not THAT shy, I mean I do try to get to know people, it just ends up going nowhere. This summer I met all sorts of people from all over the world and I almost immediately became good friends with all of them, so it isn't just me! The people here are just so... identical. All the girls look like barbie dolls--skinny, blonde, gorgeous, and rich, and all the boys are stereotypical frat boys--rich, egotistical, macho, and think they are extremely good-looking whether or not they are. What does any of that have to do with dieting, you might ask? EVERYTHING!!! When I finished unpacking, I thought that I might be able to make a decent day of it food-wise, but when I went over to the bookstore to buy my books and saw all of the students milling about I felt like I usually do when I'm here--like I would give anything in the world to be invisible. When I got back, I returned to the cookies and there are now only four left in the bag. Er, make that three. I always say I'll get out more and get more involved, and I do genuinely try, but nothing ever seems to change. I won't deny that my eating problems contribute to my isolation, but then again being lonely and frustrated makes me want to eat... or not eat... so it's a vicious cycle really. This is where I refer to the title of this diary...I'm now eating potato bread that my mom left with me which I don't even want...  Last edited on 22 Aug 2006 09:34 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Ok I would like to retract a lot of what I said in the previous post as I was quite upset when I wrote it. There are loads of lovely people here and it is entirely my own fault that I haven't got to know them better. End of rant.  Anyway, here are the "rules" for my diet beginning tomorrow: 1) Eat 1000 calories per day (primarily fruit and veg) 2) Return to being mostly vegetarian (meaning I don't buy meat for myself, but if I go to someone's house or something and meat is all they give me, I won't be a pain and make them cook me something else) 3) Eat 3 servings dairy per day 4) Drink 60 oz water per day 5) Exercise, er, as much as I can make myself (which isn't much, especially in this heat  )6) *New* If I'm invited to eat with other people, I MUST go, even if I only eat a few bites. I refuse to allow eating to isolate me any more!!! Last edited on 22 Aug 2006 11:04 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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I decided to have some ice-cream anyway. Fortunately it was mostly melted and soupy, so I only ate about 1/4 of the pint. Well, here's the final count for today: Tuesday, August 22, 2006 Chicken salad sandwich 1 ~600? Yogurt 6 oz 60 Milano cookies 1 entire bag 975 Potato bread 4 slices 360 Ice-cream ~1/2 cup 280 Total: 2275 I am going to be good tomorrow, though!  Last edited on 23 Aug 2006 12:53 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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So far so good today! Wednesday, August 23, 2006 Caesar salad 1 ~300? Strawberry smoothie 1 89 (they make it with splenda I think) Beans (kidney and field peas) ~1c? ~220? (don't think I had that much but just to be safe) Bell pepper, strips ~1/4c? ~20? Cottage cheese ~1/2c ~70 Canned peaches ~1/2c ~70 Potato bread 1 slice 90 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 959 Finally I had a good day. I really fancied some vegetable soup from the cafeteria today, but they didn't have it, so I had to settle for a somewhat random selection from the salad bar. Oh well, I'm just glad to be back on track and on the way to losing this weight! Last edited on 24 Aug 2006 12:41 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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I was doing well today (yogurt for breakfast, sandwich and banana for lunch) until one of my professors gave everyone in the class two chocolates . It should still be all right though, as I'm planning a 300-calorie salad for dinner with a 90-calorie slice of that potato bread (I've got to get rid of it!) I'm currently having a nice cup of tea to avoid any boredom-eating!  Well, they didn't have the salad that I planned to get. Actually they had basically the same thing, only it was tiny as opposed to the massive mountain of lettuce and carrots that I usually get. Why, oh why can the cafeteria not be at least somewhat predictable?!  9:00 PM and I could not stop thinking about food. I think I actually was a bit physically hungry, although I can't really tell any more. I got a packet of little raspberry shortbread cookies (biscuits, whatever you want to call them). They are only 30 calories each and I've only eaten 3 so that's not too bad. The problem comes tomorrow when I have the remainder of the packet sitting temptingly in my drawer... Thursday, August 24, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Banana 1 small ~100 Hershey's nuggets 2 120 Caesar salad 1 small ~150 Potato bread 2 slice 180 Apple 1 70 Shortbread 3 90 Total: 1020 Not great, but it could be worse. I only had 959 yesterday (and that was a high estimate) so it averages out... I suppose  Last edited on 25 Aug 2006 02:36 am by Chocoholic |
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zenobia Distinguished Member
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i am happy that things are looking up for you and the university! sounds like you are making good food choices. i know how hard it is to eat well while in school! so expensive and so many temptaions on campus. keep it up. don't lose sight of you goals! you're doing great! zen |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thanks Zenobia!!!  |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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I can already see the weekend looming ahead... Weekends are always bad for me at uni because I tend to get bored, and also most of the on-campus dining options are closed (there is an all-you-can-eat buffet in the cafeteria which I try to avoid, and it's practically the only thing open). Tomorrow, for example, I only have one class which finishes at 10 am. From 10 am tomorrow until 9 am on Monday, I have no plans or commitments whatsoever. I am so worried! If it's not too hot I might go for a walk and do a bit of shopping on one of those days, but if it's anything like today I don't think I will go anywhere unnecessarily. I can see myself now, giving in to the pint of ice-cream, the cookies, the chocolate... and all for the lack of anything better to do. It's all very easy to say "find something to do" but I can't go anywhere without walking there, which narrows the options considerably (I'm not lazy when it comes to walking under normal conditions, but seriously, it is like a sauna out there). I am perfectly happy to read a book or watch a movie, but I tend to nibble during those activities. Also, I've noticed that when I begin a diet, I tend to exaggerate my success. For example, I've been on a diet for two days after months of binging (well maybe not quite binging, but systematic overeating to be sure) and already I have caught myself thinking (in relation to the weekend) "well you have been good lately, you deserve a break"  Obviously that is ridiculous, but I think it is odd that my dieting days seem to expand into weeks of good behaviour while weeks of binging compress into a day or two in my mind... |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Well I got on the scale when I got up this morning out of curiosity and found that I am 115. Ugh. My scale is, as previously mentioned, not very accurate, but being over 110 at all is scary. I've been 111 a time or two after a binge, but never above that. At the beginning of the summer I was about 105. I can really see that I've gained a lot of fat, though. Everything about me feels bigger, and as I mentioned I don't fit into my jeans anymore so I've been wearing skirts every day! 11 AM: Well, after I got out of class at 10 I ended up having a few of those shortbread thingies. Six to be exact, or 180 calories' worth. Hopefully it won't throw me off for the rest of the day. 4:30 PM Ice-cream craving. I did get the light version in the small package instead of the full-fat pint, and I also avoided buying other binge food and bought dinner instead. Eating dinner before 5 may cause problems later in the evening though... 7 PM Did cause problems. 210 calorie chocolate bar and 3 Reese's peanut butter cups (well, I didn't really eat much of the peanut butter bit, I mostly peeled the chocolate off from around it and ate that, so... I don't really know how many calories that is). 9 PM I am tempted to leave off this bit, but I suppose a diary isn't worth keeping if you're not going to be completely honest, so... broke down and ate the remaining 3 slices of potato bread (at least it's gone--honestly, who in their right mind buys bread, potato or otherwise, which has 90 calories per slice?!?). I craved something sweet though. Tried putting the slightest bit of mayonnaise (well it's the low-calorie substitute) on a slice of whole-wheat bread, but that didn't work. Down to the vending machine for a packet of cookies. I was only going to have 1 or two for a bit of sugar before going to bed (it was about 10 by this point). Ate the entire bag (600 calories). Utterly disgusted with myself, I went to try to make myself sick and get rid of it, but wasn't too successful--got rid of a bit of it, but my soup from dinner was also coming up and that was about the only nutritious thing that I had all day (not sure how that happened--I had eaten it several hours earlier). Besides, I don't like being sick in semi-public places. NOTE: I am very aware that this is unhealthy, dangerous, etc. etc. I do it very, very rarely, and I certainly do not mean to encourage anyone else to try it--as I said, I almost didn't post it, but then again that is the purpose of a diary. Friday, August 25, 2006 Shortbread 10 300 Caesar Salad 1 ~300 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Ice-cream 1 cup 200 Vegetable soup 1 can 180 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Peach 1 60 Chocolate 1 package 210 Chocolate of RPBC (see above) 3 ~150 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 75 Potato bread 3 slices 270 Cookies 1 packet ~500? Total: 2415 Last edited on 26 Aug 2006 04:52 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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So... I have been trying to think of a way to manage weekends, as the same thing invariably happens. I considered doing a zigzag like Nir so that I would be allowed more on weekends, but realistically I don't think I could eat few enough calories during the week to balance that out, and I doubt I should be going too far below 1000 on a regular basis anyway. If anyone has any brilliant ideas they would be welcome. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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11 AM I tried to do a bit of exercise this morning, but it was just too... hot. That and I feel like I have so much extra weight to move around... I just wasn't motivated. So I only burned about 70 calories. On the bright side, no food so far. 2 PM Finally gave in and got lunch. I got the fig newtons from the vending machine and very nearly made do with that because I didn't want to go out in public looking as bad as I do today, but I eventually did anyway. They didn't have any fruit, though, and I couldn't be bothered to go to another store to buy some. 6 PM Gave in to buying the cookies, but did at least eat a healthy dinner first (fruit, yogurt, bread). 9 PM Throughout the course of the evening, I've managed to nibble my way through 2 more cookies. I think that something in my subconscious is intent on remaining fat...  11 PM ...and yet another. I am going to bed now so I won't eat any more! Saturday, August 26, 2006 Fig newtons 1 packet 200 Veggie sandwich 1 ~450? (no idea) Baked lays 1 small packet 130 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Banana 1 105 Peach 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Chocolate-chip cookies 5 750 Total: 1860 Calories burned in exercise: 70 Last edited on 27 Aug 2006 04:37 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, August 27, 2006 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Peach 1 60 Cookie 1 150 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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8 PM I'm not even going to add up the remainder of my calories for yesterday, but suffice it to say that it was not good. I did, however, make a chart for weight and calories, so that hopefully I can see the relationship between the two. I don't know, I just like making graphs of my weight, and adding calories to the chart gives me something else to look at. Today has been better. I need to get 2 more servings of dairy somehow (trying to avoid the tempting low-fat ice-cream option...), but I don't really feel like going out to buy anything. We'll see. 8:40 PM Went for the low-fat ice-cream option. Why not? I had plenty of leftover calories, and didn't feel that I was about to trigger a binge. Monday, August 28, 2006 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Salad (no cheese or dressing) ~1/2 cup ~20? Green beans ~1/4 cup ~30? Cookie 1 53 Low-fat ice-cream 1 cup 240 Total: 593 Weight: 118 Last edited on 29 Aug 2006 01:43 am by Chocoholic |
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OWF Distinguished Member 
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Hey choco, I understand how frustrating it is to have a "bad" eating day....but I see your intake and it looks like you are starving yourself!! (at least for todays diet) Maybe that is screwing up your metabolism? I dont know your numbers off-hand but I think you need alot more calories to get your body burning fat. I know the calculators available on this site really helped me figure out that I needed to eat more and more often so I am not in starvation mode. (Just my input to try to help you reach your goal. You can ignore this if it doesnt help.) By the way, we have something in common...I used to make myself sick alot when I ate too much and felt guilty-this was years ago-but the urge never goes away and I just resist it because I know it screwed up my metabolism for the future. I know what you are going through. You are not alone. If you ever want to discuss it, you are free to vent on this forum or diaries. There is no judgement from me anyway. It's so funny!! I never realized we had very similar diary titles!!!!! I stole mine from Aaliyah.  OWFLast edited on 29 Aug 2006 01:54 am by OWF |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Yeah, normally I eat around 1000, but sometimes after a really long binge it just feels good to sort of let my body catch up a bit! Today I didn't even eat anything until 4 PM because I felt so full. Thanks for your concern, though! I know about the title, I keep seeing yours and thinking it's mine... haha! I know this was a frighteningly fast reply, I'm still on the site from when I posted before! Thanks for commenting! It's good to know that people actually read this sometimes!! Last edited on 29 Aug 2006 01:57 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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3 PM One of my professors brought banana bread for us, but I only had half a slice. I couldn't be bothered to do laundry this weekend and so am out of clean skirts. So, I am wearing jeans even though I can't bend anything while wearing them. I can't really walk, I have to sort of waddle. Do you girls remember how one walks an unbendable doll by sort of leaning it over onto one foot and swinging the body around? Well, that is how I walk in these jeans. Stairs are a serious problem. Tuesday, August 29, 2006 Caesar salad 1 small ~150 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Banana bread 1/2 large slice ~150? Vegetable soup 1 bowl ~200? Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Cottage cheese ~1/2 cup ~70 Beans ~1/4 cup ~60 Canned peaches ~1/2 cup ~70 Strawberries 4 ~20 Total: 960 Weight: 117 Last edited on 30 Aug 2006 01:41 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, August 30, 2006 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Banana 1 105 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Mushroom barley soup 1 bowl 375 Apple 1 60 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 990 Weight: 116 Last edited on 31 Aug 2006 12:17 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, August 31, 2006 Cheese Sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Granola bar 1 packet 180 Lean Cuisine four-cheese connelloni 1 pkg 240 Tortilla chips 18 200 Salsa ~4 tbsp ~30 Kit-Kat 1 bar 240 Total: 1275 So... I planned to save enough calories to have a cheese quesadilla and refried beans tonight because I had had a craving for them. I even pre-bought the small packet of tortilla chips so that I would know exactly how many calories were in them. Then, they were out of cheese quesadillas . In a very, very horrible mood, I went looking for other food. I ended up with the lean cuisine, but as I was walking in with the food, I had a wild craving, I couldn't even wait until I got to my room. I had to have something RIGHT THEN. So, I got the granola bar from the vending machine and shoved it into my mouth as I climbed the stairs. I then ate everything very quickly and uncontrollably, returning to the vending machine for the kit kat. Looking at the numbers, I realise that I actually didn't eat THAT many extra calories, considering how out of control I was. I do feel very full though, and my stomach hurts. I know that it happened because I saved too many calories for the evening  and my body got desperate, but as I said I was doing it for a reason. Weight: 114 lb (Yes, I know that I haven't really lost 2 lb in the past 24 hours. For one thing, my scale is not very accurate, and also I always lose a couple of pounds at first, presumably from the food in my digestive tract emptying out and not being replaced. Still, it's nice to see slightly lower numbers on the scale!) Last edited on 1 Sep 2006 02:04 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, September 1, 2006 Smoothie 1 152 Banana 1 105 Chocolate-dipped pineapple 2 chunks ~50? Chocolate-dipped dried apricot 1 ~30? Strawberry 1 ~5 Veggie wrap 1 253 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 695 Weight: 114 6 PM Went to a lovely reception today and couldn't quite resist the chocolate-dipped fruit, but I only got a very few pieces. Hopefully I can stay quite a bit under my goal today to balance out yesterday, but we'll see how the evening progresses... 8 PM So far so good. I think that I am going to go to bed early tonight to avoid late-night temptation. I know that 695 is very low, BUT averaged with yesterday's 1275 it evens out to 985 per day. Tomorrow I plan to return to 1000 calories. Last edited on 2 Sep 2006 01:40 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, September 2, 2006 Celery 2 stalks 10 (I dislike celery but needed something low-calorie to put the hummus on )Hummus 1/4 pkg 100 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Wheat thins ~60 ~480 Cheese 1 slice 60 Salsa ~2 tbsp ~15 Light'n'fit Smoothie 1 70 SnackWells cookies 6 330 Total: 1260 Weight: 113 Once again, I saved too many calories until evening and ate too much . I also bought two binge foods (wheat thins and SnackWells cookies), which I did because I think sometimes it's better to satisfy a craving when it first begins rather than waiting until it gets worse. Still, I've got lots of dangerous leftovers... Last edited on 3 Sep 2006 01:19 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, September 3, 2006 Wheat thins 28 227 Cheese 1 slice 60 Peach 3/4 40 (I dropped 1/4 of it on the floor )SnackWell's cookie 1 55 Cheese sandwich 1 255 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 807  Calories burned in exercise: 200 Weight: 113 Last edited on 4 Sep 2006 01:20 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, September 4, 2006 Wheat thins 16 130 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 70 Wheat thins 25 210 SnackWells cookies 2 1/2 138 M&Ms 1 bag 240 Wheat thins 9 72 Hummus ~1/4 packet ~100? Celery 1 stalk 5 SnackWells cookies 12 660 Whole-wheat bread 2 slices 140 Granola bar 1 packet 180 Total: 2005 Weight: 116 I try not to get too upset about daily fluctuations, but... I was so good yesterday and I felt skinnier this morning!!! What happened?!?!Last night I watched "Breakfast at Tiffany's," which aside from being a good movie (despite not being into romantic comedies in general, I do love BatT) is always good inspiration. Audrey Hepburn is so beautiful (not that I ever plan on being as skinny as she was)! Watching it last night, though, it struck me how often I have been having the "mean reds" lately. When I first saw the movie I had only a vague idea of what she meant, but this time I knew exactly what she was talking about and realised that I feel that way practically every day. I've been better about not using food to deal with the problem, but I know I will revert to it one of these days if I don't deal with the real issue. If only I knew how to do that... 4 PM Oops, the mid-afternoon snack that I planned just got waaaaaaay too big! I'm debating whether or not to go to a meeting tonight where dinner will be served, as I've only got 450 calories left and don't trust myself that much. Still, I should probably go... 5:30 PM Er, make that 400... and when I went to get more gum (to help with cravings) I spotted the m&ms and bought a bag. I've been wanting them for awhile... that's always my excuse, no?  Well, 'tis true. Tonight is not looking promising, but we'll see. 6:30 PM Well I ended up not going. I hadn't confirmed that I was coming, so the person who was going to pick me up didn't come. Oh, well. I came back in, unloaded all of these leftovers, and flew into them. I finished the wheat thins, so that's one less temptation, but the cookies are still here, beckoning. 9 PM Ugh. I feel so disgusting. WHY do I always do this??? I know that I deserve to be fat and ugly if I can't do any better than this, but why do I have to turn to food every time I get worried or nervous or upset? Tonight, for instance, I knew perfectly well that I was scared out of my mind, not hungry, and that eating was not going to help the situation at all, but for some reason I began eating like mad anyway. Last edited on 5 Sep 2006 02:44 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, September 5, 2006 Ghirardelli chocolate 2 squares 133 Celery stick 1 10 Hummus ~4 tbsp ~100 Total: 243 Weight: 115 It was so hard to get on the scale this morning... oh well, at least I knew that I deserved it this time. So a professor brought us all Ghirardelli chocolate. My first reaction was wow, he must make a good salary for a professor, and my second reaction was FREE GHIRARDELLI CHOCOLATE? FORGET THE DIET!!! I do not call myself Chocoholic for nothing Still, not bad. I wasn't going to eat at all today, but I know that's not healthy, and so after I ate the chocolate I decided to go ahead and have a bit of hummus so that I wouldn't feel so deprived tomorrow (although to be honest I haven't felt hungry or weak or anything but completely full all day). Last edited on 6 Sep 2006 01:24 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, September 6, 2006 Veggie wrap 1 249 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Mixed beans (green, kidney, chick peas, etc.) ~1/2 cup ~120 Cottage cheese ~1/2 cup ~70 Egg 1 80 Canned peaches ~1/2 cup ~70 Strawberries 6 30 Total: 719 Weight: 113 I really wasn't hungry at all today. I was a bit weak and light-headed at lunchtime, but after I ate I was full all afternoon, and I really didn't want dinner at all. I ate it anyway, though. Then I went to a meeting where they had chips and salsa as well as cookies... three different kinds of homemade cookies! Shockingly enough, though, I wasn't even really that tempted, and I didn't eat a bite! Last edited on 7 Sep 2006 01:44 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, September 7, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Banana 1 small 100 Trail Mix bar 1 140 Mixed beans ~1/2 cup 120 Garbanzo beans ~1/4 cup 60 Cottage cheese ~1/2 cup ~70 Egg 1 80 Cantaloupe ~1 slice? ~25 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Bite-sized cookies 6 193 Total: 988 Weight: 114 Had a bit of a Nir moment today... after dinner I had only had 805 calories, and as I have been on the low side for a couple of days I didn't want to go into the dangerous weekend with a body desperate for calories. So, I bought a packet of bite-sized chocolate chip cookies. There were 9 in the bag, and I was allowed 6 to stay under my calorie limit. I ate the 6, and then debated what to do with the other 3. If I merely throw them in the bin, I invariably manage to find one or several that have landed in spots which are not at all dirty (I mostly throw away food packaging, mind, so it's not like I have rotting scraps in there or anything gross like that--leftovers have a tendency to land on top of an ice-cream carton or something ) and eat them. Even if I crumble them, I usually end up finding a way to eat them later. So, I put them back in the bag, thoroughly pulverized them by pounding them with my mug, and poured the cookie dust into the take-away container of my dinner, onto the bean juice and cottage-cheese liquid . Now THAT I will not be tempted to eat! Last edited on 8 Sep 2006 02:02 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, September 8, 2006 Veggie sandwich 1 ~500? Yogurt 6 oz 60 Granola bar 1 packet 180 Ice-cream 1 cup 260 Corn chips 21 183 Salsa ~4 tbsp? ~30 Banana 1/2 50 Total: 1263 Weight: 114 I have no idea how many calories were in that sandwich, but it was delicious! Cheese, tomato, pickle, spinach, and some sort of spread (that's the bit that makes me nervous) on pumpernickel bread... doesn't sound like much, but ooh, it was so nice! And I was excited that they are carrying the 60-calorie yogurt again! Later in the afternoon things didn't go so well, though. Last edited on 8 Sep 2006 11:59 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, September 9, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 100 SlimFast muffin bar 1 140 Nectarine 1 60 Vegetable lasagna 1 package 290 Light'n'Fit Smoothie 1 70 Chocolate-chip cookies 5 161 Nectarine 1 60 Total: 881 Weight: 113 I have been craving a muffin for awhile. Muffins are one of those foods that I love but simply cannot eat at all on a 1000-calorie diet, as the only ones I have access to have 440 calories each ! At home, I could make low-calorie, reasonably sized ones, but here I must take what I can get, so when I noticed that SlimFast had a muffin bar I decided to see what it was like. It wasn't very good, but oh well. Better than nothing, I suppose. Well, an extraordinary thing has happened this afternoon. First of all I should say that when I ate the yogurt, SlimFast, and nectarine at about 1 o'clock I wasn't particularly hungry, although I did have muffins on my mind. I did not get particularly hungry for dinner, and the vegetable lasagna, despite tasting more like cardboard than lasagna, filled me up considerably more than 290 calories normally do. Still, I had loads of calories left over, and decided to let myself have more of those chocolate chip cookies, as I would be allowed to eat the entire packet this time. Funnily enough, though, I had eaten half the packet when I realised that I did not even particularly want them anymore. I was perfectly all right with the idea of simply placing them in a drawer for another day. So I did. Hopefully they will not disrupt anything tomorrow.As I was typing out the above, I began to ponder those cookies again, and how good they would taste. However, I was so proud of myself for putting them aside earlier that I opted for the nectarine that I happened to still have instead. Last edited on 10 Sep 2006 02:13 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, September 10, 2006 Chocolate-chip cookies 4 129 Not going to bother listing it all Total: 1738 Calories burned in exercise: 379 Weight: 114 lb This is beginning to irritate me... I was 113 LAST Sunday... Things do not bode well for today. I dreamt about food last night--soft, white, crusty rolls from those French-style bakeries, chocolate cakes, cherry pies, various fruits dipped in luscious dark chocolate... I quite often do have dreams like that when I've been dieting for a week or two, during which I have lost weight, and then binge for a day or two, and then continue dieting. Although I'm sure it slows me down, I do still lose weight eventually. This time, however, I haven't even lost any weight yet!!! I already finished off the chocolate-chip cookies for breakfast (I don't normally even eat breakfast!) and I still can't get bread and pies and other goodies out of my mind. I'm not hungry, and I'm not particularly upset or lonely or nervous or anything, I just can't concentrate on anything because my mind keeps going back to food. We shall see.Oooh, it was bad. I decided to give in and have a binge day, as the unhealthy truth is that I can usually balance out overeating on weekends with starving during the week if I set my mind to it. I thought I was going to be able to rein myself in after about 300 calories though, as I was suddenly satisfied, but then I was doing the laundry and had to buy things from the vending machine to pay for it (see previous post about how this works--it's Nir-esque). I did buy three granola bars instead of three chocolate bars (140-180 cals each as opposed to 240--slightly better), and initially only ate part of one, but by the end of the afternoon had finished them all. By that point it was hopeless, and I gave in to a Kit-Kat, more chocolate-chip cookies... but I will spare you the gruesome details. The sad part is that I didn't even get any of the nice food that I wanted--fresh sourdough bread, bakery goodies, etc., just heavily processed rubbish from vending machines, as nothing was open within a distance I was willing to walk (yes, lazy, I know--but it was hot and the humidity was approaching 100%) . Another binge day wasted. On a brighter note, I did do enough exercise to get back down to my maintenance level at least. Last edited on 11 Sep 2006 12:39 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, September 11, 2006 Jolly Rancher 1 24 Veggie wrap 1 209 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Cheese quesadilla 1 360 Refried beans 1 serving 120 Tortilla chips 16 140 Salsa ~4 tbsp? 30 Oreo 1 53 ChipsAhoy cookie 1 80 Baby Ruth 1 140 (I took off some of the nuts...)Total: 1316 Weight: 113 I could have made better choices for dinner. I got what I did because it was the only place in the cafeteria (besides the salads which I didn't want) which had nutrition info posted, and I didn't feel like estimating all of the amounts of the beans, cottage cheese, etc. on the salad bar. I always feel like I'm cheating and eating more than I should. Also, I was in a bad mood and just didn't want the salad bar. I'm not making excuses, I'm just trying to analyse why I took the decision that I did. I was still ok calorie-wise though, until I went to a meeting after dinner and they had the oreos and chips ahoys. I only had one of each, but I felt so full and gross, and on top of the bad day that I had I felt like giving up completely and impulsively grabbed the Baby Ruth on the way back to my room. By the time I sat down and thought about how my calories really wouldn't have been very bad without the Baby Ruth, I had eaten about half of it and thought hey, at this point you might as well enjoy it. Why do I always do this to myself? It's like some sick sadistic part of me enjoys making myself miserable. Wow, there was a lot of alliteration in that bit! I do seem to have a caloric tipping point, though, of about 350 calories at lunch. If I eat less than that before dinner, I lose all control. Today, for example, I only had about 300 for lunch, and I went crazy later. I feel so disgusting now. The worse I feel about all this fat, the more I eat. How illogical is that?!?! I've also noticed that Mondays seem to be especially bad for me, worse than weekends even... not quite sure why. I'll have to think further about that. Last edited on 12 Sep 2006 02:41 am by Chocoholic |
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OWF Distinguished Member
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Chocoholic, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there is some info on this site that discourages binging and starving for that reason, as you get older, you slow your metabolism down, making it tougher each time you diet. I am sorry you are struggling, we all know what that is like, but if you re dreaming at night of food, I think you are starving yourself. Have you talked with a nutritionist at all? By your caloric intake, I bet you are much lower than you are supposed to be. You might find out that you can eat that sourdough bread and still lose weight. I wish you the best, hang in there, it will get better!! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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I know that binging and starving is a very bad idea, it is not my diet of choice. I just seem to have absolutely no self control. As for my caloric intake, I go by the calculators on this website. According to them, I burn about 1500 a day (on a good day), so in order to lose a pound a week I should be eating 1000 calories a day, which I aim to do. Not usually very successfully, as you have seen. As for the sourdough bread, I surely could eat it and lose weight, the problem is that I wouldn't be able to eat anything else! One of those sourdough bread bowls that I love so much has 560 calories, not even counting the soup in it!!! That's over half my calories for the day! If I just buy a loaf, I can't stop eating until I've eaten all of it. I think it's easier to just go without, which does work as long as I can keep myself occupied (you wouldn't know it from reading this diary, but last autumn and the spring and winter before that I went for weeks eating 1000 cals a day, mostly fruit, veg, low-fat dairy, and whole-grain bread. I regularly lost a pound a week and felt great about it. Then at some point last spring I totally lost control again). The problem isn't with food really, it's lots of other issues I need to sort out. How to do that is a good question, though... Thanks for commenting! It's nice to know that someone is reading every now and then! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, September 12, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Smoothie 1 153 Banana 1 small 100 Grilled vegetable soup 1 bowl ~300? Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Egg white 1 20 Cottage cheese ~1/2 c ~70 Mixed beans ~1/2 c ~120 Total: 933 Weight: 114 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, September 13, 2006 Smoothie 1 153 Tortilla chips 5 44 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Brownie and accoutrements ? ~1250? Total: 1550 Weight: 115 I don't understand why I am gaining weight. Tomorrow yes (see below), but not today.Tonight there will be a "Brownie Bar" in the cafeteria in celebration of "International Chocolate Day." I couldn't possibly miss that, but I'll try not to do excessive damage. I did excessive damage I am rather full right now, but I certainly did justice to my name! A huge brownie, a scoop of chocolate ice-cream, three white-chocolate dipped pretzels, crushed oreos, and a mountain of M&Ms, all drenched in hot fudge sauce. I have no idea how many calories that was, but I am estimating (conservatively) 1250. I ate that in place of dinner, though, so I have a nice salad in the fridge for tomorrow. If the thought of eating doesn't nauseate me tomorrow, that is! This little mini-binge doesn't bother me, though, because it was planned and controlled, ie I knew what I was going to do, and now that I'm finished I can't go back through the line a second time. I'm at about my maintenance level of calories, also, so I don't feel that I have done too badly. I just have to be sure not to lose control this weekend. Last edited on 14 Sep 2006 12:41 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, September 14, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Salad 1 312 Pita bread 1 210 Frozen yogurt ~6 oz ~180 Canned peaches ~1/2 c ~70 Cantaloupe and honeydew ~1/2 c ~70 Strawberries 7 ~26 Mocha ~8 oz? ~160? Chocolate bar 1 320 Total: 1448 At least it's still slightly below maintenence...Weight: 112 Well that doesn't make sense, but I'm not complaining! Went out for coffee with some friends... I was planning to get some nice calorie-free tea, but was talked into a mocha instead... then got home on a caffeine high, unable to sleep and craving chocolate, so I ate a chocolate bar. Last edited on 15 Sep 2006 01:23 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, September 15, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 60 Too much to list Total: ???? Calories burned in Exercise: 342 That takes care of the chocolate at any rate... Weight: 113 Went home for the night. There were two bags of dark chocolate, among many other things. I need say no more. Last edited on 18 Sep 2006 01:59 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Well, I went home on Friday on the faint hope that, considering how badly I had been binging here on weekends out of boredom and frustration, I might do better at home. I did much worse, and even bought binge food after I returned here on Saturday night. I didn't count, but I'm sure it was over 3000. I've been thinking, though, about why my eating behaviour has been so bad (by even my standards) of late. I think that a lot of it has to do with the fact that when I see a number above 110 on the scale, I go into "panic mode." I feel intense pressure to get rid of all that fat as quickly as possible, and when I don't see immediate improvement I panic even more, and all of the stress and pressure soon erupts into a binge. I need to remember that losing weight at 115 is no different from losing weight at 105 and that I have plenty of time--when I actually stop to think of it, next summer is the next time I really care about looking good, and I only have about 15 lb to lose. Sooner would be nice, but if I am able to stick to a diet and not have to plan for week-long binges that set me back a few pounds every month or two, a rate of even 1/2 lb a week would get me there. THEREFORE I am changing the rules. You all now have me sufficiently frightened of slowing my metabolism to increase my daily calories to 1200. I don't know if I can handle it psychologically... eating more than 1000 just feels wrong! I am also going to try not to panic if I don't even lose a pound a week... again, this will be a major psychological hurdle. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, September 17, 2006 Cookies 6 270 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Light'n'Fit Smoothie 1 70 Lean Cuisine 3-cheese conelloni 1 240 Peach 1 40 Banana 1 105 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Salsa ~2 tbsp 15 Tortilla chips 8 40 Total: 1140 Weight: 116 (which I deserved) It was very hard not to try to compensate for yesterday's binge by not eating today, and it was even harder to force myself to eat more than 1000 calories after the binge of yesterday. I did laundry, hence the cookies and granola bars I didn't eat them all at once at least... For the first time today I began to glance at the protein content of my food I'm barely getting any at all!!! I got the light'n'fit smoothie and the lean cuisine specifically for that purpose, as the smoothie (which is really just watery yogurt) has 5g in 70 calories and the lean cuisine has 17g in 240 calories. Everything else I ate today had 3g or less per serving! I am going to start being more aware of my protein needs... I had no idea I was eating so little. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, September 18, 2006 Veggie wrap 1 275 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Peach 1 40 Vegetable soup 1 bowl ~200? Cottage cheese ~1/2 c ~90 Kidney beans ~1/2 c 140 Egg 1 80 Roll 1 200 Total: 1085 Calories burned in exercise: 210 Weight: 116 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, September 19, 2006 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Roasted vegetable soup 1 bowl ~300? Roll 1 190 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Dark chocolate 3 pieces 93 (a professor brought them again. I can't honestly say that I'm complaining )Peach 1 40 Banana 1 small 100 Tortilla chips 9 81 (still in the process of getting rid of them. Fortunately I don't actually like them terribly much) Salsa ~4 tbsp ~30 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 1164 Weight: 116 It feels so wrong to eat this much on purpose. I suppose that my metabolism will recover... eventually. |
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OWF Distinguished Member
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Choco, Seriously, I know how you feel, but your metabolism WILL recover, but it may take a little while to adjust so have patience. Don't worry, eating enough calories so you aren't starving is so important for your total health. Keep up the great work!! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, September 20, 2006 Veggie wrap 1 266 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Banana 1 105 Baked potato 1 ~275? Cottage cheese ~1/2 c ~90 Kidney beans ~1/2 c ~140 Egg white 1 20 Roll 1 190 Total: 1216 Weight: 114 Thanks, ObsessedWithFitness! Once again, I felt quite guilty eating my dinner and knowing that it was over 1000 (which is silly--it was only 12 calories over my unadjusted RMR!!!) I'm trying to keep doing it anyway, though! Last edited on 21 Sep 2006 03:21 am by Chocoholic |
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squirrelygirl New Member 
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choco, your weight doesnt seem that high compared to some of us others in the forum. Just interested to know how tall you are? What is your goal weight? Squirrely |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, September 21, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 ~70 Grilled vegetables ~1/2 c ~200? (I know that sounds high, but it felt like a lot, they were really oily) Orzo and lentils ~1/2 c ~200? (I have no idea) Pita bread 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Strawberries 10 40 Banana 1 105 Cottage cheese ~1/2 c ~90 Total: 1075 Weight: 113 To answer your question, I am 5' 0" and my goal weight is 100, although I'll calm down when I get back to 105 or so. I'm in a bit of a panic because I gained 10 lb over the summer and I don't fit in my clothes anymore Mostly my goal is to stop the binge/guilt/diet/frustration/binge cycle, though.Last edited on 22 Sep 2006 03:11 am by Chocoholic |
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makundai New Member 
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"Mostly my goal is to stop the binge/guilt/diet/frustration/binge cycle, though." I totally relate. Let me know when you get a solution to that one. |
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squirrelygirl New Member
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I have been seeing a therapist who was formerly with a special diet program in nc. She has been really pushing me to eat GREEN vegetables when I get the 'munchies'. Now, I LOVE potato chips... LOVE THEM! But now, I just try not to buy them, and instead have carrots or pretzels. If you're gonna binge, at least do it with healthier foods. Have you tried broccoli and cauliflower while you're studying??? They will make you feel better than all those carbs, too! I'm learning now, too. I wish you luck! Kel |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, September 22, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Baked potato 1 ~275 Cottage cheese ~1/2 c 110 Mixed beans ~1/2 c ~150? Roll 1 190 Banana 1 105 Peach 1 40 Popcorn 1 bag 63 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 1133 Calories burned in exercise: 219 Weight: 113 I am pleasantly surprised at the volume/calorie ratio of popcorn! I had no idea that you could eat so much for so few calories! I think I might have a new favourite diet food... I'm still unsure about the whole eating-more-than-1000-calories idea. It is so hard to eat those last calories. By " hard" I don't mean that I dislike eating them--goodness, eating is probably my all-time favourite thing to do. Really, it is (pathetic? yes). I mean that I feel very guilty while doing it, and re-add all of my calories at least five times before (and sometimes as) I eat because I can't believe that I'm allowed to eat that much and to feel that full. I don't feel that I will lose weight this way, but I am going to be patient and see. At least I haven't had the urge to binge (so far). Squirrelygirl~ I have tried binging on healthy foods. Sometimes it works, but too often I get an irresistible craving for something specific-- a blueberry muffin, chocolate-chip cookie dough, shortbread, a brownie, Ben&Jerry's New York super fudge chunk ice-cream... etc. and nothing else will do  Lately I've been doing well about binging though, so I'll hope that doesn't become an issue for awhile! |
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Phoebe Senior Member 
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Chocoholic- Some more reinforcement for the increased intake....from Burn the Fat, Feed the Muscle (BFFM), Tom Venuto. Try to divide up your calories into 5 meals, with the first two a bit larger than the evening one. Fat Loss Lie :: The only way to get really lean is to "starve" yourself:: There's no way around the fact that you must reduce calories in order to burn fat. Energy balance and thermodynamics dictate that you have to burn more than you take in for fat loss to occur. However, most popular diet programs are too low in calories. Many border on starvation: 1200 calories, 1000 calories, even 800 calories or less. Have you been cutting your calories too low, desperately trying to lose moreweight? If so, you may actually be slowing down your metabolism and decreasing your fat burning hormones! Your fat cells begin to release less of the hormone leptin, which is the signal that tells your brain you are well fed and not starving. This in turn triggers a cascade of other hormonal, enzymatic and metabolic events including a decrease in thyroid output (the "metabolism-regulating hormone") and a dramatic increase in appetite. It's hormonally, metabolically and physiologically impossible to achieve permanent fat loss by starving yourself. In fact, very low calorie diets can actually make you fatter in the long run. Very low calorie diets not only slow your metabolism so you burn fewer calories, they are also much more likely to cause muscle loss. If you lose muscle tissue, your weight loss will become even harder and any increase in calories that follows will cause immediate fat gain. This "rebound effect" is almost inevitable because no one can stay on low calories (with a raging appetite and irresistble cravings) forever. Carefully look at the calorie recommendations of any dietprogram before you start it. You'll probably discover that in most cases, you are required to slash your calories to "starvation" levels (1200 or less for women, 1800 or less for men) Any program that's extremely low in calories will work in the beginning - but it will never work for long. You see, the human body is very "smart" - it always strives to maintain a perfect state of equilibrium: Metabolism, body temperature, blood sugar, hormone levels, acid-alkaline balance and every other system in the body, are all regulated within a narrow range that your body finds safe and comfortable and body fat is no different. When you put yourself through drastic measures attempting to achieve rapid weight loss, your metabolism cybernetically adjusts itself to maintain equilibrium in energy balance and body fat balance, much the same way as a thermostat maintains the temperature of your home within a desirable range. As soon as you're in danger of starving, your body will quickly turn your metabolic "fat thermostat" down, so you burn fewer calories and turn your "appetite thermostat up" so you eat more calories! This fail safe mechanism is often referred to as "the starvation response." The only way to get rid of fat and keep it off permanenly is to avoid the starvation mode with physiologically and hormonally correct nutrition and training. I recommend that you decrease your calories very conservatively - only 15-20% below your daily maintenance level - then increase your exercise level aggressively to burn more calories. There are some exercise physiologists today who are starting to call this concept "energy flux." That's a fancy way of saying, "eat more, burn more." Bottom line: it's always better to burn the fat than try to starve the fat... So get moving. Daily exercise is ideal and when you combine weight training and cardio training, you can actually eat more food while still losing fat... your metabolism and your hormones will thank you! Good Luck! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, September 23, 2006 Apple 1 70 Lignt'n'fit smoothie 1 70 LeanCuisine 4-cheese conelloni 1 240 Banana 1 105 Peach 1 40 Balance bar 1 200 Popcorn 1 bag 63 Peach 1 40 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Granola bars 1 packet 180 Total: 1108 Weight: 113 I've only had 925 calories, but I am full. Even the thought of 275 calories worth of chocolate doesn't sound particularly tempting, and I can't be bothered to go out in the rain in search of more food. I know I should... Well, I talked myself into going downstairs to the vending machine at least, where I got the granola bar (the healthiest thing there). I bought a chocolate bar and a bag of nuts first, but each contained more calories than I expected (more than I have left for the day) and so I left them for the next person who comes along. So I'm still under 1200, but not by as much. I made an effort to get more protein today, but even so my final count is only 52g. According to the BFFM formula, I should be getting 90g . I don't think I'm really working out enough to need that much, but even the RDA for protein is about 40g and I normally would be doing well to get 30g on a good day. At least I'm more aware of it now, though, and try to go for the higher-protein options when I can (although it seems that they usually come with a lot of calories). Phoebe~ Thanks for the reinforcement! It's such a psychological barrier for me, as 1000 calories a day has been my magic number for years. Last edited on 24 Sep 2006 03:02 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, September 24, 2006 Light'n'fit smoothie 1 70 Black bean vegetable soup 1 can 260 Tortilla chips 16 140 Salsa ~4 tbsp ~30 (finally finished it off!) Banana 1 105 Light'n'fit smoothie 1 70 Granola bar 1 pkg 180 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Grapefruit 1 85 Popcorn 1 bag 63 Apple 1 70 Granola bar 1/4 pkg 45 (to get over 1204 calories) Total: 1218 Calories burned in exercise: 205 Weight: 113 Well it was laundry day, hence the granola bars. At least I didn't buy chocolate or chocolate-chip cookies, and two of the packets of granola bars are still in my drawer. I felt like I was eating practically all day, and yet I still had to add on a bit to reach my RMR! Still, I am a bit worried, as I foresee stress in the next few days and don't trust myself to avoid binging yet. Last edited on 25 Sep 2006 03:29 am by Chocoholic |
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trimB Distinguished Member 
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Maybe since you've upped your calories a little bit, you won't have trouble with the binging as much?? I gave up my super-calorie-resticted diet quite a while ago, because I had the same issue. "Good" for days, then ruin most of the progress with a day or two of indulging. My weight has been much more stable since I increased the calories a bit but am much more consistent about it. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, September 25, 2006 Granola bar 1/2 45 Cinnamon graham 1 small square 12 Cheese puff 1 ~150? I have no idea--someone passed them around before a class Veggie wrap 1 209 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Granola bar 1 pkg 180 Vegetarian vegetable soup 1 bowl ~200? Kidney beans ~1/2 c ~140 Mixed beans ~1/2 c ~150? Hard-boiled egg white 1 20 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 1266 Weight: 113 Trimblebe~ That's what I'm hoping. So far so good, but then again I have also gone longer than this doing "well" on more restricted diets only to suddenly binge on the spur of the moment. Still working on those granola bars from yesterday... I only have one left though. What is it with people bringing food to class? I haven't had this much free food in class since I've been at university!!! I feel like I've eaten too much today. I felt slightly hungry this evening and had the second yogurt and finished off one of the packets of granola bars, but now I feel that 1266 is far too many calories. I don't suppose it is, but even as I try to eat my RMR, I still have a fear of ever eating more than that. 1220 or so and below I feel all right about, but above that I start feeling guilty and paranoid that I won't lose weight... but again, I am going to be patient.  |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, September 26, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Granola bar 1 90 (the last one!) Banana 1 105 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Popcorn 1 bag 63 Apple 1 70 Balance bar 1 200 (for protein) Caesar salad 1 ~300 Pita bread 1 210 Total: 1198 Weight: 112 Didn't quite make 1204, but I couldn't be bothered to go out in search of a few calories' worth of food at that time of night. Surely six calories won't kill my metabolism. |
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zenobia Distinguished Member
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i totally empathize with the guilt and paranoia associated with upping the cals. i am trying really really hard to do the samething right now. yes, patience is key, and remembering not to freak out about a pound or two gain. even now, as i have just writen in my journal, i plan on eating something else before bed, but i don't know if i will be able to bring myself to do it. it's tough. i wish you the best with it! zen |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006 Veggie wrap 1 288 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Banana 1 105 Popcorn 1 bag 63 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Vegetarian gumbo in a bread bowl 1 ~700? Total: 1316 Weight: 111 Was a sourdough bread bowl a good use of 500 calories? No. However, if I am going to continue not feeling deprived, I will have to find ways of working my favourite foods in to my diet occasionally, and I do have quite an affinity for bread bowls!  I didn't eat all of it, though, I did leave most of the outer crust, so I only counted it as about 500 instead of the 600-650 that most bread bowls actually are. I guessed about the soup, too, so my total for today is very approximate. |
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Phoebe Senior Member
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Hey, it looks like although your upping your calories your weight is indeed dropping. Keep up the good work. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, September 28, 2006 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Popcorn 1 bag 63 Granola bar 1 packet 180 Baked potato 3/4 ~206 Kidney beans ~1/4 c 70 Mixed beans ~1/2 c ~150? Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Cottage cheese ~1/2 c 110 Chocolate-chip cookies 1 packet 290 Total: 1439 Weight: 113 Things got out of control tonight. I didn't eat enough calories early in the day (I had it all planned out, and then the banana that I had was all black and mushy and disgusting. I didn't have time to go out and buy another one). This afternoon I got a sudden craving for something sweet, so I got the granola bar (which I didn't eat all at once, incidentally). I didn't eat all of my dinner because I was so full, but later I began craving something sweet again and I had some leftover calories, so I went searching. I got the chocolate chip cookies as they are mini ones and each one only has 36 calories, so I thought that I could simply eat as many as I could afford on my calories. Did not work. I began eating them wildly, quickly, and compulsively, before moving on to the remainder of the granola bar from earlier. I can't believe how much I've eaten today I mean, I thought yesterday was bad! This is what worries me about a higher-calorie diet--I am never consistent, and one slip can easily undo days' worth of hard work. Today technically wasn't a binge of course. I didn't even go over my maintenence calories, but my state of mind was certainly a binging one, and that is what concerns me, especially as the weekend looms. |
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zenobia Distinguished Member
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hey choco i just wanted to say that you are not alone! i am the same way right now- in a binging state of mind. i slipped up today as well... such is life. but that just means it's time to get back up and get through it. i know ya got it in ya. "This is what worries me about a higher-calorie diet--I am never consistent, and one slip can easily undo days' worth of hard work. " my feelings exactly. so how to fix this problem? i don't know either. i almost wish i hadn't raised my cals- i am really really hoping that it will, in fact, pay off in the end. i am concerned about ruining a whole months worth of work! but, we can get through it. all you can do is learn from it and do better tomorrow. take care and don't get too down on yourself. zenobia |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, September 29, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Smoothie 1 90 Luna bar 1 180 Banana 1 105 Popcorn 1 bag 63 Cheese sandwich 1 ~260 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Banana 1 105 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Total: 1213 Calories burned in exercise: 342 Weight: 113 I managed to recover a bit today, excercising off yesterday's surplus calories and eating according to plan. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, September 30, 2006 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Balance bar 1 200 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Popcorn 1 bag 63 Apple 1 70 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Baked Lays 1 bag 140 Kit-Kat 1 240 Total: 1233 Weight: 113 This is getting frustrating... I'm trying to be patient but I've been stuck here for a week and a half! I don't know how I managed not to binge... I was having a maddeningly frustrating day, was in a bad mood, and felt like I was eating all day. Somehow I still had a couple of hundred calories left over this evening which I spent on a kit-kat. Not the best of choices I suppose, but oh well, it was yummy. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, October 1, 2006 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Lean Cuisine Four-Cheese Connelloni 1 pkg 240 Apple 1 70 Popcorn 1 bag 313 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Orange 1 62 Balance bar 1/2 100 Total: 1205 Calories burned in exercise: 440 Weight: 112 Well... I think I discovered my problem Popcorn seems to be the culprit. It seems that the confusing and misleading nutrition label had me drastically underestimating the calories... so for every day that I ate popcorn (which is most days lately) I've been eating 250 calories more than I thought That explains the fullness and lack of weight loss anyway! See the popcorn thread in the food forum if you care... my complete incompetence aside, I find the whole situation quite amusing actually, but I am glad I know the truth now! No more microwave popcorn for me! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, October 2, 2006 Veggie wrap 1 260 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Balance bar 1/2 100 Vegetarian vegetable soup 1 bowl ~250? Bread 1 slice 70 Cottage cheese ~1/2 c ~110 Mixed beans ~1/2 c ~150? Kidney beans ~1/4 c 70 Hard-boiled egg white 1 20 Banana 1 105 Total: 1235 Weight: 112 So far so good. Stressful situation tomorrow though... it hasn't really set in yet and I am ridiculously calm, so I predict that all of the stress and anxiety will hit me at once... hopefully not while I have food close at hand! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, October 3, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Apple 1 70 Mashed potatoes ~3/4 c? ~175? Sweet potatoes ~1 c ~350? Cauliflower and carrots ~1/2 c ~200 (they were in some sort of sauce--not sure if it was runny cheese or thick butter) Yogurt 6 oz 100 Orange 1 62 Strawberries 13 50 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Total: 1207 Weight: 114 Today was indeed stressful and unpleasant for awhile, and I did indeed turn to food--warm, cooked-vegetable food that I suppose the psychologist in me would diagnose as a reminder of home (although my parents don't cook that way, so... maybe my grandmother's house? I don't know. Safety and comfort anyway). I usually never eat at that particular restaurant because although they do vegetables, I don't trust their nutrition figures. They give much larger portions and add much more butter than they let on, besides the fact that they don't even have nutrition info for half their options... Anyway I did stay away from their macaroni and cheese at least, and didn't eat all of what I got. Then my day improved considerably and I had a nice light dinner of fruit, yogurt, and bread. Last edited on 4 Oct 2006 02:25 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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oops, I accidentally sent it twice Last edited on 5 Oct 2006 02:47 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, October 4, 2006 Veggie wrap 1 266 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Protein bar 1 210 Baked Lays 1 packet 140 Granola bars 1 packet 180 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Strawberries 13 50 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Chocolate-chip cookies 1 packet 290 Total: 1436 Weight: 114 I felt horrible all day (physically). No energy whatsoever (as in I didn't want to move or even think), and since the afternoon I have had a splitting headache. I was in a terribly erratic, restless, impulsive, bingeing frame of mind all afternoon, but tried to make less damaging choices (baked lays and granola bars instead of chocolate bars and ice-cream) and balance it out with another light dinner of fruit, yogurt, and bread. In the end I gave in to the chocolate-chip cookies, but given the state of mind I've been in today it could have been much worse. |
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Hisgal Distinguished Member 
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Congrats on the healthier choices when you felt bingey! Think what the totals would have been like if you'd chosen the ice cream and chocolates instead. Good job! Remember, we are human and can't be perfect all the time. Hisgal |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, October 5, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Granola bar 1 pkg 180 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Cheerios 1 container 140 Frozen yogurt 6.43 oz 225 Black bean cake 1 ~175? (DELICIOUS!!!) Zucchini and squash ~1 cup? ~100? Breadstick 1 150 Protein bar 1 170 Total: 1300 Weight: 112 Thanks Hisgal! Another less than ideal day. I'm still not feeling so good, and I only seem to want bread or grain-based food, NOT fruits and veggies. I think I know what it is, and I think that the best thing is to pander to my whims for a few days while trying to keep the calories under control. Not sure why I've been eating so many granola bars lately. I never used to eat them... they aren't particularly healthy or low-calorie. I suppose they are sort of sweet but don't feel like junk food. Also... I went out in search of a small packet of cookies, but eventually opted for a chocolate-flavoured protein bar instead as it had fewer calories than any of the packets of cookies. It tasted like plastic, but at least it only had 170 calories . |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, October 6, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Smoothie 1 153 Plain bagel 1 280 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Baked Lays 1 bag 140 Banana 1 105 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Peach 1 40 Total: 1238 Calories burned in exercise: 284 Weight: 112 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, October 7, 2006 Special K cereal 1 container 140 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1 1/2 slices 105 Peach 1 40 Balance bar 1 210 Cheese sandwich 1 105 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Baked Lays 1 bag 140 Dark chocolate 1 piece 130 Total: 1215 Weight: 112 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, October 8, 2006 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Fruit&Nut granola bar 1 140 Lean Cuisine Four Cheese Connelloni 1 pkg 240 Banana 1 105 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Baked Lays 1 bag 200 Total: 1250 Weight: 112 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, October 9, 2006 Veggie wrap 1 288 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Balance bar 1 200 Vegetarian vegetable soup 1 bowl ~300? Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Mixed beans ~1/2 c ~150 Kidney beans ~1/4 c ~70 Hard-boiled egg white 1 20 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 1258 Calories burned in exercise: 305 Weight: 113 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, October 10, 2006 Special K cereal 1 container 140 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Smoothie 1 152 Balance bar 1 200 Baked Lays 1 bag 130 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Apple 1 70 M&Ms 1 packet 230 Total: 1342 Weight: 112 I gave in to the M&M's. Sometimes chocolate is the only thing for stress, a headache, and exhaustion... and it was sooo nice. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, October 11, 2006 Veggie wrap 1 266 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Light'n'Fit Smoothie 1 70 Balance bar 1 200 Vegetables and rice in red curry sauce 1 serving ~450? (very approximate guess!) Vegetable egg roll 1 ~140 Total: 1226 Weight: 112 I foresee major stress tomorrow... and I'm going home this weekend, so danger looms. I'm going to try to keep my calories at 1200 when I'm home, but I won't get upset as long as I stay below 1500. As long as I don't gain weight it will be a miracle and I will be more than satisfied! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, October 12, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Banana 1 105 Mashed potatoes ~1 c? ~240? Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Honey-glazed carrots ~1 c? ~140? Vegetarian chili 1 bowl ~300? Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 1265 Weight: 111 My calories are extremely approximate today as I was making wild guesses for many potentially high-calorie foods. Tomorrow I will be eating lunch at a meeting, and in the evening will be going to my grandparents' house, and thence home on Sunday (I like the words hence and thence... and so why not use them when appropriate? ) I have a lot of work to do while there though, which I am quite frustrated about, and so I foresee a very dangerous situation. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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The break went better than it could have, although I still had a few all-out binge days. For the sake of time and space I won't list every food and calorie, but here is the general damage report: Friday, October 13, 2006 Did some exercise in the morning, then had half of the massive sandwich at the meeting as planned, later some fruit and a bit of bread, a milkshake in the car on the way to my grandparents' and a couple of cookies once I got there, so although the foods themselves weren't the best, the calories weren't too bad overall. Total calories: 1380 Calories burned in exercise: 309 Weight: 111 Saturday, October 14, 2006 Went to a family reunion, where I ate a bit of every food that would fit on my plate (actually it was more of a tray...) To my credit I only got a few bites of each thing, although when went to the dessert table that rule ceased to apply, and I got mountains of everything available. I did have a small dinner that night though, so overall I don't think that it was too bad. Total calories: ~2250? Sunday, October 15, 2006 So that my grandmother wouldn't have to cook, we got lunch from Burger King, but I got a garden salad and only used about half of the chicken (yes I strayed from my pseudo-vegetarianism while at my grandparents') and a tiny bit of the dressing. Fast food doesn't tempt me, though, so I can't take too much credit. It went to waste anyway when I got home and there were Hershey's Special Dark Nuggets with Almonds and Reese's Peanut Butter Cups out in a dish on the coffee table, not to mention the carrot/spice/nut/raisin cake my mom had made for the reunion... Total calories: ~1945? Monday, October 16, 2006 This (my first full day at home) was when things really started to descend into binge mode. Even with lunch consisting only of yogurt, a pear, and a few ritz crackers (well, I finished the packet withiin the afternoon, but initially it was only a few) and dinner only oatmeal and toast, I managed to consume over 2000 calories. Candy and ritz crackers within arm's length and cake, icing, etc. only in the next room, combined with stress eating in the late afternoon led to a less than ideal day. Total calories: ~2106? Tuesday, October 17, 2006 My mom took me to an all-you-can-eat Indian buffet for lunch. I need say no more. I threw common sense to the wind and stuffed myself until I could barely move. Then, when I got home, my binge attitude kept telling me to eat as many of the chocolates as I could because when I got back to uni I would have to be good again (the "strike while the iron is hot" mentality that does me so much damage). Oatmeal for dinner again was good, but I left half of it (I was genuinely full to the point of physical pain) in order to have one last huge piece of that cake. The only redeeming point of the day was that that night, after I got back to uni, I managed to do some exercise despite the extra few pounds of Indian food I was still carrying. Total calories: ~2947? Calories burned in exercise: 373 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, October 18, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 70 Luna bar 1 180 Smoothie 1 153 Caesar salad 1 ~300 Pita bread 1 210 Apple 1 70 Total: 1043 Weight: 113 I know I am significantly under 1204, but considering the calories I had yesterday I do not believe that it will hurt me. I had a surprisingly good recovery from yesterday. My attitude toward the whole thing is so much more calm now, I'm not in a panic anymore because I'm focusing on the longer term and not worrying about losing a certain amount of weight in the next few weeks. They even had ice-cream and all sorts of toppings and whatnot in the cafeteria tonight, but I wasn't even tempted in the least, I just picked up my salad and apple and went happily on my way. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, October 19, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Banana 1 105 Apple 1 70 Balance bar 1 200 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Baked potato 1 ~275? Cottage cheese ~1/2 c 110 Mixed beans ~1/2 c ~150? Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Total: 1210 Weight: 113 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, October 20, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Harvest Grain soup 1 bowl ~400? Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Banana 1 105 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Apple 1 ~70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Granola bars 1 packet 180 Total: 1275 Calories burned in exercise: 406 Weight: 112 I even turned down free chocolate at a meeting today! Tonight I ate the granola bars from the vending machine downstairs because I was short of calories and couldn't be bothered to get out and buy real food. I find that imperfect as it is, this is a much better policy than keeping extra food in my room for such a time as this, as it never lasts until it is actually needed! Last edited on 21 Oct 2006 03:58 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, October 21, 2006 Special K cereal 1 container 140 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Chick peas ~1/2 cup ~110 Apple 1 70 Whole-wheat bread 1 1/2 slices 105 Light'n'Fit Smoothie 1 70 Balance bar 1 200 Lean Cuisine Four Cheese Connelloni 1 package 240 Banana ~1/3 ~35 (It had nasty black spots inside... eww) Snack Wells cookies 1 packet 210 (not the best of choices, but I did need more calories, and it was good calorie/enjoyment value in my opinion) Total: 1270 Weight: 111 Today was extremely unproductive, but at least I resisted the urge to binge. I was making no progress on my work, and was quite tempted to binge (since that always solves all of my problems... ) I eventually gave up doing the work, and with it the desire to eat. It may come back to haunt me tomorrow, though, when I won't have the luxury of procrastination... Also tomorrow I am going to a "picnic" at the dean's home with all of the members of my scholarship programme (not really a picnic at all, but a lot of really nice food). I nearly decided not to go, but then remembered my rule of never declining an invitation to a social event on the basis of food. However, the combination of this binge opportunity with all of the work that I didn't do today does not bode well. Last edited on 22 Oct 2006 03:23 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, October 22, 2006 Lentil and carrot soup 1 can 220 (yum!) Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Apple cider ~6 oz ~96 Salad (lettuce, a tiny bit of cheese, 5 croutons) ~1 cup? ~100? Vegetarian lasagna ~1 cup? ~350? (delicious!!!) French bread 2 slices ~200? (it had lots of melted butter on it) Lemonade ~9 oz ~148 Brownies 2 ~1" squares ~150? Total: 1334 Weight: 110 As predicted, the "picnic" consisted of sitting at tables with tablecloths and cloth napkins in nice chairs in a heated tent (one of the fancy ones with clear "windows") attached to the back of the house eating catered Italian food. Nice, yes. A picnic, no! Anyway, the drinks more than anything else proved to be my downfall. Before eating there was some hot apple cider available, and as everyone was remarking on how good it was I had a bit. I had plenty of calories to spend, after all. The meal itself was good, only I was worried about the amount of butter on the bread and the amount of cheese and general fatty substances in the lasagna, as this made the calories difficult to estimate. Meanwhile, no calorie-free drinks were available (I suppose I could have asked for tap water, but didn't want to seem a bother) and so I had lemonade. I tried to drink as little as possible, but I am used to drinking a lot with meals, and besides, it was really nice lemonade! I was surprisingly controlled considering the dessert selection. There were two different types of brownies, lemon squares, two different types of cookies, and some sort of berry tart. All very tempting, but I restricted myself to two items, and was quite happy with my two brownies. So, the good news is that I didn't binge. The bad news is that I ate too many calories Despite a continuing lack of focus, I got a reasonable amount of work done today, and so that calmed me down a bit. As far as the social aspect, I had the rare experience of not being glad that I went to the event. I wasn't miserable or anything, but the food was the only really enjoyable thing about it, as I didn't really have any interesting conversations. Nothing bad really, just nothing good. I would probably have had a better time, and would undoubtedly have got a better value for calories, by simply staying home. For tomorrow, the professor who likes to cook has instructed us to bring something to drink and a napkin to class, which makes me nervous  . Last edited on 23 Oct 2006 03:31 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, October 23, 2006 Pecan pie bar 1 ~250? Oatmeal cranberry cookie 1 ~150? Yogurt 6 oz 60 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Tortilla chips 7 56 Animal crackers 1 packet 260 Chick peas ~1/2 cup ~110 Vegetarian vegetable soup 1 bowl ~200? Yogurt 6 oz 60 Total: 1256 Calories burned in exercise: 201 Weight: 111 What a day! I was right to be nervous... there were pecan pie bars (basically a square pecan pie cut into squares) and oatmeal cranberry cookies. I had one of each, but very nearly had more than that. I don't even like pecan pie that much! Well, I like the pecan part on top, and I like the crust, but the consistency of the gooey middle has never appealed to me. However, it's rather difficult to eat only the top, bottom, and sides of a pecan pie, so I ate it anyway! As I had that just before lunchtime, I counted it as lunch, and had a snack of yogurt later, but I was having trouble focusing on my work throughout the afternoon and got the munchies. Hence finishing off my loaf of bread (thank goodness there was only one slice left!), nibbling on the tortilla chips from weeks ago (I'm sure they are stale and should be thrown out), and continuing to snack on the can of chick peas that I brought from home. I went to the vending machine in search of something else to nibble on, and came back with animal crackers. Not the best of choices perhaps, but at least they aren't too fatty and they aren't candy. Somehow I managed to rein in the calories, and forced myself to do a bit of exercise, although I really didn't feel like it and didn't do as much as I should have. I know that I made very bad food choices, and even though I stayed within my calorie limits I felt out of control. I was definitely eating for all of the wrong reasons. Tomorrow I won't have much time for eating, though, so I should be able to get back on track. |
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OWF Distinguished Member
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I feel the same way about ice cream as you do about chocolate! I LOVE chocolate too! I was reading your diary-I dont think you did that bad this weekend or today! Yes, you had less than ideal foods, but, like you said you managed to stay within your caloric guidelines today. Thats a plus, right? And, its funny cause I feel the same way about banana bread as you do about pecan pie!! I only like the top and middle of banana bread, so (for example TODAY!!!) I baked an entire loaf, (did not plan on eating the entire thing) and (thinking I would save calories) picked apart the tops and middles of each slice and threw the rest in the trash. But the downside, is I ate alot more than I would have, had I had ONE whole slice (bottoms and sides and all) anyway, I was reading your diary and can relate to alot of your choices and feelings about the food. (I have NO control around M&Ms!!) Whenever I read that you drank a smoothie, I get sooo thirsty for a smoothie!!! I want one right now!!! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, October 24, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Mixed vegetables and rice 1 serving(???) ~350? Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total calories: 1210 Weight: 110 Haha, that's funny about the banana bread! Oh and ice cream is a MAJOR trigger food for me (once I have it I MUST have more, and a cookie or something to go with it, and then some more, ad infinitum (well ad nauseum, actually ) but I let it fall under the umbrella category of "chocolate" as I nearly always get a flavour that includes some form of chocolate, be it plain chocolate ice-cream, chunks, swirls, chocolate-chip cookie dough, some combination of the above... ok now I am getting hungry again... Today felt wonderful... the rice was plain steamed rice with loads of broccoli, water chestnuts, and mushrooms, and it tasted so good and healthy for a change! I had an otherwise fairly productive day as well, and so am feeling quite good at the moment. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, October 25, 2006 Veggie wrap 1 275 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Orange 1 60 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Balance bar 1 200 Stir-fry vegetables and noodles 1 serving ~450? Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Total: 1244 Weight: 111 So... I went back for more of those vegetables and rice that were so nice yesterday, and after my vegetables were already being cooked they informed me that there was no more plain rice, and I could have fried rice or noodles. The word "fried" immediately turned me away from the rice and I got noodles, but as soon as I saw them in my bowl I realised that I probably would have been better off with the rice. They were very high-calorie looking and tasting, so I mostly ate the veg and very little of the noodles. The calories on that are, therefore, a wild estimate. I actually haven't the faintest idea. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, October 27, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Smoothie 1 153 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Mashed potatoes ~1/2 c ~200? Snow peas ~1/2 c ~80? Zucchini ~1 c ~100? Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Protein bar 1 210 Total: 1223 Weight: 109 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, October 27, 2006 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Salad 1 312 Pita bread 1/2 105 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Balance bar 1 200 Split pea soup 1 container 240 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Total: 1227 Calories burned in exercise: 300 Weight: 110 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, October 28, 2006 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Lean Cuisine Four Cheese Connelloni 1 pkg 240 Banana 1 105 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Orange 1 62 Total: 1207 Weight: 110 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, October 29, 2006 Moroccan stew 1 package 160 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Protein bar 1 210 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Tortilla chips ~6 48 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Snack Wells cookies 1 packet 210 Total: 1218 Weight: 110 Not the best of days food-wise but not the worst either... the Moroccan stew was quite nice (very surprising for a microwave meal...) and filled me up despite being only 160 calories. However, I know better than to leave too many calories for late in the day, and it did indeed catch up with me, leaving me irritable and bingey later in the afternoon. It didn't get particularly out of hand, but I couldn't get anything done because I couldn't keep my mind off the subject of food. I allowed myself the packet of Snack Wells cookies for dessert... I had the calories, so why not? |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, October 30, 2006 Twizzlers 2 1/2 83 Veggie wrap 1 259 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Balance bar 1 210 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Baked Lays 1 packet 110 Orange 1 63 Peanut butter and crackers 5 167 Total: 1262 Calories burned in exercise: 233 Weight: 110 I have been thinking for quite awhile about Halloween tomorrow, and have finally taken a decision. I love Halloween, and I am going to give myself a free day tomorrow. I call it a "free day" instead of a "binge day" because I am not going to binge for the sake of it as I usually do on such occasions, simply "because I can." I will eat whatever I want, but not with the mentality that I need to eat as much as I can before going back to the diet tomorrow. I haven't decided yet whether to record my sins... I'll see whether or not I end up keeping track or not. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, October 31, 2006 Well, I have decided against cataloguing my sins less because I don't want to than because I have absolutely no idea of the caloric value or amounts of most of what I ate, and so any estimate would be so approximate as to be practically useless. I am certain that the total was in excess of 3000, though, including a huge cinnamon nut muffin, a giant chocolate chip cookie, a brownie, a mountain of apple-pear gingerbread, a frosted cupcake, frozen yogurt, cheese cubes, and countless pieces of candy, among other things. Total: ~3000? Weight: 109 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, November 1, 2006 Caesar salad 1 300 Pita bread 1/2 110 Dark chocolate 2 piece 92 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 70 Luna Bar 1 180 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Banana 1 105 Orange 1 63 Total: 1230 Weight: 111 I don't feel too guilty about yesterday, after all it was planned, I left all of my leftover candy out for passers-by (with the exception of the two pieces of dark chocolate which I had today), and I got back on track today. Last edited on 2 Nov 2006 03:17 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, November 2, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Salad 1 312 Pita bread 1/2 120 Reese's peanut butter cup 1 88 Baby Ruth bar 1 small 83 Spaghetti ~1 cup ~350 Apple 1 80 Total: 1273 Weight: 111 More candy in class , but I suppose I didn't go too terribly over my calorie limit. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, November 3, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Tortilla chips 6 50 Chocolate-chip cookies 1 packet 290 Smoothie 1 90 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 260 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Peach 1 60 Total: 1200 Calories burned in exercise: 439 Weight: 110 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, November 4, 2006 Honey-nut cheerios 1 container 200 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Lean Cuisine Four Cheese Connelloni 1 container 240 Apple 1 70 Balance bar 1 200 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Moroccan Stew 1 pkg 160 Orange 1 63 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Total: 1198 Weight: 109 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, November 5, 2006 Pizza 3/4 1 small 450  Yogurt 6 oz 60 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Vegetarian Shepherd's Pie 1 pkg 160 (after my pleasant surprise at the microwave Moroccan Stew, I decided to try this as well. Less than impressed. Vegetables underneath were all right, but the potatoes tasted more like ground cardboard )Apple 1 70 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Chocolate bar 1 210 Total: 1200 Weight: 110 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, November 6, 2006 Doughnut 1 ~300? Veggie wrap 1 242 Balance bar 1 200 Whole-wheat bread 2 slices 140 Pizza (without the cheese) 1/4 small ~100? Tortilla chips 4 32 Snack Wells cookies 1 packet 210 Total: 1224 Calories burned in exercise: 432 Weight: 110 Not the best of days. When will people stop bringing food to class? After getting off to a bad start, I later ended up having a mini-binge in the late afternoon, but then used the guilt and sugar high to do a bit of exercise, and managed to stop while my calories were still at a reasonable level. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, November 7, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Vegetable soup 1 bowl ~300? Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Balance bar 1 200 Total: 1190 Weight: 109 Much better today, as I didn't really have time to eat any more than this! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, November 8, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 1 60 Banana 1 105 Balance bar 1 200 Mushroom barley soup 1 bowl ~350? Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Total: 1275 Weight: 109 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, November 9, 2006 Honey nut cheerios 1 container 200 (I wanted Special K or regular cheerios or something, but this was the healthiest cereal they had... really) Yogurt 6 oz 60 Smoothie 1 153 Balance bar 1 200 Baked potato 1 large ~300? Snow peas ~1 cup? ~80? Squash ~1 cup? ~100? Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Total: 1203 Weight: 110 Sorry I haven't been providing much commentary lately, but it is ultimately a good thing. I have been occupied with other things, and haven't had time to obsess about food. I will try to start writing something at least, but if I can keep my mind off food altogether, I am not complaining! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, November 10, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 70 Caesar salad 1 ~300 Pita bread 3/4 158 Balance bar 1 200 Vegetarian chili 1 pkg 180 Banana 1 105 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Total: 1208 Calories burned in exercise: 392 Weight: 108 Another good day! I am still in shock that this is working! I think that the key is that I have been aggressively cultivating other interests (besides food), and forcing myself to stay constantly busy pursuing things which are either enjoyable or directly necessary to goals for the future. Also, however pathetic it might seem to most people, I have been doing a lot more exercise than I ever used to do, and it helps me to feel better and have more energy and also, critically, to suppress my appetite. I am under no illusions that when I go home next week it will not all fall apart, and later, my three weeks for Christmas will surely be an untrammelled disaster, but I am enjoying it while it lasts and nurturing a faint hope that I will be able to limit the damage. |
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fruitloop Distinguished Member 
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Sounds like you are busy in a good way, and thats it's working for you. How awesome! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, November 11, 2006 Special K 1 container 140 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Lean Cuisine Four Cheese Connelloni 1 pkg 240 Apple 1 70 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Banana 1 105 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 1205 Weight: 107 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, November 12, 2006 Carrot & Lentil soup 1 can 220 Apple 1 70 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Reese's Peanut Butter Cups 3 200 Dark chocolate 1 46 Ritz crackers 5 70 Light'n'Fit Smoothie 1 60 Moroccan Stew 1 pkg 160 Orange 1 63 Whole-wheat bread 2 slices 140 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 1199 Weight: 108 I went home for a bit this afternoon as my mom called to say that my little darling ( ) was not doing well, hence the chocolate and ritz crackers. She seemed to be feeling a bit better by the time I left, though, and I was (shockingly) not really tempted to binge. I ate two Reese's cups and was perfectly satisfied, even though they were piled in a bowl on the table right in front of me. A couple of hours later I had another and a bit of chocolate, and my mom brought out the ritz crackers, but it actually required relatively little effort for me to stop eating when I had had what I decided to allow myself. I still have my doubts that it will last when I am actually home for a week next week though... Last edited on 13 Nov 2006 11:39 pm by Chocoholic |
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trimB Distinguished Member
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Well done resisting the temptations at your mother's house! I know just being at my mom's place can trigger mass amounts of over-eating. She always has good stuff around... stuff I can't keep at my own place due to low willpower. Luckily (or unluckily??) she lives 500 miles away! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, November 13, 2006 Veggie wrap 1 266 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 70 Balance bar 1 200 Curried corn and rice soup 1 bowl ~425? (I have no idea, so I estimated high) Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 1191 Calories burned in exercise: 500 Weight: 107 Thanks Trimblebe! It usually has the same effect on me, I don't know what happened yesterday! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, November 14, 2006 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Stuffed bell pepper 1 ~350? Mashed potatoes ~1/2 c 150 Brussels sprouts ~1 c ~60 Vegetable soup 1 bowl ~300 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 1270 Weight: 107 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, November 15, 2006 Salad 1 312 Pita bread 1 210 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Orange 1 63 Total: 1205 Calories burned in exercise: 218 Weight: 109  Not the best of days. That soup I had last night was unusually greasy and salty and I felt fat from the moment I ate it. This morning I weighed 2 lb more than yesterday and although I know it was probably just water retention, I still felt disgusting. I was terribly tired but forced myself to do a bit of exercise later.It is as though I feel that I must lose this week all of the weight that I will gain while I'm home next week. This policy always leads to disaster, as I go home hungry and eat that much more, but then psychology doesn't always make sense, does it? |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, November 16, 2006 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Potato pancake 1 ~250? Yogurt 6 oz 100 Cooked carrots ~1 c ~160? Yogurt 6 oz 60 Moroccon stew 1 pkg 160 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Balance bar 1 200 Total: 1240 Weight: 108 The potato cake looked relatively harmless, but when I took a bite it tasted like potatoes au gratin which had subsequently been deep-fried. Ugh. Tasty, yes, but ugh. I'll be going home tomorrow, and am desperately hoping that I will be able to hold together some semblance of control over what goes into my mouth. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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The past week at home (and at my grandmother's house) was somewhat disastrous. I say somewhat disastrous because I did not, as I usually do at home, cook naughty foods to binge on, and I did not, with the exception of one day, take wild tours of the kitchen stuffing myself with everything in sight regardless of how much I really like/want it. I did, however, nibble incessantly on the chocolates which my mother kept replenishing in the bowl on the coffee table as well as the oreos in the cabinet, as well as eating far, far too much at meals. I don't know that I would call them binges, though, just overeating. I probably had around 2000-2500 calories on most of the days. There were a couple that were almost certainly well in excess of 3000, though. On Saturday I managed to pull things together a bit, counting calories and staying below maintenance (I ate 1344). On Sunday, I ate an enormous lunch and nibbled oreos and chocolates all afternoon. I estimate ~2000 again. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, November 27, 2006 Veggie wrap 1 209 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Light'n'Fit Smoothie 1 60 Balance bar 1 200 Vegetarian vegetable soup 1 bowl ~300? Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 1069 Calories burned in exercise: 300 Weight: 108 I'm amazed that I didn't gain more weight than that. Then again, my scales aren't terribly accurate. I may see the damage tomorrow. Yes, my calories were low, but after the past week I doubt that will do any harm. I plan to be back to 1200 tomorrow. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, November 28, 2006 Special K 1 container 140 Light'n'Fit Smoothie 1 60 Banana 1 ~100 Mixed beans ~3/4 cup ~225 Beans ~1/2 cup ~120 Strawberries 8 40 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Light'n'Fit Smoothie 1 60 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Balance bar 1 200 Total: 1255 Weight: 108 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, November 29, 2006 Caesar salad 1 ~300? Pita bread 1 210 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Balance bar 1 200 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Lean Cuisine Four Cheese Connelloni 1 pkg 240 Orange 1 63 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Chocolate bar 6/7 266 Total: 1479 Weight: 109 I was feeling munchy all day, and by the late evening I had a horrible chocolate craving. I was only going to eat a bit of it, but that didn't work out... That little voice kept whispering in my ear that I might as well, as I was going to gain back all the weight over Christmas anyway |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, November 30, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 1 60 Peppermints 2 40 SnackWells cookies 1 pkg 210 Total: 1070 Weight: 108 I was going to eat less than 921 calories today to balance out yesterday's overeating, but I thought better of it. I could have made better choices of how to fill out those calories, but oh well. It was still a low day, although I felt as though I had eaten far too much. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, December 1, 2006 Salad 1 312 Pita bread 1 210 (I really need to stop eating the pita bread that comes under the salads) Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Peanut M&Ms 4 41 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Total: 1178 Weight: 107 This day was very nearly disastrous. Thanks to my bad choices amounting to a day of the "cheesecake diet" as described in the tutorial, I really wanted binge food in the evening. I went down to the vending machine to avail myself of some, and although I knew they were far beyond my calorie limit I bought peanut M&Ms because I "wanted to see exactly how many calories were in them." Right. Anyway, when I saw that there were 480 calories in the entire bag, I came to my senses and made a reasonable choice. I ate a few of them (four, to be precise), left the bag on the window-sill, bought a calorie-free drink to satisfy my sweet craving, and went back upstairs. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, December 2, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Special K cereal 1 cont 140 Vegetable soup 1 can 180 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Banana 1 105 Balance bar 1` 200 Peanut M&M 1 10 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Total: 1225 Weight: 107 I noticed that my bag of peanut M&Ms was still lying open on the window-sill by the vending machine, and so I ate one as I passed. It doesn't count as scavenging if I left it there myself, right? |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, December 3, 2006 Peanut M&Ms 5 52 Vegetable lasagna 1 pkg 290 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 SnackWells cookies 1 pkg 210 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Luna bar 1 180 Moroccan Stew 1 pkg 160 Orange 1 63 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 1190 Calories burned in exercise: 444 Weight: 108 Yes, the bag of peanut M&Ms is still there. They got me off to a bad start today, but I didn't eat too many. The cookies were also a bad idea, but at least I burned them off in exercise. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, December 4, 2006 Wheat thins 5 40 Green crispy things??? 2 ~20? White chocolate chip cookie 1 ~200? Salad 1 312 Pita bread 1/2 105 (At least I stopped after half this time...) Balance bar 1 200 Vegetarian vegetable soup 1 bowl ~250? Yogurt 6 oz 60 Total: 1187 Weight: 106 That professor again... it was the last class before Christmas and so she brought a variety... vegetables and some dip, from which I abstained, light, crispy green baked things which looked like long green beans, wheat thins, and white chocolate chip cookies (maybe a few bits of macadamia nuts... I'm not sure, though, so there weren't many at any rate). I was planning for it though, and was able to keep the calories under control. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, December 5, 2006 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Balance bar 1 200 Lean Cuisine Four Cheese Connelloni 1 pkg 240 Banana 1 105 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Orange 1 63 Total: 1208 Weight: 106 Free cookies were on offer which I planned for but later decided against, leaving me with more calories than expected. Always a good surprise. More free food will be available tomorrow, so hopefully I will be able to keep things under relative control. Really, though, I've decided that over the Christmas season I will be happy if I maintain my weight to continue losing later, and so if I have a maintenance day that will be fine. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, December 6, 2006 Cookie 1 large ~250? Smoothie 1 153 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 SnackWells cookies 1 pkg 210 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Total: 1173 Weight: 107 I didn't eat too much junk food, but neither did I eat any fruit or vegetables . I suppose the smoothie was largely comprised of strawberries, but still. I did have a banana to eat with my dinner, but it turned out to be all mushy and rotten on the inside. I was too lazy to go out to buy another one, and so just went without. Fruit is getting harder to come by these days. The bananas are either green or half brown, the apples never look good, and the shops are often out of them. I will try to do better tomorrow, though. Last edited on 7 Dec 2006 01:46 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, December 7, 2006 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Special K 1 cont 140 Caesar salad 1 300 Pita 1/3 ~70 Balance bar 1 200 Moroccan stew 1 pkg 160 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Total: 1210 Weight: 106 This was a much better food day, made even better by the fact that I realised that I weigh 10 lb less today than I did when I began eating sensibly again in mid-September. That may change, as I'm about to go home for Christmas, but I am going to try my best to maintain my weight over the holidays and then lose the last few pounds when I return. I'm reluctant to be too optimistic... but still, I'm excited! |
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OWF Distinguished Member
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Chocoholic, Double Wow!! 10 pounds less than when you started in Mid-September!! Thats amazing!!!  You didn't weigh very much then, and now you only weigh 106!! My goodness!! This motivates me to look at my progress and maybe kick things up a notch!! I am only down 6-7 pounds since Mid-July. I am happy I am down and not up-but I could certainly eat better. You must be excited about the holidays and being so thin!!! How fun shopping for clothes will be now! GOOD FOR YOU!!  OWF |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thanks, Obsessedwithfitness!!! I wouldn't say I feel (felt...) skinny, but it was so good to finally feel normal. Best of all, I felt healthy and that my life did not revolve around food. I haven't been recording my calories, but here is an update: At the moment, I have been home for about three weeks and I haven't weighed myself but I would guess I'm maybe 110. For the first couple of weeks, although I know I ate too much, I did not binge. I ate at meals or maybe one or two small snacks, but I wasn't preoccupied with food and did not eat uncontrollably. With the Christmas cooking and the constant presence of sweets, crackers, cheese, etc. and specifically dark chocolate (I received no fewer than three gifts consisting of dark chocolate in some form), that has begun to change. I had a little binge-like behaviour at Christmas and in the past few days . It still isn't all the time like it used to be, and I am actually (gasp) getting the urge to exercise, and becoming quite frustrated at having to sit in the house all day. So, I'm not going to worry too much about it as I believe I will be able to get back on track when I return to uni in another week and a half. Last edited on 31 Dec 2006 02:37 am by Chocoholic |
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trimB Distinguished Member
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Recently, I threw away one godiva dark chocolate bar and one bag of snickers mini candy bars. Of course, this was only after eating random christmas cookies and a variety of mini candy things (over the course of a week). I hate being wasteful... but then again - do I really need to eat that junk?!!? Well, if it's around, I definitely will. So the best I can do is to get rid of it!! I also managed to give away a box of chocolate covered cherries... by far the less wasteful route. I'm glad you found a calorie level that's not too low and still has you chipping away at those pounds. Congrats on everything!!! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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January 8, 2007 Well, tomorrow it's back to my healthy lifestyle, and I am excited about it. I can't wait to eat a big salad and do loads of exercise... I finished off the remaining goodies in the house today, and tomorrow I will pack my things, gather a stock of fruit, and return to school! I am dreading stepping on the scale again, but I am not going to allow myself to be too upset by whatever it says, because I never thought I would be this happy to leave laziness and junk food behind! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Weeellll... not exactly the start to my day that I had planned, but I'll balance it out. When I came downstairs my lovely mother had cinnamon rolls in the oven and strawberries (sliced, with sugar) on the table. I couldn't say no... she has a heart of gold but I'm glad to be free of her surprises for awhile. Tuesday, January 9, 2007 Cinnamon rolls 1 1/2 225 Strawberries ~1/3 c? ~100? Caesar salad 1 ~300 Pita bread 1/3 ~70 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Yogurt 6 oz 120 Banana 1 105 Total: 1160 Calories burned in exercise: 306 Overall it was a good day, getting back into old habits. My mom left me with a supply of yogurt which is a slightly higher-calorie brand than I normally buy, as well as a small bag of chocolates, but hopefully I will be able to keep things under control. Last edited on 10 Jan 2007 12:37 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007 Salad 1 ~310 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Strawberries 5 20 Yogurt 8 oz 120 Dark-chocolate coated altoid 1 8 Balance bar 1 200 Moroccan stew 1 pkg 160 Orange 1 65 Yogurt 8 oz 120 Banana 1/2 53 Total Calories: 1206 Calories burned in Exercise: 200 Weight: 109 I'm really shocked that I haven't gained more than that... I was going to be delighted if I was only 110!My mom was in the area and offered to bring me some apples, oranges, and bananas. She did, but she also included a tin of dark-chocolate coated altoid mints. They have only got 8 calories each, so as long as I ration them out I should be all right. I had very little energy this afternoon, but it got better in the evening. I suppose my body is just readjusting to a better calorie level. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, January 11, 2007 Banana 1/2 53 Salad 1 312 Pita bread 1 210 Apple 1 70 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Yogurt 8 oz 120 Apple 1 70 Orange 1 65 Hershey's Dark Chocolate Nugget 1 55 Total Calories: 1195 Weight: 109 Overall it was a relatively good day. My energy levels are still a bit low but definitely better than yesterday. I think that the next few months may be stressful, but I'm trying not to think about it. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, January 12, 2007 Caesar Salad 1 300 Pita bread 1 210 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Yogurt 8 oz 120 Apple 1 70 Banana 1 105 Hershey's Dark Chocolate Nuggets 2 105 Chocolate-coated Altoids 5 38 Total Calories: 1188 Calories burned in Exercise: 303 Weight: 109 It was late and I had a lot of calories left over, hence the chocolate, which I do need to use up. I did have a banana with it though. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, January 13, 2007 Special K 1 bowl ~160 Yogurt 8 oz 120 Lean Cuisine Cheese Ravioli 1 pkg 240 Apple 1 70 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Banana 1 105 Orange 1 65 Total Calories: 1200 Weight: 109 The bowl of Special K was really 140 but I nibbled a couple of handfuls throughout the day, so I added a bit. It has a very low calorie-to-volume ratio for cereal, though. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, January 14, 2007 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Moroccan Stew 1 pkg 160 Banana 1 105 Special K 2 bowls 280 Dark-chocolate coated altoids 8 60 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Hershey's Dark Chocolate Nuggets 6 315 Special K ~2 bowls? ~280? Total calories: 1800 Weight: 110 This day started out badly when I saw that in spite of nearly a week of good behaviour, I had gained a pound. I felt like nibbling all day, and did a bit on cereal. Then later in the evening, after dinner, I got really depressed, and went for the chocolate. After that, I still felt bingy but switched to cereal in an attempt to limit damage. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, January 25, 2007 Caesar salad 1 300 Pita bread 1 210 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Chocolate-covered altoid 1 8 Orange 1 65 Total calories: 119 Calories burned in exercise: 316 Weight: 109 I should say that I am also now trying to minimise expenses, exploiting the 7 meals a week that I get on the meal plan to the fullest and spending as little as possible aside from that. This requires much more careful planning, and is in some ways an added interest and challenge (just in case I was getting bored... ) but it is often a difficult balance to strike in terms of calorie density. Anyway, I just thought I would mention it, as it explains the sandwiches (I arrived with a loaf of bread, a packet of cheese, condiments, etc. and therefore I don't have to spend anything for that meal). |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, January 16, 2007 Salad 1 ~300 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Strawberries 5 ~20 Special K 1 bowl 140 Chocolate-covered altoids 2 15 Hershey's nugget 1 55 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Orange 1 65 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Total: 1225 Weight: 110 I try not to get upset about daily fluctuations, but... this is a disturbing trend. I should be occasionally hitting 108, then eventually settling there, not going up to 110. I have been so good, there is no way I am actually gaining real weight, right? Surely not... right? I'll hope for better things tomorrow. Well, I haven't really written much lately, mostly because it's depressing, but not depressing enough to wax poetic over. Nevertheless, I suppose it is relevant. I'm depressed and I'm bored. I suppose that is usually true to some degree, but especially so in the past few days. I've had no interest in anything, I don't want to venture out of my room, and when I must I feel like I just want to shrink into nothing and dissappear. It's not because of weight really, just the fact that I feel about as attractive and interesting as a cockroach. I am looking for a part-time job, so if I get one (that is contingent on my getting a car for transportation--why oh why can this city not have decent public transport???) that will take up some time. It's so frustrating because I want so badly to do something useful instead of just sitting in my room, a useless, paranoid lump. Considering the state the world is in, one would think I could find something to do that would be some help to someone, but I suppose my irrational terror of speaking to other human beings could be part of the problem in finding it . I don't want to exaggerate, I'm not antisocial at all, I really love being around other people, it's just that I don't like to be a nuisance to anyone and I feel like I always am. Well, that said, today was better. The above is meant to be a summary of the past week's feelings and such, and not a prediction of where I expect to be a week from now. I'm sure I will always be depressed a lot (I always have been) but the busier I am the happier and more motivated I tend to be (although I have another irrational fear of overcommitting, which tends to result in a dreary, blank schedule...), so I'm going to keep up the job hunt. If I get a car it will also open up a tantalising array of volunteer opportunities which I always had to miss in the past because of lack of transportation... The good news is that, despite a miserable, useless few days, I did NOT (with one exception) turn to food as the answer. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, January 17, 2007 Special K 1 1/2 bowls? 210 Salad 1 312 Pita bread 1 210 Hershey's Nugget 1 55 (the last one!) Chocolate-covered altoids 6 45 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Orange 1 65 Total: 1307 Weight: 109 I dreamt of food last night. I was still home for Christmas and had a binge on all sorts of sweets. Normally, dreaming about food means that I haven't been getting enough calories, so I am a bit puzzled. I've been staying above my unadjusted RMR (1181), and I even had 1800 the other day (and that is including probably a conservative estimate of the amount of cereal I managed to shove into my mouth), so that shouldn't be a problem. My stomach feels like it's getting larger despite lots of stomach and ab exercises, and the scale doesn't appear to be going in the right direction. Oh well, patience, patience, I suppose. UGH!!! What a horrid day this has been. My one class was cancelled today, and so I had absolutely nothing on my schedule for the entire day except for one short 15-minute meeting. I therefore got a lot done, right? WRONG! I slept too late and could not get motivated to do anything. I didn't even exercise, and I had absolutely no excuse. I had all the time in the world. Then, I was sitting, bored, this evening, and I started munching on the cereal again. Thank goodness I didn't have anything higher-calorie to munch on! I finished off all of my food--the last slice of bread, the last apple, the last orange, and even the last chocolate. All I have now is a yogurt, a little cereal, and a few mints, which means I will have to go spend money tomorrow. I hate spending money when I'm not making any . Last edited on 18 Jan 2007 02:45 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, January 18, 2007 Special K ~1/2 bowl ~70 Apple 1 70 Banana 1 105 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Luna bar 1 180 Chocolate chip cookie 1 mini 33 Three-cheese rotini 1 pkg 360 Wheat thins ~48 450 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Total: 1428 Weight: 109 Another bad day. It started out well enough, as I went to the shop during my morning break for food. I got a few assorted items (fruit, yogurt, etc.) for lunch, but they had no bread (really--the shelf was completely bare). Lunch was all right, and in class someone offered me a tiny cookie, which I took. Disaster struck when I stopped by the shop on the way back to my room to buy something for dinner. There was NO fruit (except for old, pre-packaged sliced fruit which was 3.49 for a small serving ), and barely anything with no meat in it. I finally got the three-cheese rotini, some yogurt (I wanted something lighter to balance it out) and wheat thins (BAD choice--MAJOR trigger food) because it was the only thing there with any whole grains in it. I intended, of course, to eat one serving, and ended up eating three (almost the entire box--there are eight wheat thins left, I think). Tomorrow, I have no plans, so I am going to go to the real supermarket to buy larger quantities of fruit (and bread) and then exercise a lot to make up for my horrible eating behaviour of late. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, January 19, 2007 Caesar salad 1 300 Pita bread 1 210 Balance bar 1 200 Lean Cuisine cheese ravioli 1 pkg 240 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 1 100 Orange 1 65 French bread ~2 in ~87 Grapes 3 10 Total: 1282 Calories burned in exercise: 587 Weight: 110 (but I deserved it after yesterday)This was a wonderful day! I finally got some energy and enthusiasm, and ate relatively well. I talked to my mom and was cunning enough to mention that I was planning to go grocery shopping, at which she (predictably) offered to bring me some things if I wanted when she was in the area later. Slothful person that I am (although it is also quite cold...) I accepted. There was still no bread in the shop where I am, hence the ravioli, but when she came she brought apples, oranges, bananas, and bread, which I had requested, as well as grapes and French bread, two dangerous trigger foods . I had only planned to have an orange just before going to bed, but I had to have a bit of French bread and grapes, too... I really hope that I will be able to properly ration them. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, January 20, 2007 Peanut butter and crackers 1 packet 200 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Grapes 25 88 French bread ~5 in ~217 Wheat thins 8 70 Chocolate-coated altoid 1 8 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Banana 1 105 Total: 1198 Weight: 109 Had to do a First Aid/CPR course so that I can student teach next year, and as there was a lunch break and no mention of bringing a lunch I decided that it would either be provided or available for purchase somewhere in the building. Wrong. All there was was a vending machine, so I did the best I could with the peanut butter and crackers (and I was lucky to have enough coins for that). I got back around 3, having only had 200 calories, and so, as I had less time than usual to ingest a lot of calories I decided it would be a good time to get rid of those wheat thins and a lot of the French bread. To be fair, I call it French bread only because it is shaped like a baguette. Actually I think it might have some whole grain, and I know it has a lot of seeds and such mixed in. Whatever it is, it is good and it is addictive. Overall it was a relatively good day, although I had a splitting headache for the latter half of it. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, January 21, 2007 Banana 1 105 Orange 1 65 Grapes 30 105 French bread 3 in 130 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Grapes 16 56 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 French bread (the last) 3 in 130 Apple 1 70 Chocolate-coated altoids 2 16 Total: 1187 Calories burned in exercise: 310 Weight: 109 I had a good day today, overall. I was just in a relatively good mood for no particular reason. I felt more energetic, and got a few things done. Hopefully the trend will continue... |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, January 22, 2007 Salad 1 ~250 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Strawberries 5 23 Grapes 28 98 Whole-wheat bread 2 slices 140 Chocolate-covered altoids 2 16 Banana 1 105 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 70 Orange 1 65 Total: 1217 Weight: 109 What a useless day. I only had class for about an hour this morning, so surely I could have done something productive with the rest of my day, not least look for a JOB, but no, I sat here, read a little, drank lots of tea, and watched tv. To be fair, it's that time of the month and I felt like $&#%, but even so I could have done better. Tomorrow I have class most of the day, so while I will probably still feel like $&#% and be in the same unproductive daze, I will at least feel less wasteful of my time. As far as food goes, I did all right although I did get sudden cravings for bread, which, again, is typical for this particular time of the month. At least it wasn't chocolate. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, January 23, 2007 Salad 1 ~300? Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Balance bar 1 200 Grapes 4 14 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Banana 1 105 Orange 1 65 Total: 1204 Weight: 108 Nice to see something lower than 109, even though I'm sure it will continue to fluctuate. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, January 24, 2007 Banana 1 105 Salad 1 ~200 Pita bread 1 240 Grapes 14 49 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Banana 1 105 Orange 1 65 Total: 1204 Calories burned in exercise: 300 Weight: 108 Very, very, bad day. For some reason I got really depressed and had the "wishing I could shrink away into nonexistence" feeling even though I was alone and no one was looking at me. I started compulsively eating (grapes, slice of bread) right after lunch, but fortunately switched to exercise. My heart wasn't in it, though, and I didn't really get the usual post-exercise burst of energy and optimism. I wasn't quite as depressed as before I suppose, but still not great. After dinner I felt better. I don't know why the despair, everything is going relatively well. Actually now that I think about it I do know, for today at least. My dad called this morning, and he kept asking when I was coming home and (half?)jokingly saying that I ought to just move back home. It got me thinking about a lot of things, like why I never want to go home for a visit (largely food-related, which I can't really explain to them) and why I moved away in the first place. It was, presumably, for the social aspect of university, living with all of my friends. Well, that didn't work out so well. I have created a life for myself, of course, which is quite different from the one I lead at my parents' house. I like it here, and this feels like home, but it does get lonely sometimes. Then there is the whole identity/independence issue, where I feel like I have to be everything that my parents want me to be when I'm with them. I therefore feel that, as long as I am in this city, I am perpetually in limbo, trying to lead two completely different parallel lives--the person my family wants and expects, and the person I want to be. The only time I really felt free to be myself (and, incidentally, the only time I had loads of friends and was completely, blissfully happy) was when I was in South America. I'm rambling, and this has nothing (directly) to do with food, but I just thought it was worth exploring because I came dangerously close to binging today and wanted to analyse what brought it on. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, January 25, 2007 Grapes 4 14 Salad 1 ~350? Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Strawberries 5 23 Cookie 1 150 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Light'n'Fit Smoothie 1 60 (they were out of yogurt... grrr) Apple 1 70 Chocolate-coated altoid 1 8 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Orange 1 65 Total: 1200 Weight: 108 I was very physically hungry all morning, which is very unusual. I usually never get hungry, and on the rare occasions that I do it is usually never in the morning. Anyway, the prepared salads weren't out yet when I went for lunch, so I made my own and went a little heavier than I should have on the cheese, thanks largely to the fact that I was actually hungry as I was going down the line. Then in one of my classes (I have class from 1-6 on Thursdays ) there were cookies. Fortunately they weren't homemade and I could see the label to get the calories . After dinner I was a bit bingy though, I think it was because light'n'fit smoothies, good though they taste, are not nearly as filling or satisfying as yogurt. They're too small and too sweet, and they just leave me wanting more. I ate the bread and the altoid in a slightly uncontrollable fashion, and then calmed myself down by eating an orange while preparing a nice cup of tea to curb my appetite. Thankfully it worked. I realised that I still had 3 meals left on the meal plan to use before tomorrow night, so I rushed out to get something before the cafeteria closed. I got some things from the salad bar, primarily various types of beans, a hard-boiled egg, and a few strawberries, to use over the weekend. Hopefully I will have the self-control to dole them out sensibly, as there is quite a lot in total. I'm going to do the family analysis thing as mentioned in Nir's diary when I get a chance, but Thursdays are my one somewhat-busy days, so probably tomorrow. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, January 26, 2007 Smoothie 1 355 Mixed beans 1/2 c ~130 Green peas 1/4 c ~30 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Strawberries 6 25 Moroccan stew 1 pkg 160 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Bread 1 slice 60 Total: 1250 Calories burned in exercise: 216 Weight: 108 Well the day was relatively productive, but in the evening my mom offered to bring me some fruit again, to which I gladly agreed. She also, however, brought bread. I did need more bread, but she, of all people, brought non-whole wheat bread because it was on sale, and to make matters worse there was no nutritional information on the package. That is shocking to me, as she spent the majority of my childhood preaching the virtues of whole-wheat bread and refusing to buy anything else (except on special occasions for a treat). Anyway, this bread that she brought looks and tastes like English muffin in loaf form, so I looked up the calories in English muffins, did a lot of calculations, and came up with about 60 calories per slice, which is not great as they are small slices. Oh well, I'll just have to use it up quickly. I didn't do as much exercise as planned because my feet have been really sore over the past couple of days, and it's not "I'm sore, I don't feel like doing anything" sore, it's more "something-is-about-to-break-in-there!!!" sore. I'm being careful because I got similar pain in my ankles a couple of years ago but gritted my teeth and ignored it because I was afraid that I would stop losing weight if I stopped exercising. Well, I eventually had no choice but to stop, as I could barely walk. I must have strained or pulled something, but I had to hobble around on swollen, very painful ankles for a few months. It was not pleasant, and I do not want to repeat the experience. So although I really need to be burning calories, I think I might have to give it a rest for a few days. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, January 27, 2007 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Bread 1 slice 60 Apple 1 70 Mixed vegetables 1 cup ~100 Mixed beans 1/2 cup 130 Banana pepper ~1? ~20 Bread 3 slices 180 Chocolate-dipped altoid 1 8 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Grapes 15 56 Orange 1 65 Total calories: 1179 Weight: 108 Trying to use up the bread before I binge on it... |
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Nir Senior Administrator 
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Some months ago I acquired lots of bread-rolls 'with whole grain' where in fact the refined-flour to whole-grain flour ratio was 2:1. I got them because their price worked out to be negative and I balanced them with something healthy at the checkout. I gave all but one of the packets away to a friend. My one packet went in the freezer and I was ocassionally digging in to get a half-roll. I recently catalogued everything in my freezer and decided that this refined-flour product is best placed in the rubbish bin. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Family Analysis Mother~ She is naturally a very healthy eater. Her favourite foods are whole-wheat bread, raw or steamed vegetables, grapes, bananas, and orange juice. She does not particularly like sweets of any kind, and cake, cookies, brownies, pies, etc. etc. simply do not tempt her at all. She frequently turns down dessert because she is full, and genuinely doesn't want any, much to my consternation. That said, she is very health-conscious, and ever since I can remember she has always been going on about this or that new study showing the benefits of (insert food) in preventing (insert disease). Hardly a meal has ever gone by without her commenting on how I really should drink more milk for calcium, or how we really needed to start eating more vegetables. She is also very aware of the need to exercise, without ever doing much about it. When I was younger she would walk sometimes (speed-walking that is, not strolling), but mostly she just went on and on about how none of us got enough exercise, and that was soooo unhealthy. She nagged me about it all the time too, and I would always get frustrated and ask what exactly she had in mind (I really had nowhere to go except the street, and as I didn't have any friends in the neighbourhood I would have looked a bit silly running up and down the street alone for "fun") and she would then start feeling guilty for ruining my health by never buying a house with land. By the next day, though, she would again be ruefully lamenting how little exercise we got.  She seems to have no personal understanding of emotional eating. I'm not ranting, she's a wonderful person , but the fact is, she just doesn't. It just isn't something that she does or has ever done, and I don't think she realises what it is like for eating to be a person's primary coping mechanism for any emotion. She never seems to look forward to food or to enjoy it particularly. She often forgets about meals if she isn't hungry, and frequently talks about "getting supper over with" as if it is a troublesome chore (while it is, of course, the highlight of my day .)She also does not seem to understand my dad's more complicated relationship with food (see below). Father~ I used to think he was a relatively normal eater, but the older and more perceptive I've become, I don't think that is true. I think he has a lot of the same issues that I have, but we also have the same stubbornness and reluctance to admit to struggling with anything so it isn't obvious. He is a little overweight I suppose, but not grossly. He's got a bit of a belly, that's all, and looks pretty normal for a 60 year old. His eating behaviour can be erratic, and is often confusing to my mother. He is definitely a "nibbler," and is notorious for taking a bag or box of something or other with him to watch tv and eating most of the bag. If food is sitting in front of him, he will eat it. He, like me, really loves fatty, sugary food.  Unlike me, his tastes have not expanded to include most vegetables, and he's definitely a traditionalist when it comes to food. No ethnic cuisines, exotic spices, etc. for him (which makes it rather difficult for my mom to accomodate his health whims--see below). Every now and then he will burst into a complaint at dinner about there being too much (insert fatty ingredient) in the (insert main dish). Other times he makes the opposite complaint. Sometimes he requests unhealthy foods , only to later complain about there being too much rubbish around the house. Sometimes he will request more healthy food, only to later make disgusted faces and complain when they are served. All of this is incomprehensible to my mom, but I think that he probably is fighting the same battle with his own self-control that I fight, but, like me, he would rather take out his frustration on somebody else for not being able to psychically detect whether he is currently in a dieting mood or not than to admit to the struggle. When the subject of weight loss comes up, he is always quite hard on dieters. He says it is just an issue of self-control, and has little sympathy for others who struggle. I have been known to think similar things, mostly in an attempt to give myself a good hard metaphorical kick. Somehow, by being harsh to others with the same struggles, you are also being harsh to the self that you are so frustrated with. I have a sneaking suspicion that he might be doing the same thing. Just a suspicion, though. To be fair, there have been times when he has lost weight, but he has always put it back on. He just likes food too much, and he isn't seriously overweight so it isn't an urgent health issue or anything. I should clarify that he doesn't really binge or anything (probably because he never restricts severely). I'm pretty sure, however, that he does eat compulsively, for emotional reasons, and that he is more preoccupied with food than he should be. ...and me~ So, I'll play amateur psychologist and say that I internalised both my mom's health angst and my dad's bad eating habits, learning to eat emotionally and lead a sedantary life while feeling really guilty about it. Maybe. Then again, they never even hinted that I needed to lose weight. That was my own idea at some point in my childhood (the first time I remember seriously dieting I was 11 or 12, but I had major body image issues long before that), and they both thought it was so ridiculous that they sort of dismissed it. My mom especially (I never really discussed it much with my dad...) never seemed to grasp that I couldn't "just eat when I was hungry," that I really was preoccupied with food every moment of every day. She sort of jokes about "I don't see how you people think so much about food!" and rolls her eyes dismissively whenever I bring up any sort of eating issue. She means well of course, just wanting me to forget about it and eat "normally," but she doesn't understand what a serious, life-consuming problem it is. Anyway, they are not nearly as large a part of my life now that I don't live with them, but it is interesting to think about how they might have affected my eating habits. I have to give my mom credit, though, for teaching me about healthy eating. I haven't eaten healthily for most of my (independent) life, but it was never for a lack of knowledge! Last edited on 29 Jan 2007 01:38 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, January 28, 2007 Bread 1 slice 60 Green peas 1/4 c 30 Banana pepper ~1? ~20 Mixed beans 1/4 c ~60 Kidney beans 1/2 c 140 Mixed vegetables 1/2 c ~50 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Bread 2 1/2 slices 150 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 220 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Total: 1200 Weight: 108 The mountain of salad bar vegetables that I got for one meal-plan meal on Thursday has worked well, providing for the entire weekend. I think I will be using that strategy in the future... Still working on that bread... You're right Nir, I should throw it away. But there are only a few slices left... and I think that I will use it up in another day or two at most, and I've saved myself money... which I need, as I'm still searching for a job. It might be worth buying my own fruit to avoid the extra "treats" that my mom seems to always throw in... I didn't do anything to put strain on my feet. It's very strange, the part that hurts is on the top, sort of the muscles that you use to pull back your toes or spread them out. Not really sure how I managed to hurt that!!! All the same, I'm being careful (see Friday's post). |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, January 29, 2007 Salad 1 ~210 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Strawberries 5 23 Bread 4 1/2 slices 270 Grapes 22 77 Chocolate-coated altoids 7 53 Lean Cuisine Cheese Ravioli 1 pkg 240 Apple 1 70 Orange 1 65 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 1190 Calories burned in exercise: 324 Weight: 107 I finally finished off the bread, the altoids, and the grapes. The bread set me in a very bingy mood, but as there was nothing left but a few grapes and mints, I had nothing to binge on and exercised instead. I probably shouldn't have, as the muscle/joint in question still hurt, but exercise has a way of suppressing my appetite and cravings, and I could tell that I was getting munchier after a few slothful days. I feel much better now, though. The nearby shop was out of whole-wheat bread and low-fat cheese AGAIN so I went for the (expensive) lean cuisine. Overall, though, I think it was a pretty good day. I'm awaiting some important news on Wednesday which could potentially trigger some erratic eating, so we shall see... |
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trimB Distinguished Member
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Chocoholic wrote: All of this is incomprehensible to my mom, but I think that he probably is fighting the same battle with his own self-control that I fight, but, like me, he would rather take out his frustration on somebody else for not being able to psychically detect whether he is currently in a dieting mood or not than to admit to the struggle. Loved your family analysis! You are very perceptive. Are there any insights that you gained that were new and/or especially helpful? I'm guessing that you're an only child then? |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, January 30, 2007 Salad 1 275 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Strawberries 5 23 Balance bar 1 200 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Orange 1 65 Moroccan stew 1 pkg 160 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Total: 1213 Weight: 107 I had a relatively productive day. Strange how I get the most done on the days when I have the least time. I work best under pressure I suppose, or perhaps more accurately, I only work under pressure! My feet really hurt today, and I think I really should take a rest from anything too strenuous on them. It sounds silly, but it does hurt to walk so I'm going to try to keep from doing anything tomorrow to make matters worse. I may end up doing it anyway though, as I get paranoid that I might stop losing weight if I don't. Yes, Trimblebe, I am an only child. It was lonely when I was little, but the older I got the more I got to enjoy it. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, January 30, 2007 Apple 1 70 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Smoothie 1 355 Raisin bran crunch 1 cont. 280 (ugh! What a disappointment! I was expecting normal raisin bran like I had as a child, but this rubbish was so sugar-coated it was actually sticky in places! )Cheese sandwich 1 240 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 70 Total: 1195 Weight: 106 I expected to be out until early afternoon, and so I took an apple and a slice of bread to tide myself over until a late lunch, but ended up not getting to eat until after three in the afternoon. All day I had been looking forward to a nice salad, only do discover that most of the cafeteria is closed from three to four-thirty . In retrospect, it would have been better to have my sandwich at lunch and go back for a salad at dinner, but standing, hungry, weak, and frustrated in the cafeteria, I went for what I thought were the healthiest higher-calorie options in the smoothie and cereal. I discovered, as noted above, that the cereal was a sugary mess, but I didn't have much time to ingest quite a few calories (had places to go in the later afternoon) so it served its purpose I suppose. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, February 1, 2007 Salad 1 ~275 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Cookie 1 90 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Oranges 2 130 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Apple 1 70 Total: 1195 Weight: 106 Thursdays are my busy day, so I had to eat a couple of oranges, an apple, and a slice of bread just before going to bed to finish off my calories. Had a cookie which was available in the afternoon, but again it was packaged so I could be certain of the calories .Last edited on 2 Feb 2007 02:48 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, February 2, 2007 Salad 2 ~310 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Strawberries 5 ~25 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Apple 1 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Banana 1 105 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Total: 1228 Calories burned in exercise: 311 Weight: 107 The more I make my own salads (the place with the pre-prepared ones--and posted calorie information--now opens later) the more cheese I use, and I'm getting more paranoid and raising my calories estimates. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, February 3, 2007 Special k 1 bowl 140 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Vegetable soup 1 can 160 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Apple 1 80 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Orange 1 65 Total: 1200 Weight: 107 I decided to try buying a box of Special K again, even though last time it resulted as a very dangerous food to keep on hand. I like it, and it is quite low-calorie and high-protein as cereals go, so I am going to try rationing it again. Also, I noticed that the latest bag of apples I've got has nutrition info printed on it, and it lists an apple as 80 calories. I think that these apples are very small, and had been counting them as 70, but as the information on the package is presumably for roughly the size of apple contained in the bag, I have begun counting them as 80 . |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, February 4, 2007 Special K 1 bowl 140 Lean Cuisine Cheese Ravioli 1 pkg 240 Apple 1 80 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Banana ~1/3 ~33? Special K ~2 bowls? 280? Total: 1428 Weight: 107 Very frustrating day overall. I got up in a very good mood, with lots of energy and lots of things I wanted to do. Unfortunately, nothing seemed to work out very well. I got back from an unsuccessful errand at about 3:30, in a horrible mood. Had tea and a balance bar (yum) and read a little, which was nice and relaxing. As dinnertime approached, I started feeling weak, restless, and unable to focus on anything but food. It was like I was starving or something, but no matter how many times I calculated it, I had had a pretty normal amount of calories for that time of day. It was the feeling I get when I've really starved myself and my body decides it's had enough. I nibbled a little cereal and a couple of bites of bread, and eventually gave in and had dinner. It was too late by then, though, and I couldn't stop thinking about food. I wanted something sweet, so I cut off a little piece of banana in hopes that that would satisfy me. It didn't. Eventually I grabbed the cereal box and began shoving it into my mouth (the cereal, not the box). Oh well, watch me be 106 in the morning in spite of it all. The stupid scale tends to work that way--illogically and completely unpredictably.Lessons of the day: 1) When this box is gone, there will be NO MORE BOXES OF CEREAL. I don't care how good my rationing record is or how badly I want cereal (usually not that badly, anyway), it's a single-serving container or nothing. 2) Never eat breakfast. I ate some cereal this morning at about 9:30-ish, when I usually don't eat anything before 11 at the earliest. I don't care how good it's meant to be for the metabolism, I'm never hungry in the mornings and when I eat anyway it always makes me hungrier later. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, February 5, 2007 Banana ~2/3 ~70 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Special K ~3 bowls ~340 Salad 1 ~210 Strawberries 5 25 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Total: 1190 Calories burned in exercise: 431 Weight: 108 (but I deserved it)Well I had quite a cereal binge in the late morning. I tried to fight it off with the rest of the banana from yesterday and some bread, but it was useless. I sat with the cereal box, shoving cereal into my mouth, for at least 30 minutes. I didn't even really want it anymore, but my hand just kept going . On the bright side, I did manage to salvage the day. I exercised (now I'm sort of limping, though, because my toe joints/muscles hurt again--hopefully it won't be worse tomorrow) enough to expurgate yesterday's caloric sins, and managed to rein in my calories today as well. I only have one serving of cereal left, and I certainly won't be buying any more, so that won't be a problem, and I can get back to normal tomorrow. |
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miss katz New Member
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Hello. I was reading your diary and thinking how similar we are with eating. I didn't read it all, too many pages, but you are doing really good. Eating just like I would, to the beat of my own drum. I'm having some trouble now with too many calories, but maybe one day my calories will read 1200 instead of 2200. It's funny how you feel you just have to 'finish' things. I am the same way. I'll have too much bread or cereal or whatever and I try to finish it before my low-carb diets, except I end up eating too much. I don't understand my need to 'finish' everything. So OCD and strange. I understand that special K thing. It's the sugar. I like the one with protein. Well, keep up the good work-maybe I can learn a few things from reading your diary:) |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, February 6, 2007 Salad 1 ~ 275 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Strawberries 5 25 Dove chocolate 1 44 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Banana 1 105 Total: 1189 Weight: 107 So, a fairly uneventful day. The chocolates were being passed around, and I could see that I would be able to accomodate the calories, so why not. My left foot really hurts, and I am still sort of limping, but I'll probably run on it tomorrow anyway even if it kills me (and it just might!) because I really need to burn the calories. Hi Miss Katz, I'm glad you can relate! I don't know about the "finishing" issue, it is strange, but I definitely do it! I'm getting better, though, about making some things last (not cereal, obviously ) |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, February 7, 2007 Banana 1 105 Salad 1 275 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Strawberries 5 25 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 240 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Orange 1 65 Total: 1210 Calories burned in exercise: 224 Weight: 106 Again, relatively uneventful. My left foot really hurts, and I didn't get to exercise as much as I should have. Whenever my left toes have to move, the muscle really hurts. I must have pulled or strained something. I was noticing that my legs look a little thinner (perhaps "less fat" would be more accurate) and less flabby, which is nice. My stomach, however, which is what I really want to shrink, seems to be getting bigger if anything. It seems that whatever I do, my stomach never really changes size or shape. I can feel more muscle underneath the fat, but the fat is still there. I suppose I should just be patient.  Sigh... |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, February 8, 2007 Salad 1 ~470 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Strawberries 5 25 Brownie 1 (small) 95 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Orange 1 65 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Total: 1230 Weight: 107 So, I knew I wouldn't have a lot of time later so I went wild on the salad--lots of cheese, chick peas, and even croutons . Then I ate a brownie in one of my classes, but again they were packaged and had calories listed . I got loads of beans and such for the weekend, and after eating the orange I must admit that I nibbled a few along with the half slice of bread. I was feeling pretty munchy. I didn't eat very many, though, and as I had made a very rough and probably high estimate of the salad, I decided to just include them in that. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, February 9, 2007 Whole-wheat bread 3 1/2 slices 245 Smoothie 1 355 Special K 1 bowl 140 Cheerios 1 bowl 140 Banana 1 105 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Various beans, peas, etc. ??? ~200? Total: 1695 Weight: 106 Ugh. I woke up this morning with my mind stubbornly fixated on food, and it remained so until 7 or so in the evening, at which point I was too stuffed and disgusted to eat any more. I tried to do work in the morning, but it was useless. I only got a very little reading done, as I spent the entire morning thinking about and counting the minutes until lunch. I had a couple of the slices of bread in an attempt to put my mind off food, but I was unsuccessful. I was really looking forward to a salad (one of the pre-made ones with the pita bread--haven't had one in weeks, it seems, and I like them because I know how many calories they have--also the pita bread is sort of a guilty pleasure ). After looking forward to it all morning, I arrived in the cafeteria and, alas, the place with the pre-made salads was closed again . Not only have they drastically reduced their hours, they have got into the habit lately of putting up a sign saying they are sorry, but they are "closed today" for no apparent reason. Grrr. Needless to say, I was none too pleased at that turn of events. I was kind of craving a smoothie, so I got one of those instead. They made it really thin though , so it was more like a drink than like soft-serve ice-cream (which is what I was really in the mood for...). I had the remaining portion of special K with it. Then I was still craving something grain-based, so I ate the Cheerios (a single-portion package) which I had got for tomorrow and then another slice or two of bread with a banana (which really did need eating--another day and it would have been mush).At that point it was about 2 pm and I had had 985 calories... eek! I considered a 190-calorie dinner of mixed vegetables and yogurt, with which I could have salvaged the day, but I decided instead to proceed as normal and just make this a maintenance day. This morning, the pain in my foot had spread to my ankle and calf muscle, I think from the awkward way I have been walking to avoid putting too much weight on the sore muscle... I don't know, my body hates me. I remember, though, when I pulled/strained something in my ankles a couple of years ago and could barely walk for a couple of months, that I eventually got the idea that maybe my body needed extra calories to repair the damage (I was eating 1000 calories a day at the time) and started eating 1500-1600 for awhile. I think that was also about the time of a break when I went home and ate a lot. Anyway, they almost immediately began to improve. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but I'm using it as my justification (well excuse actually ) for eating more--I cannot afford to be unable to do calorie-burning exercise for any length of time. I had planned to do some today, but when I had to hobble down the hall to the shower I decided maybe it wasn't such a good idea.Anyway, I should have just eaten vegetables for dinner, but by that time I was really craving cheese. So I went ahead with a cheese sandwich and yogurt, but later I got into the beans and such (kidney, chick peas, green peas, mixed vegetables (lima beans, corn, carrots, broccoli, bell pepper), mixed beans (kidney, chick peas green beans), and some cucumber and tomato). I was completely out of control by that time, and just nibbled on everything, so my calorie estimate for that is very rough. I was by that time quite full, and finally a nice cup of tea and a good book managed to distract me. For the rest of the evening I was quite focused, and got more done in the evening than I had all day. I still cannot figure out why I had this mad craving for food today. It was like what happens when I over-restrict calories, except that I haven't been... have I? I know a lot of my calories recently, especially the salads, have been estimates, but I haven't been hungry, and I think that if anything I have been too generous to myself. Oh, well. Tomorrow is another day. Last edited on 10 Feb 2007 04:13 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, February 10, 2007 Orange 1 65 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Banana 1 105 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Various kinds of beans, etc. ~1 cup? ~280? Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Balance bar 1 200 Total: 1175 Weight: 108 I had a snack at 11:30 or so, but then a discussion I was having with my teaching partner turned into a trip out to buy supplies, so I didn't get to eat again until 5:30. I had to rush to get in all of my calories, and it left me feeling as though I had overeaten although I had done no such thing. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, February 11, 2007 Mixed vegetables ~1 cup ~150? Tomato and cucumber ~1 cup? ~50? Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Apple 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 2 slices 140 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Balance bar 1 200 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Banana 1 105 Peanut butter and crackers 1 pkg 200 Apple 1/4 20 Total: 1263 Weight: 107 I felt very munchy all day. I finished my loaf of bread and when I went to get more to have a sandwich for dinner, they were out of whole-wheat bread, so I just got some yogurt and a banana to nibble. Later I got a craving for something substantial, and got the package of peanut butter and crackers from the vending machine . I then really wanted something sweet, so I cut out 1/4 of an apple and ate it and then went to bed before I could do any more damage. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, February 12, 2007 Caesar salad 1 300 Pita bread 1 240 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Banana 1 105 Total: 1175 Weight: 107 Finally the prepared salads again (it's not that I'm just lazy, it's the fact that I know how many calories are in them and they come with that pita bread...) Then one of my best friends whom I hadn't seen in almost a year came, and we spent most of the day catching up. I didn't get to eat dinner until very late, but it was quite all right. This stupid toe of mine is still impeding my calorie-burning. It doesn't hurt really, it just sort of pulls every time I take a step to remind me that if I put any strain on it it will. I think that if it isn't better by tomorrow I may just run on it anyway and hope nothing breaks in there. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, February 13, 2007 Apple 3/4 60 Caesar Salad 1 300 Pita bread 1 240 Bread 1 slice 50 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Orange 1 65 Banana 1 105 Total: 1170 Weight: 107 Another fairly uneventful day. For Valentine's Day I think I am going to give myself a (somewhat) free day, as my mom gave me a small box of chocolates, my friend brought me dark chocolate the other day, and the cafeteria is having a chocolate extravaganza at dinnertime... I'm only human you know I'm going to try not to eat more than I want "just because I can" though. I am going to try to keep the exercise I'll have to do to work it off firmly in my mind as I eat. We'll see what happens... |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007 I am not even going to estimate my calories, as they would be wild guesses. I ate the four chocolates in the box given me by my mother (290 calories), a yummy wrap with lots of black beans, a little rice, avocado, tomato, and pepper (which I ate on this particular day for the specific reason that I like it but haven't the faintest idea where to begin estimating its calories), a massive oatmeal/chocolate chip cookie (and I do mean massive--I'm sure at least four sensible cookies could easily fit inside it. The cookie's chewy goodness is legendary around campus and I had never had one so I took the opportunity to try it--it quite lived up to the reputation!!! I would be deceiving myself if I estimated it at below 1000 calories though). For dinner I ate a little of a couple of normally forbidden foods from the salad bar (potato salad and macaroni salad) but not to excess, and then I had a plate piled as high as I could balance it with chocolate-covered strawberries, chocolate-covered nuts, plain chocolates, mini M&Ms, etc. etc. Needless to say, I was quite full! It was a holiday though, planned and not to be repeated frequently, so I'm not too worried about it.Weight: 106 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, February 15, 2007 Salad 1 ~350? Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 50 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Banana 1 105 Strawberries 5 25 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 50 Orange 1 65 Total: 1115 Weight: 107 Yes, my calories were low today, but after yesterday I'm hardly worried! I'll be sure to eat enough tomorrow. |
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miss katz New Member
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Hello. wow you are doing really good and I like how you handle your eating and the way you feel about it. I'm always hearing about people complaining and thinking it's the end of the world because they overate one day, but you don't beat yourself up for it. You forgive yourself and move on and try to make it a better day the next day. You trust yourself. Thanks for being a good rolemodel, for me anyhow. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, February 16, 2007 Caesar salad 1 300 Pita bread 1 240 (I really need to work on only eating half of these...) Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Orange 1 65 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 50 Total: 1205 Weight: 106 Thanks Miss Katz!!! Believe me, it has been a long journey to forgiving myself and moving on. I wouldn't say that I trust myself though. I'm always at the mercy of events/my emotions. Something upsetting could happen at any moment and if I were in an emotionally volatile mood I'd be seconds away from stuffing myself silly. I've learned, though, that 1) there is life (and quite good life I must say) over 110 lb, and 2) panic=binge, so if I panic every time I make a mistake, I begin a very vicious cycle which I CANNOT afford right now. I've got weight to lose before May! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, February 17, 2007 Special K 1 cont 140 (a single-serving, package this time!!!) Yogurt 6 oz 100 Mixed vegetables 1 cup 100 Kidney beans ~1/4 cup 70 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 50 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Orange 1 65 Dark chocolate 1 square 60 Total: 1215 Weight: 106 I decided that I was in a responsible enough mood to begin rationing out the dark chocolate that my friend brought me from Paris. It is sooooo good!!! Very luxurious, though, made to be savoured bit by bit... still tempting, but not irresistably. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, February 18, 2007 Mixed vegetables 1/2 cup 50 Kidney beans 1/4 cup 70 Chick peas 1/2 cup 130 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 50 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Orange 1 65 Dark chocolate 1 square 60 Total: 1195 Weight: 106 Still waiting on that muscle in my foot to stop pulling but I'm running out of patience. It seems such a trivial thing to stop me burning calories, but at the same time I don't want to keep making it worse. Still, if it isn't healing, I can't just turn sedentary forever. It doesn't hurt really, just sort of pulls annoyingly when I take a step. Maybe I will get over it and make tomorrow an exercise day regardless. Maybe. Then again, maybe not, we shall see. Grrr. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, February 19, 2007 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 50 Salad 1 350 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Strawberries 5 25 Dark chocolate 3 1/2 squares 210 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Orange 1 65 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 50 Total: 1180 Calories burned in exercise: 273 Weight: 105 Almost got out of control with the chocolate after lunch, but exercised instead. I think it was seeing 105 on the scales that gave me the will power to do that. I haven't seen that number in so long!!! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, February 20, 2007 Apple 1 80 Salad 1 300 Pita bread 1 240 (again, probably shouldn't have eaten all of that) Balance bar 1 200 Dark chocolate 1 square 60 Whole-wheat bread 2 slices 140 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 60 SnackWells cookies 1 pkg 210 Snickers bar 1 gigantic one 510 Total: 2050 Weight: 105 AGGGGGHHHH!!!!! Don't read, Miss Katz, I'm about to be a REALLY BAD role model, haha! So, today was a classic example of why I should never, never, never be optimistic. Never. I felt kind of weak and hungry all morning, so I had an apple to tide me over until lunchtime. Had to wait a long time for the salad as they were late opening, which meant that 1) I had to scarf it down as fast as I could, and 2) I was in a bad mood, which only got worse. Really boring class all afternoon, then back for a nice relaxing cup of tea and a book. But no, I had an e-mail about a job I applied for which looked really promising--good hours and VERY good pay. It doesn't look like it will work out, though. Even if I did pass the preliminary "auditions"--little presentations you have to give to prove that you're good at communicating with a group (which I'm not, anyway)--I would have to go through 6 to 8 weeks of training before I could start. I need the money for the summer, and to be honest I was probably kidding myself that I was up to that sort of a job anyway. So back to the job search, more and more frantically. With such limited mobility and such a high concentration of people willing to work (a university full of students) it seems that part-time work that pays enough to be worth the time will be very difficult to find. I HAVE to find something though, and soon. I had my tea , but couldn't concentrate on my book, good though it was. I spent awhile looking in vain for jobs, nibbled some chocolate and bread, then gave in and had an early dinner, just a sandwich and yogurt which took me to 1225. I should have stopped then, but I didn't. I had originally planned to have a free day for Mardi Gras  , anyway, but after Valentine's Day I had changed the plan and decided that one free day in a week was quite enough. That excuse sort of gave me the extra nudge, though, that I already wanted because of being worried about jobs, unable to concentrate on anything else, tired (from what???), and generally in a bad, compulsive, depressed, despairing mood. So I ate. I ate a packet of cookies first, then went back for something even more indulgent. I debated between peanut m&ms and a Snickers bar. I hadn't had a Snickers bar in ages, and sort of fancied one. You know a candy bar is obscenely large when the serving size is 1/3 of a bar. Who eats 1/3 of a candy bar?!?! Well I really just wanted the taste and the chewiness and would have been happy with half as much, and even told myself I would only eat 1/2 or so, but yeah right. I ate it all. So much for good news on the scales tomorrow. Oh well, I have no one to blame but myself. I really need to get myself under control, because in another week and a half I'll be going home for a week, which I dread. I wish I could look forward to going home, like everyone else.Last edited on 21 Feb 2007 02:01 am by Chocoholic |
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StuckSara Distinguished Member 
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Hey chocoholic- I just started reading your diary the other day. It looks like you've been doing really well the last couple weeks! you're down 2 lbs.! Don't hate yourself too much for that candy bar, chocolate will do that. My boyfriend has a drawer of candy bars and I can never stop at one... I will literally eat 3 candy bars in a row and still want more! But you've been doing so well that all your progress won't be ruined by one lowsy candy bar. I'm sorry you don't like going home. Why do you? You must be in college? I am too. I used to hate going home because I hated my step-mom, but now I go home to my boyfriend's house instead, and my dad got rid of my step-monster . Anyway, good luck with your diet! Oh, by the way, what is your goal weight? I couldn't imagine ever being way down on the scale where you are... not even under 130! I must be a little taller than you though. Anyway, I was just wanting a reference point while cheering for you! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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StuckSara wrote:I'm sorry you don't like going home. Why do you? Sorry, I should have explained that. I feel like I rant about it a lot so I thought I would spare everyone for once! It's nothing too traumatic, it's just that when I go home there is SO much food around, and my parents buy all sorts of "special" stuff that they know I like when I'm there, and take me out to restaurants that I love, and I completely lose control and binge (really binge, like my stomach is in pain and I still keep eating uncontrollably). I then get angry and frustrated with myself, which makes me depressed and irritable, all the while binging again and again, and ruining what should be an enjoyable visit with my parents. I also feel really guilty about always avoiding going home. We sort of joke about it, but I know it hurts their feelings really. Still, I can't just say to my parents "I don't like visiting you because there is food at your house!" They don't understand my food issues (see family analysis on the previous page). My goal weight is about 100 lb, and yes, I'm probably shorter than you! I'm shorter than most people (5 ft)! The trouble with me though, is that I need to give myself a few extra pounds because I know I will start gaining again and I need to leave myself a little space. I'm actually not too concerned about that at the moment though, I just want to keep losing at my current rate until this summer. I know I will probably gain lots then, so the lower I start out the better. Eventually though, to answer your question, I am aiming for 100-ish, probably a little less just to give myself some room to regain a couple of pounds without panicking. Thanks for reading!!! It's always good to know that people are reading. |
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StuckSara Distinguished Member
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Okay, I can understand your going home issue then. My dad never really goes out to dinner (only the Olive Garden every once in a while, or a steak house) but all he has around the house is peanut butter, oreos, Ritz, and frozen burritos . I bet it's harder for you too since you deprive yourself from unhealthy foods when you're not at home, so when you go home it has just been so long since you've been able to indulge. I'm going to try to leave myself room and go a couple pounds under too! Then when I gain like 5 lbs. or so from being relaxed it's not a huge deal, and I'll just diet for a few weeks . You're welcome for reading, I'm pretty addicted, so thanks for writing! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, February 21, 2007 Salad 1 300 Pita bread 1 240 Balance bar 1 210 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Total: 1175 Weight: 105 Not a lot of fruit and veg today, but it was a busy day and I had to rush to get all of my calories in. It was quite warm today, and I put on a shirt that I bought last summer. It was rather tight then, and this morning it was very loose!!! It was wonderful to see a concrete demonstration of how much smaller I am, as the changes are so gradual that it is easy to take them for granted or assume that they are all in my head. Last edited on 23 Feb 2007 01:34 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, February 22, 2007 Salad 1 300 Pita bread 1 240 Cookie 1 150 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Light'n'fit smoothie 1 60 (the shop was out of yogurt )Apple 1 80 Banana 1 105 Total: 1185 Weight: 105 The salad was actually half a salad, as I dropped it on my way into my building and most of it spilled, but I didn't bother trying to guess at a calorie reduction. There was food in my class again, but there was calorie information on the cookies (chocolate with chocolate chips ) so it was all right.A week until I go home! My family normally almost never eats out, but when I'm there they want to take me out. My mom and I have a sort of tradition of going to different ethnic restaurants (my dad doesn't like trying exotic foods, so when I'm home my mom and I go together). It is fun, and it really is the only time I have access to those cuisines, so I have a tendency to go wild. That is usually at lunchtime, and then I also like to take advantage of being home (and therefore having access to a kitchen) to cook (and by cook I mean bake ), and my mom likes to cook for me at dinnertime... so it is useless for me to try to diet while visiting. The best I can hope for is to not gain weight, or to not gain much. |
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OWF Distinguished Member
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Chocoholic wrote:
Chocoholic, I cant even tell you how close to home that hit!!! First of all, congrats on your progress!! GREAT Work and its finally paying off!! Secondly, I can completely relate to your eating habits and issues, I feel like I truly have the same ones. I love love love chocolate and junkfood and I eat it almost everyday. Like I am addicted. And when around family, they try to make "special cakes and stuff" for me, and I kinda feel like I have to (and I want to) eat it!! ANyway, about it being in your head!!! OMG! That is how I feel all the time!!! Like, maybe I didnt really lose any weight, I am just convincing myself by certain clothes and weighing myself when I feel thin and less bloated...these are the things I often wonder which is why I keep a written and typed LOG of measurements my mom takes (so I cant fool myself) and bodyfat % my husband takes (so I cant cheat!) and my weight that is on 2 different scales-that could be right or wrong, nobody knows for sure...but I understand how you feel and isnt it great to actually SEE the results through your clothes fitting looser?????? Ithat!!! That is the ultimate test-your clothes fitting looser!! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, February 23, 2007 Salad 1 300 Pita bread 1 240 Strawberries 5 25 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Dark chocolate 1/2 square 30 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Banana 1 105 Orange 1 65 Total: 1225 Calories burned in exercise: 292 Weight: 105 Thanks OWF!!! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, February 24, 2007 Orange 1 65 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Mixed vegetables 1 cup ~100 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Chick peas 1/4 cup 65 Kidney beans 1/4 cup 70 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Strawberries 5 25 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Total: 1185 Weight: 105 Rationing vegetables over the weekend is again working well I always feel incredibly full (sometimes uncomfortably so) after a meal of beans and vegetables, I suppose because of the volume. I do have to be sure I have some fruit or yogurt or something though, as it often makes me crave something sweet. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, February 25, 2007 Mixed vegetables 1 cup ~100 Kidney beans 1/4 cup 70 Green peas 1/4 cup 30 Chick peas 1/4 cup 65 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Banana 1 105 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Lignt'n'fit smoothie 1 60 (yes, the shop was out of yogurt again) Apple 1 80 Orange 1 65 Total: 1195 Weight: 104 I was shocked to see 104 on the scale this morning!!! I am so excited, and yet I know it will probably still fluctuate for a while... I can't believe it! I actually feel like I am a reasonable size again. Obviously I would like to lose a few more pounds, but I don't feel fat anymore, which is incredibly motivating! I do, however, feel sort of... tired and weak and empty inside. I know I am eating enough, but it doesn't feel like it. I'm going to watch my calories and be sure, but I know I have been eating enough. Maybe it will be better tomorrow... Last edited on 28 Feb 2007 03:16 am by Chocoholic |
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Ella Luka Past Member
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Congrats on the 104! I think I may have been more excited then you to have seen that number in your diary :) I've been following along and have seen how much you had wanted it. I'm glad for you! Keep up the good work, it seems to be working for ya. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, February 26, 2007 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Salad 1 300 Pita bread 1 240 Banana 1 105 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Orange 1 65 Dark chocolate 1 square 60 Total: 1230 Weight: 104 Thank you so much Ella Luka!!! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, February 27, 2007 Salad 1 300 Pita bread 1 240 Apple 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Orange 1 65 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Total: 1185 Weight: 104 Two days until I go home! I am excited, but the sad bit is that I really am not sure whether I am excited about visiting my family or about food. A little of both probably. Still, I really, really hope that I do not binge, binging being defined not simply as overeating but as overeating uncontrollably, even when I am uncomfortably full and do not really want the food. I do so hope that I will not do too much damage!!! |
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miss katz New Member
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Hello. I haven't been here for a few days. You are still a good role-model. I like how you put the happy/angry faces depending on how well you do. Reminds me of when I was little and got a star for getting good grades. I guess a diet is like a test:) I've been doing good on my diet. You inspire me to do good. I know I said that before but really you do I think if you can do it, I can do it too. I'm also beginning to think that bingeing once in awhile is normal and natural. I know what you mean about family/friends encouraging eating. It's so sad, in a way, that over-eating is encouraged. I hope I don't encourage that, it's hard to see it when you do it. It's great that you are 104lbs. I know how hard it is to lose a pound or a set of five, takes forever. Alot of determination. It's funny how you say you ration food, reminds me of soldiers in a war. I do that sometimes too, especially with hershey bars-I mean the little bars of the hershey bar:) I know 3 of them is 57 calories. Good luck at home. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, February 28, 2007 Salad 1 300 Pita bread 1 240 Apple 1 80 Orange 1 65 Cheese sandwich 1 250 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Chick peas 1/4 cup 65 Orange 1 65 Total: 1205 Weight: 104 Thank you Miss Katz! Funny you mention the happy/angry faces, I actually started putting those in just to add a little colour  and visual interest! I think it's easier to read people's posts when they space things out, use bold and italics, and all the lovely little pictures. Sometimes I do think of rationing as rationing during WWII or some other crisis, it makes it seem more noble and exciting than just a lack of self-control, lol. I also find myself thinking of calories in economic terms, like thinking about how many calories I have left to "spend" for the day or working out which foods give me the best "value for calories." I was trying to use up my fruit before going home, especially the oranges. I think I will still have to take home an orange and some apples, but that will give me something to snack on at home I suppose (not that I will snack on those ). |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sorry I haven't posted in ages, the thought of chronicling my break is rather daunting. So, I decided not to . I did moderately badly, eating far to much and compulsively at times (the two trips to all-you-can-eat buffets while visiting my grandparents didn't help). I did refrain from baking a myriad of sweets (only one dessert, which only lasted a couple of days ), and there were not, for a change, an excess of dessert foods around the house. Of course I made up for it by munching chocolate chips and the baking chocolate, but I know it would have been much worse if real junk foods had been available. I also avoided going out to eat while at my parents' house, so that was good. Still, my mom cooked and bought special things (breads in particular were, as always, my downfall) and I felt very full for the majority of the time that I was there. On a better note, I went shopping and found loads of clothes that I liked and that made me look, well, almost good, despite my feeling stuffed and bloated from recent overeating. I was so excited! I normally hate shopping for clothes because I can never find things that I like and everything makes me look fat (ok, ok, I suppose plump, chunky, generally unattractive are more accurate), so this was very exciting for me. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, March 12, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Apple 1 80 Cheese sandwich 1 170 Yogurt 8 oz 150 Apple 1 80 Banana 1 105 Orange 1 65 Total Calories: 1190 Calories burned in exercise: 300 Weight: 108 I was a little alarmed at how much weight I had gained (I was guessing 1 lb real weight, and maybe 1 or maybe 2 water, food in my digestive system, etc. that would quickly disappear) but then I looked at the calendar and it all made sense. It should be going down again in a few days. Last edited on 16 Mar 2007 05:09 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, March 13, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 170 Yogurt 8 oz 140 Banana 1 105 Apple 1/2 40 Total Calories: 1195 Weight: 107 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, March 14, 2007 Apple 1/2 40 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 170 Yogurt 8 oz 140 Banana 1 105 Total Calories: 1195 Weight: 107 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, March 15, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Cheese sandwich 1 170 Banana 1 105 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Banana 1 105 Luna Bar 1 180 Total Calories: 1160 Weight: 106 Yes, my calories were a bit low. Oh well, I didn't finish eating them until nearly bedtime, and didn't feel like trying to find something in the 20-40 calorie range to eat. |
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Ella Luka Past Member
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You still around? |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, March 16, 2007 Banana 1 105 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Banana 1 105 Cheese sandwich 1 170 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Banana 1 105 (I was trying to finish off the bananas, as they were getting a bit old) Strawberries 5 25 Total calories: 1190 Calories burned in exercise: 224 Weight: 106 Yes, I'm still here Sorry, I've just been behind in recording everything here. That actually has been a good thing, as I have been thinking about other things and not concentrating on food all the time. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, March 17, 2007 Mixed vegetables 3/4 cup ~100 Kidney beans 1/4 c 70 Chick peas 1/4 c 65 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 50 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 170 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Canned pears 3/4 cup ~105 Apple 1 80 Total calories: 1190 Weight: 105 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, March 18, 2007 Mixed vegetables 3/4 cup ~100 Kidney beans 1/2 c 140 Chick peas 1/4 c 65 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 50 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 50 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 170 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Orange 1 65 Apple 1 80 Total calories: 1200 Weight: 105 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, March 19, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Bread samples at store ~1 inch ~33 Banana bread sample 1 ~35? Hershey's Dark Chocolate Nugget 1 43 Cheese sandwich 1 170 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 3 slices 190 Total calories: 1231 Calories burned in exercise: 222 Weight: 105 Went to buy groceries with my mom, hence the samples. She also talked me into eating a chocolate, and I got a bread craving when I got back. The damage was relatively limited, though, so I suppose it wasn't too bad. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, March 20, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Banana 1 105 Apple 1 80 Cheese sandwich 1 230 Yogurt 8 oz 140 Apple 1 80 Tangelo 1 60 Total calories: 1235 Weight: 105 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, March 21, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 170 Yogurt 8 oz 140 Apple 1 80 Total calories: 1200 Weight: 105 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, March 22, 2007 Smoothie 1 353 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Banana 1 105 Cheese sandwich 1 230 Yogurt 8 oz 140 Apple 1 80 Tangelo 1 60 Banana 1 105 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Total calories: 1213 Weight: 105 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, March 23, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Banana 1/2 53 Strawberries 5 25 Cheese sandwich 1 230 Yogurt 8 oz 140 Apple 1 80 Tangelo 1 60 Total calories: 1198 Calories burned in exercise: 229 Weight: 105 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, March 24, 2007 Banana 1/2 53 Mixed vegetables 1 cup ~150 Kidney beans 1/4 cup 70 Chick peas 1/4 cup 65 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Yogurt 8 oz 120 Strawberries 5 25 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Cheese sandwich 1 230 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Banana 1 105 Total calories: 1183 Weight: 105 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, March 25, 2007 Mixed vegetables 1/2 cup ~100 Kidney beans 1/4 cup 70 Chick peas 1/4 cup 65 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 230 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Banana 1 105 Total calories: 1200 Weight: 104 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, March 26, 2007 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Chick peas and kidney beans ~1/2 c ~135 Cheese sandwich 1 160 Yogurt 8 oz 140 Apple 1 80 Bread 1 slice 45 Tangelo 1 60 Total calories: 1195 Weight: 104 Sorry again for not updating this in so long. I have been very busy, which is a very good thing. My diet has been very monotonous, BUT I have not been spending a lot of time thinking about food , and I never get tired of the things I do eat. I always look forward to my nice salad at lunchtime, and to my sandwich, yogurt, and apple for dinner, and to my fruit or balance bar snacks, and they are just as tasty and satisfying as they ever were. So, I went to buy more bread and the only whole-wheat bread that they had was 120 calories per slice I normally refuse to buy bread that isn't whole wheat, but as there was a partially whole-wheat loaf with only 45 calories per slice, I decided to buy that instead. I also finally finished the last of the 140-calorie yogurt which I bought while with my mom (it was cheaper than the other brands, and I didn't want to seem paranoid. 40 calories to her is completely insignificant). |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, March 27, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 160 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Tangelo 1 60 Bread 2 slices 90 Total calories: 1230 Weight: 105 I was noticing today the significance that I still give food in my life. Less than I used to, it's true, but when I feel depressed, insecure, tired, and apathetic, as I did this afternoon, I automatically think about what I've been eating and what I should eat to counteract these feelings. I wonder if I have been eating too little, or not enough fruit and veg, or not enough water, etc. I always assume that my diet is wholly responsible for my moods. I know that it does have some influence, and especially when I cannot think of any other reason why I should feel that way I tend to attribute absolute control to food. That may not be true. Then again, is it? Just an observation... Last edited on 29 Mar 2007 01:37 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, March 28, 2007 Smoothie 1 355 Bread 2 slices 115 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 160 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Bread 1/2 slice 23 Banana 1 105 Tangelo 1 60 Total calories: 1198 Weight: 105 I seem to be stuck at 105. That isn't horrible, but I know I'm going to gain a lot this summer so I would like to allow a few extra pounds for that. I suppose, though, that I haven't been exercising as much. That is due to two reasons: 1) I've been busy, and 2) last time I sort of pulled something in my ankle (not badly, I only stopped for a few minutes at the time) and I want to be sure I don't make that worse. It seems to be fine by now though. I must have incredibly weak feet and ankles, as I seem to be perpetually pulling something. Anyway, if I can manage to find time to exercise a bit, maybe that will help. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, March 29, 2007 Bread 1/2 slice 23 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Oatmeal Raisin cookie 1 ~150 Ham and pineapple pizza 1 (large) slice ~400? Mixed fruit ~1/4 cup ~70 Chocolate cake 1 slice ~450? Chocolate-covered strawberry 1 ~100? Total: 1733 Weight: 105 Well, I broke all of the rules tonight . I knew that one girl was bringing pizza to a meeting tonight because it was her birthday, and I planned accordingly. What I did not know was that there would also be gooey, fabulously chocolatey cake and luscious chocolate-covered strawberries. Had I known, I would not have had the cookie offered me in a previous class. I was saving calories for pizza and a piece of fruit later, but that was all. And I ate the ham on the pizza as well . That is the first meat I've had since Christmastime . The calories frustrate me only in that I haven't lost a pound in quite a while, and this won't help. It isn't the end of the world, though. I haven't been exercising as I should, I know, and I just need to be patient. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, March 30, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Banana 1 105 Bread 1 slice 45 Cheese sandwich 1 160 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Tangelo 1 60 Banana 1 105 Total calories: 1195 Calories burned in exercise: 229 Weight: 105 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, March 31, 2007 Mixed vegetables 1 cup ~100 Kidney beans 1/4 c 70 Chick peas 1/4 c 65 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Bread 1 slice 45 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Cheese sandwich 1 200 Yogurt 6 oz 150 Apple 1 80 Graham cracker 1 30 Hershe's dark chocolate nugget 1 43 Banana 1 105 Tangelo 1 60 Strawberries 2 10 Bread 1 slice 45 Total calories: 1183 Weight: 105 I was quite proud of myself today I went home for the afternoon and evening because my little sweetheart is sick, and I still managed to keep the day under control. I had dinner there, but stuck to a sandwich, yogurt, and an apple, and only ate ONE of the chocolates in the bowl on the table, despite being offered some several times. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, April 1, 2007 Mixed vegetables 1 cup ~100 Kidney beans 1/4 c 70 Chick peas 1/4 c 65 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Bread 1slice 45 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 160 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Banana 1 105 Tangelo 1 60 Bread 1 slice 45 Total calories: 1210 Weight: 104 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, April 2, 2007 Apple 1 80 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Grapefruit 1 85 Cheese sandwich 1 160 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Banana 1 105 Bread 1 slice 45 Total calories: 1195 Calories burned in exercise: 260 Weight: 105 What am I doing wrong? Why is the scale not moving??? I am trying to be patient, but I've been stuck at 105 for over 2 weeks! If this is maintenence for 105, what on earth is going to happen to me when I stop counting calories over the summer?!? Even if my calorie calculations are a little off, surely I am not eating outrageous enough quantities to make myself fat on fruit and salad (always without dressing)!!! I am barely eating above my resting RMR, so how am I not losing weight? |
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miss katz New Member
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maybe because as you get smaller your body requires less calories? so it becomes harder to lose weight. I'm 147lbs. and I can only lose about 3lbs. a month and I am eating the lowest I can without going under my RMR. or you can be holding on to water weight? are you measuring your waist? |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, April 3, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Graham crackers 1 60 Bread sample at store 1 ~60? Wheat thins 4 40 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 8 oz 120 Apple 1 80 Chick peas ~1/8 c ~30 Bread 1 slice 70 Total calories: 1210 Weight: 105 Again, I went home this evening, and I did nibble a bit (graham crackers, wheat thins) but overall I didn't do too badly, especially as I was offered and refused a chocolate-chip cookie. When I got back, I finished off the chick peas left over from the weekend, and had a slice of bread. I could have made better choices, but at least my calories didn't go too high. Thanks for reading, Miss Katz! Well, according to the calculator on this website my resting RMR (which I should never go below) is currently 1163. So, I can't really reduce my calories, and increasing exercise isn't really feasible in the next few days, as I have loads of work to do and I really don't have the time. Maybe next week. And no, my waist isn't going anywhere either If anything I think it's a little bigger, but that may just be water. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, April 4, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Dark chocolates 5 230 Graham crackers 3 90 Wheat thins 15 150 Cheese sandwich 1 150 Yogurt 8 oz 120 Banana 1 105 Chocolate cookies 1 packet 210 Oatmeal raisin cookies 1 packet 280 Total calories: 1875 Weight: 105 Right, so today was, er, sub-optimal. What was really bad was not that I made bad choices and got slightly out of control at home (chocolates, crackers, etc.) but that when I got back tonight I actually bought more rubbish to eat (the two packets of cookies) and ate it before going to bed. I mean what I ate at home wasn't good, but my calories were still a little below maintenance, and it would have been all right. I'm not even sure what brought it on. I think partially I am frustrated and sort of think "eh, why not, it's not like I'm losing much weight as it is," but I know that isn't true. I've lost 10 pounds (granted, it took seven months... ), I am just being impatient. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, April 5, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Oatmeal raisin cookie 1 150 Graham crackers 3 90 Cheese sandwich 1 150 Yogurt 8 oz 120 Chips 1 serving 150 Oreos 2 100 Grapefruit 1 85 Total calories: 1385 Weight: 105 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, April 6, 2007 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Total calories: 1200 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, April 7, 2007 Mixed vegetables 1 cup ~150 Kidney beans 1/4 c 70 Chick peas 1/4 c 65 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Hot fudge milkshake (Sonic) 14 oz 640 Total calories: 1175 Weight: 103 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, April 8, 2007 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Cantaloupe and honeydew ~1/2 c ~35 Grapes 12 41 Muffin 1 medium ~220? Strawberries 5 25 Chocolate egg 1 mini 36 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Total calories: 1197 Weight: 103 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, April 9, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 South Beach Chocolate bar 1 210 Mixed vegetables 1 cup ~100 Kidney beans 1/4 c 70 Chick peas 1/4 c 65 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Total calories: 1200 Weight: 103 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, April 10, 2007 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Chocolate 1 53 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Total calories: 1218 Weight: 103 Sorry this has been a bit dull lately. I've been having a rather busy time, but should be able to start writing more now. |
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Phoebe Senior Member
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Chocoholic- WOW! I see that number creeping down to 103. Good for you. I guess that you have that cusion that you wanted before heading home for the summer! |
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miss katz New Member
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103lbs. Fantastic! It looks like the scale is moving. Congrats, time to have some |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, April 11, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Tangelo 1 60 Bread 3/4 slice 52 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Total calories: 1202 Weight: 103 Thanks everyone!!! I am of course VERY excited about seeing 103 on the scale! The bad news, though, is that my stomach isn't going anywhere. Above my belly button is smaller, perhaps, but at and below that it sort of balloons out, and my abdomen is the same size it's been for ages (yes, I've measured this) . My waist has always been the reason I've wanted to lose weight, so that is frustrating, but I suppose if I'm patient it will eventually come off. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, April 12, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 South Beach double chocolate bar 1 210 (I think anything with "South Beach" in the title sounds tacky and gimmicky, but they actually are relatively good and have 19g protein, which I really need) Bread 1/2 slice 35 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Tangelo 1 60 Total calories: 1195 Weight: 103 Well... slight dilemma. I was looking at the nutrition information at the university cafeteria's website for some reason, and because I'm compulsive I checked my everyday salad again. It said that the salad was 139 calories. I know that I got 300 from the website whenever I started eating them (probably a couple of years ago). I always thought that it sounded rather high, but they are a little heavy on the parmesan cheese and croutons sometimes so I used the number anyway. 139 seems low, but if that is true then I've been eating 161 fewer calories every weekday than I thought, which would take me considerably below my resting RMR . Oops. For the time being I am going to continue using 300, although my personal guess would be that it's somewhere in the low 200's (it's a relatively large salad, with mixed greens, grated carrots, a couple of tomato slices and cucumber slices, parmesan cheese, and croutons, with no dressing). Also, when I went to buy a new loaf of bread for my sandwich, the shop had no whole-wheat bread, so I had to settle for mostly white bread which has "some whole wheat flour." I tend to be much more munchy with non-whole-wheat bread, I suppose it's the high glycemic index. |
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miss katz New Member
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I know how you feel. My belly is the main reason for losing more weight. It's harder to lose that I guess. It's tricky when overestimating or underestimating calories because of RMR. I try not to do it too often, but tomorrow I'm going to a buffet, so I will have to estimate. When I think I went under my calories I make up for it by eating more the next day. 161x7weekdays is 1127 extra calories to eat? You gonna eat them? If you don't I will...I'm hungry. Staying up past my bedtime makes me hungry. |
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Nir Senior Administrator
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When I ate at the Pizza Hut buffet (in the UK), I established (by weighing) that each of their croutons is approximately 5 calories, though the shavings of parmezan cheese (from the sprinkles at my table) worked out remarkable value-for-calorie, quite a lot of shaking for not many calories. [my base estimates were 500 kcal/100g for croutons and 400 kcal/100g for cheese]. Based on these, I would go with low estimates. Of the vegetables you mention, the highest-calorie is the carrots (35 kcal/100g) but there are quite a few lower-calorie ones. 400g of carrots would be 140 calories. Your salad has less calories because it has lower-calorie veg, and then a few calories added back for the croutons and parmezan. Overall it wouldn't be a surprise if their analysis (139) was spot on. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, April 13, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Bread 2 slices 140 Luna bar 1 180 Vegetarian chili 1 package 160 Apple 1 80 Total calories: 1160 Calories burned in exercise: 293 Weight: 103 At this point I had not yet made a salad decision (see post for Monday), and therefore counted it as 300 as usual. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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So, er, not such a good weekend. I went with my parents to see my grandparents, as it was their 60th wedding anniversary. I started off nicely, carrying a planned lunch with me, which I ate instead of the milkshakes which my parents got on the way. Later in the afternoon, though, I lost control, nibbling throughout the afternoon, eating far too much for dinner, and even having ice-cream for dessert The next day, my mom had arranged with my grandparents' church to have a surprise dinner after church that morning, which included, of course, a dazzling array of food and a giant cake. I should have returned to healthy eating afterwards, of course, but no, as soon as we returned to our house (I went home with them to pick up a few things before returning to universty) I went immediately to the kitchen and ate all manner of naughty things I felt slightly sick and very disgusting by the time I went to bed. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, April 16, 2007 Salad 1 300 (see below) Flatbread 1 240 Bread 1 slice 70 South Beach chocolate bar 1 210 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Total calories: 1170 Calories burned in exercise: 377 Weight: 104 I felt lathargic and disgusting all day thanks to my Sunday binge, but the exercise did make me feel slightly better, once I convinced myself to actually get up and do it. When the cafeteria lady was making my salad today, she was interrupted and sort of restarted in midstream, which led to her putting on an exhorbitant amount of croutons and cheese. I counted 30 croutons, after I had already eaten a few!!! 150 calories in croutons alone! Of course, a sensible person would have removed some of them, but then again if I were a sensible person I wouldn't be posting here. Thank you, Nir, for your estimate. I decided today that I would begin counting the salad as 200, as I still think that 139 is a bit low considering the amount of croutons and cheese that they use. Out of curiosity, how many calories would you estimate for the salad aside from the croutons and cheese? |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, April 17, 2007 Salad 1 200 Flatbread 1 240 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Bread 1 1/2 slice 105 Tangelo 1 60 Total calories: 1195 Weight: 104 I counted the croutons today, and there were 20, so 100 calories' worth of croutons, and I'll estimate 60 calories of cheese, and 40 calories' worth of other vegetables? Does that sound reasonable? |
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Nir Senior Administrator
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Yes, I would think so, for those numbers. I'm grateful that I have no shame or embarassment as far as sporting my portable digital scales is concerned (no matter what reaction I get). It gives me the confidence to know how much I've eaten (often it is more than I think - ocassionally it is less. It is always nice to know though). |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, April 18, 2007 Bread 1 slice 70 Salad 1 200 Flatbread 1 240 Apple 1 80 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 M&Ms 22 75 Total calories: 1215 Weight: 103 It was the last day of the tutoring programme with which I volunteer, and there were little bags of candy for all of the tutors. I ate the small bag of M&Ms (which admittedly I shouldn't have), but I haven't eaten the "fun size" Twix bar and Three Musketeers bar, or the Air Head. Obviously I should throw them out, but that's highly unlikely. Hopefully I can ration them, although I'm not so fond of air heads so I may well be able to throw that one out. On a more positive note, they did have pizza , of which I ate none (not a huge accomplishment, as pizza has never been one of my great temptations).I know that I need to eat fewer bread products and more fruit and veg. At the moment I'm out of fruit except for apples , but in general I've not been doing as well with that lately. I know from past experience that when I do not allow myself to eat these foods, I desperately crave them and soon binge, and more recently some of the fruit and veg have been edged out by my attempts to increase my protein intake (which is still only 37g or so on a good day). Nir wrote: I'm grateful that I have no shame or embarassment as far as sporting my portable digital scales is concerned (no matter what reaction I get). It gives me the confidence to know how much I've eaten (often it is more than I think - ocassionally it is less. It is always nice to know though). If only I were so brave. I don't even let people see me estimating/counting/measuring my food in any way, which often leads to frustration and binges! I should perhaps consider buying a scale to have in my room though, so that I could measure what I've got once I've bought it. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, April 19, 2007 Bread 1/2 slice 35 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 1 100 Twix bar 1 mini 43 Total calories: 1208 Weight: 104 Well this was a 300-calorie salad day (I think from now on I'm going to judge each salad independently based on how extravagant the cafeteria lady was with the croutons and cheese that day, so if I attribute varying calorie amounts to it, that is why). I was quite proud of myself because in one of my classes there were brownies--nice, thick, chewy, lusciously chocolatey brownies with chocolate chunks--and I didn't eat a single one! I did eat the mini Twix bar later, but that leaves me only with the mini Three Musketeers bar, which I can work in today. I threw away the air head. I should have thrown them all away I suppose, but then again I suppose that rationing of sweets is a good skill to eventually acquire. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, April 20, 2007 Bread 1 slice 70 Salad 1 200 Flatbread 1 240 Three Musketeers bar 1 mini 26 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Banana 1 105 Total calories: 1191 Calories burned in exercise: 220 Weight: 103 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, April 21, 2007 Mixed vegetables ~1 cup ~100 Kidney beans 1/4 c 70 Chick peas 1/4 c 65 Bread 3 slices 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Granola bars 1 pkg 180 SnackWells chocolate cookies 1 pkg 210 Apple 1/2 40 Bread 1 slice 70 Total calories: 1595 Weight: 103 Ugh. I slept very late, which always makes me munchy, and I did indeed find myself nibbling in the afternoon, hence all the bread (I finally finished the non-whole-wheat loaf and started on a whole-wheat one, though), but the situation was still under control. Then, after dinner (which I ate early to prevent myself eating anything else), I got a craving for granola bars. I thought oh, why not, it wouldn't be so very far over my calorie limit. True, but it made me want something else that was sweet. Grrr. I think part of the problem was also that I was bored. I didn't have a lot of work to do and I couldn't get motivated to do anything constructive on my own. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, April 22, 2007 Mixed vegetables 1 cup ~150 Kidney beans 1/4 c 70 Chick peas 1/4 c 65 Bread 1 slice 70 Hard-boiled egg 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Orange 1 65 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Luna bar 1 180 Total calories: 1170 Calories burned in exercise: 220 Weight: 104 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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I am going to have a rant about Other People. It is not intended to be logical, and is almost certainly incredibly unfair to the Other People in question. But I am frustrated, so here goes: Why is it that other people can eat whatever they want and not gain weight??? Yes, yes, a lot of them do, the obesity epidemic, etc. etc. But what of the people that I see every day on this campus, thin, gorgeous girls eating chips, piles of cafeteria food with who-knows-how-many calories, pizza , ice-cream, brownies? They work out, you say. Perhaps, but I'm sure many of them don't, certainly not enough to burn off all of those calories. I mean one brownie like the one I turned down the other day has at least 400 calories, and that's an hour of aerobic exercise!!! And there was a (relatively thin) girl in my class who had two, and had had a brownie somewhere else the night before, and was going to make brownies with her roommate that evening! It wasn't a one-off, either, she often munches chocolate-covered pretzels or some other form of rubbish before and during class, as do many others. And many of these girls are the same ones who go out every weekend and drink loads and loads of  , which isn't exactly diet food either! Now there are individual differences in metabolism, I grant you, and most people are taller than I am and have an advantage that way, but even so, the simple calorie mathematics does not work out. I (usually) eat 1200 calories a day, which (usually) doesn't include any real junk food, I exercise (not enough, but it is torture to me so I'm proud of how well I've been doing lately), and I'm only losing about a pound every two weeks (which I'm not complaining about, just stating it for comparison). I'm back to feeling normal again, but I'm by no means thin, which is sort of frustrating since I am putting a Herculean effort into living a "thin" lifestyle (it may not look that way to others, but really, food was/still often is my raison d'etre, and I don't mean apples! ) These Other People eat far more than they should be able to, and not even healthy food, and still manage to maintain nice figures (I'm not talking about stick-thin people with metabolic disorders, just ordinary, normal-sized, non-pudgy 18-22 year old girls). Granted, my eating probably looks that way sometimes to people who don't know me. But there are people who I know eat at the cafeteria every day, and eat whatever they want (greasy Mexican food, cheesy Italian, high-calorie sandwiches, fried things of various descriptions, buttery vegetables, bread, pasta, not to mention desserts...) without gaining weight. They eat foods that I NEVER eat because they are practically my entire calorie allowance for the day (a pint of Ben&Jerry's ice-cream , which my freezer won't keep frozen and therefore must be eaten at one sitting, or a couple of the aforementioned brownies, or a Mexican meal from the cafeteria, for example) Will I ever be able to eat these foods without gaining weight? I suppose the truth is that I can when I do not when I can't have them and when I can, when they cease to be a temptation. Already I have discovered that there is more to life, that I can be happy without relying on sugar and fat, and yet... I still stop to let my mouth water as I pass the dessert section, I still forbid myself (when possible) to be in all-you-can-eat situations, I still feel a distinct twinge of bitter jealousy whenever I pass with my salad a thin, pretty girl eating cheesy lasagne, buttery garlic bread, and a slice of chocolate cake, and I am still frustrated enough by the whole business to write this entry. Last edited on 23 Apr 2007 09:54 pm by Chocoholic |
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SmallerMe Senior Member 
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I feel ya Chocoholic.. I have a tiny SIL who can EAT and not gain an ounce! You know those tiny girls on campus are tiny now but who knows if they will still be tiny by age 30.. I know that may not make you feel too much better now but it's true.. I was one of those girls the tiny cheerleader girl and look at me now I had 3 kids and was still a size 7 so see things can change for even tiny girls I know it just doesn't seem to make sense does it? But maybe you can see it this way... you will have a head up on them because you are learning how to be in good health right now so come 30 you will be the tiny girl for keeps and they will be here  trying to find an answer to weight loss.. Oh I'm so bad, but it's true~SmallerMe |
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Nir Senior Administrator
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If a person is not dieting (and especially if they have never dieted) they will have a higher metabolic rate [look at how far up I was able to push my maintenace calories back when I was not calorie-restricting, and still not gain]. Some people have a higher NEAT ("Non-exercise activity thermogenesis") for example if they eat a lot of calories they compensate by burning more through fidgeting (and they may not even realise they're doing it). There is a possibility that the person has an eating disorder and might be purging. Another possibility is that you are seeing their poor public eating habits and they hardly ever eat any other meals. One of my friends appears to only eat one meal per day! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, April 23, 2007 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Banana 1 105 Fish and chips 1 serving? ~700? Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Total calories: 1250 Calories burned in exercise: 220 Weight: 103 No, the fish and chips were not a binge. They were planned, and in fact have been planned for a very long time. I hadn't had fish and chips in years, and found out that they actually do serve them in an out-of-the-way place that is on the meal plan here, and so I have been wanting to try them all year. However, they never seemed to fit into my diet I have been increasingly realising, though, that I've only got another week before I go home, and so if I was going to try them I needed to do it. I know that the effects of eating such a large meal at once are often to make me binge the next day, and so I knew that I couldn't do it right before a weekend, or too close to the time I would be going home, when temptation would present itself. Tuesday was going to be a pretty busy day, so I thought Monday night would be the safest. I should have done it sooner, I wouldn't have been tempted to repeat it. The fish was all right, but the chips were horrid, greasy, and soggy . I ate a little over half of them, and after I had eaten one and a half of the two pieces of fish, I was full. I knew I needed the protein, so I took the batter off the remaining fish and just ate the fish. Thanks for responding, SmallerMe and Nir! You are both right, I was just frustrated that I can't (and probably will never be able to) eat normally, without counting anything or worrying about it. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, April 24, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Banana 1 105 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Banana 1 100 Orange 1 65 Total calories: 1200 Weight: 105 (I'm going to tell myself that it's retained water from all the salt in the fish and chips last night... I did drink a lot of water) This was a relatively good day. I was out and about, so I wasn't tempted to eat too much, and actually I was really excited about my salad and fruit after last night. Last edited on 25 Apr 2007 02:40 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007 Salad 1 250 Flatbread 1 240 Luna bar 1 180 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Banana 1 105 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Orange 1 65 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Banana 1/2 50 Total calories: 1230 Weight: 104 I came very close to going downstairs to the vending machine this evening, but I eventually resisted and managed to keep the calories under control with the bread and half-banana. It was a very close call though. Last edited on 26 Apr 2007 03:27 pm by Chocoholic |
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trimB Distinguished Member
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Sometimes when I have junky cravings like that, they keep re-appearing until I indulge them... at least a little bit. Try to plan it in if you feel that way too! It seems to be you're still inching down bit by bit? Always impressed by your efforts! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, April 26, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Banana 1 105 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Orange 1 65 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Orange 1 65 Total calories: 1180 Weight: 103 Thanks TrimB! I do try to indulge my cravings occasionally, but last night I was mostly just bored so I decided not to. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, April 27, 2007 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Total calories: 1160 Calories burned in exercise: 255 Weight: 103 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, April 28, 2007 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Vegetarian Chili 1 pkg 160 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Apple 1 80 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Banana 1 105 Total calories: 1175 Weight: 103 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, April 29, 2007 Lean Cuisine Cheese Ravioli 1 pkg 240 Banana 1 105 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 80 Banana 1 105 Orange 1 65 Total calories: 1175 Weight: 103 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, April 30, 2007 Salad 1 200 Flatbread 1 240 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Strawberry champagne 1 glass ~125 Brownie 1/2 ~250? Chocolate-covered strawberry 1 ~25? Chocolate-chip cookie 1 small ~75? White wine ~1/2 glass ~65? Total calories: 1250 Weight: 102 I was invited to a friend's little dessert party, which was quite nice, especially considering it's the first purely social event I've attended since.... I can't remember, but I think it might be the only one all year. Anyway, I did well in saving up my calories and moderating my consumption of desserts while there (those brownies were incredibly tempting, too ) Last edited on 3 May 2007 02:07 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, May 1, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Balance bar 1 200 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Orange 1 65 Total calories: 1190 Calories burned in exercise: 287 Weight: 101 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, May 2, 2007 Salad 1 300 Flatbread 1 240 Apple 1 80 Whole-wheat bread 1/2 slice 35 Graham cracker 1/2 15 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 8 oz 120 Apple 1 80 Banana 1 105 Total calories: 1185 Weight: 102 I moved home today, and so far have kept things under control, but it's going to be a very challenging couple of weeks. I casually suggested to my mom that I was thinking of going to the store myself and just managing my own food, since it would make life simpler for everyone, but she didn't seem to take to the idea. Apparently she doesn't make any connection between food and the fact that we're constantly bickering about everything and I'm always frustrated and irritable when I'm at home. I'm going to try to do it anyway, though, so that I can continue to have salads for lunch and sandwiches in the evening with fruit and such for snacks in between. Wish me luck... I just can't deal with her, she doesn't even think about what we are having for a meal until time for that meal, which makes it impossible to plan. I have to save an extravagant number of calories for the evening because I have no idea what she will decide to have, and I can't plan to get in my three servings of dairy because I never know how many will be included in supper. By saving so many calories for the unknown, I cannot eat a decent lunch and snack in the afternoon as I should, and I end up being ravenous and frustrated in the evening, which does not provide a hopeful basis for maintaining my calorie limit then. Last edited on 3 May 2007 02:22 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, May 3, 2007 Bread sample 1 ~24 Salad 1 210 Yogurt 8 oz 120 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Apple 1 80 Graham cracker 1/2 15 Banana 1 105 Eggplant parmigiana 1 serving ~200 French bread ~3 in 130 Grilled vegetables ~1/2 c ~100 Orange 1 65 Dark chocolate 1 43 Total calories: 1162 Weight: 103 A wonderful day! I had been planning to go to the store just before lunch so that I could have a salad, but my mom took the car as I was preparing to leave. Not to be deterred, I walked instead (it's only about a mile, so not much of an undertaking) and bought the necessary vegetables. Because I was alone, I had the opportunity to actually measure the ingredients of my salad and get a more accurate calorie count. I was amazed at how much food I was able to eat for 210 calories! The salad consisted of: 2 cups mixed salad greens (11 cal) 1/2 cup grated carrot (23 cal) 1/4 cup sliced cucumber (4 cal) 1 medium tomato, sliced (22 cal) 2 tbsp parmesan cheese (60 cal) 15 croutons (90 cal) It was a veritable mountain of food, and I could barely believe how few calories it contained!!! While alone in the kitchen preparing my salad, I found a cookbook and dish lying out, and noticed two eggplants in the refrigerator and a large can of diced tomatoes by the sink. I deduced that my mother was probably planning to make eggplant parmigiana, a favourite dish of hers, and took the opportunity to copy down the recipe for calorie calculation . Again, it had fewer calories than I would have guessed. I calculated about 1246 for the entire recipe, and so planned to eat about 1/8 of the dish for about 160. Because that seemed entirely unbelievable when I actually ate it (I was just too full for that to be true), I counted it as 200. There were no surprises. So, an excellent first day at home. Not quite sure about the scale, though. I need to reset it because I had it adjusted to work in my room, which has sort of very short carpet, which gives an extra couple of pounds compared to what it gives on a hard (ie tile) surface such as I have in the bathroom at home. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, May 4, 2007 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Salad 1 210 Yogurt 8 oz 120 Apple 1 80 Balance bar 1 200 (I brought it home with me--but it will be my last one for awhile) Graham crackers 1 1/2 45 Eggplant parmigiana 1 serving ~200 Grilled vegetables ~1/2 c ~100 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Oreo 1 50 Total calories: 1205 Weight: 101 (I calibrated the scale with the one in my parents' room, so I know that I'm not deluding myself by tampering with the scale!)Another unusually easy day. My mother left early this morning and will be out of town until tomorrow night, so I was on my own all day. I had the same lunch that I had yesterday, except that I ate the slice of bread in mid-morning instead of with lunch because I was feeling a little weak, tired, and munchy. I got a bit munchy in the late afternoon, but the balance bar mostly took care of that. When my dad came home, we had leftovers from the night before, and in the evening I did get quite munchy . I wanted something sweet, and was about to make calorie-free lemonade (sweet-n-low, lemon juice, ice water) but we were out of lemoh juice . Tempted by both oreos and more graham crackers, I settled for some yogurt and an oreo, going upstairs to get farther away from the kitchen. Fortunately it worked. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, May 5, 2007 Salad 1 210 Banana 1 105 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 70 Cheerios cereal 1 cup 110 Apple 1 80 Graham crackers 4 120 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 8 oz 120 Apple 1 80 Oreos 2 100 Total calories: 1205 Weight: 101 Just my dad and me at home today, and he didn't interfere in my food so that was good. My mom got home in the evening. Again, I was alone in the kitchen and able to measure, and was quite surprised at how much cereal I could have for 110 calories. Oreos were perhaps not the best choice to fill up the last 100 calories of the day, but the place was rather bare--one apple and one banana, which I will need tomorrow. I had planned to have an orange, but when I went to get it discovered that my dad had eaten it for breakfast. As it was almost bedtime and I was frustrated because I had been looking forward to the orange, I settled for the oreos and planned a grocery trip for tomorrow. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, May 6, 2007 Waffles ~2 ~300? Syrup ~1/4 c? ~100 Scrambled egg ~1 ~100 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Banana 1 105 Samples (bread, carrot cake) ? ~75? Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Graham cracker 1 30 Total calories: 1200 Weight: 101 A moderately awful day. My dad suggested waffles for dinner, and my mom and I agreed for lack of a better alternative. I was originally planning to eat something different, but I knew that I would just sit there feeling sorry for myself, smelling and looking enviously at the waffles, probably being pressed to eat some, and I would end up eating some in addition to whatever else I had, and so I decided to try to ration my waffles. Of course I had to estimate amounts and calories, as I was at the table with my family and unable to measure. Hopefully the inaccuracies in my estimates evened out. Originally I only had one waffle, but then I ate the batter left in the bowl, and then as I was doing the washing up I nibbled quite a bit more waffle. I was still craving more, but I ate an apple, drank a bottle of water, and brushed my teeth to fill me up and rid myself of the urge, which actually worked, but only by making my stomach feel repulsively full. I went to the store later, where I had samples and bought apples, oranges, bananas, tomatoes, and yogurt. I was feeling munchy when I returned, but then a friend called, which kept me happily distracted for a little over an hour. By that time it was late for supper, so I had my sandwich. Still feeling a bit munchy, I had a graham cracker and then forced myself to go upstairs. Thankfully I never went back down, and rescued the day. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can keep this up for two more weeks... |
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trimB Distinguished Member
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Do you think seeing results on the scale has motivated you?? You seem to have reached new heights of self-control... very impressive!! |
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zenobia Distinguished Member
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i agree with trimb! i have been meaning to post in your diary for a hwile. congrats on the loss. i think i missed a section of your diary a while back, because i wanted to find when you got so determined, as well as so slim! keep up the self control! i know, it is hard for me to go downstairs (as opposed to up) to get away from the kitchen. kudos to you! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, May 7, 2007 Cheerios 1 cup 110 Salad 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Banana 1 105 Split pea soup 1 can 240 Graham crackers 7 210 Orange 1 65 Oreo 1 50 Total calories: 1190 Weight: 101 Thanks TrimB and Zenobia!!! I would like to take credit, but actually my recent success has more to do with the fact that my parents have been busy and away a lot, and I've therefore been left on my own as far as food goes (with the exception of the waffle incident). Also, no one has been cooking, and the cabinets are quite bare. I actually don't have much of anything to binge on if I did decide to binge. This is all fine with me, of course, except that it could change at the drop of a hat. Seeing results on the scale does help, though, as well as the knowledge that if I binge even once all will be lost, because recovery is always the worst part and it's next to impossible when I'm at home. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, May 8, 2007 Salad 1 210 Whole-wheat bread 2 slices 120 Apple 1 80 Graham crackers 1 30 Samples ? ~60? Banana 1 105 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Graham crackers 2 1/2 75 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Orange 1 65 Dark chocolate 1 43 Total calories: 1198 Weight: 100 |
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Phoebe Senior Member
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Three cheers for you! Your discipline and dedication is really paying off! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, May 9, 2007 Salad 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Bread 1 slice 70 Apple 1 80 Graham crackers 8 240 French bread ~6 in ~260 Spinach gnocchi ~6 small balls ~300? Grilled vegetables ~1/4 c ~50? Total calories: 1270? Weight: 100 A bad day all round. I had my lunch a bit late, then went out to do some shopping. When I came back, it was late and I was very tired and hungry. I had deduced that my mother was going to make spinach gnocchi (for which, try as I might, I couldn't find any credible calorie information) but nonetheless went for the graham crackers. Then, I had to eat the gnocchi. I don't know how many calories are in them, but they are basically just balls of cheese with enough spinach thrown in to make them look healthy. I helped to make them, and estimated that I had about three small balls' worth while preparing them. At the table, three was the minimum that I thought I could eat without attracting attention. I also had to eat a token amount of grilled vegetables, but I lost control somewhat, as usual, with the bread . I probably overestimated the gnocchi, but better that than the alternative. I HATE ESTIMATING!!! P.S. Thanks Phoebe!!! Last edited on 11 May 2007 02:14 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, May 10, 2007 Salad 1 210 French bread 3 in 130 Apple 1 80 Yogurt 6 oz 60 French bread 3 in 130 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 French bread 3 in 130 Orange 1 65 Total calories: 1155 Weight: 100 Yes, I know I ate far too much bread today. I call it French bread, but actually it is a sort of multi-grain bread in that shape with various seeds and such. I was pleasantly surprised, actually, to find that each 3-inch serving has 5g of protein. Honestly, though, there wasn't much else to eat. Late in the afternoon I went out to buy more apples, but there really wasn't much snack food. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Friday, May 11. 2007 Apple 1 80 French bread 1.5 in 65 Salad 1 260 Graham crackers 6 180 Yogurt 1 60 French bread 1.5 in 65 Veggie burger (with cheese)1/2 200 Chips 13 140 Oreo 1 50 Banana 1 105 Total calories: 1205 Weight: 100 Wow. This has not been the best of days, and is the closest I've come to binging in a very long time. I was a bit hungry in the morning, so I had my apple and a bit of bread before lunchtime. I boiled an egg to chop up and add to my salad, using fewer croutons to compensate for some of the extra calories. Nibbled a couple of graham crackers along the way, but still under control. In the afternoon I went shopping with my mother. BAD idea. I don't know what my problem is with her. She is wonderful, she will do absolutely anything for me, never gets angry no matter how provoking I am, and bases her whole life around me, but I can't seem to stand to be around her. Everything she says or does gets on my last nerve, and I feel guilty about being so irritated by everything because I know she is only trying to help. I guess it's just the claustrophobia of not seeing or speaking to anyone else for days on end, as well as the fact that I'm 21 for goodness sake and about to start looking for a job next year, the whole adolescent independence thing is supposed to be long over! Anyway, after a few hours of staggering around in very painful shoes as she continually remembered something else that we should look for "while we're here" we finally returned home at almost suppertime. I had been in a horrible mood all afternoon anyway, and missing my afternoon snack and cup of tea hadn't helped matters. (I think my moods are more tied to food than most people's. I don't know, but a few hours after a meal I always get tired and depressed, and after I eat I am sort of energetic and happy again. I don't think that's normal.) I launched into some yogurt and finished off the "French" bread, which made me feel slightly better.She then decided that we would have veggie burgers for supper. I offered to split one with her (as we always used to do--NOT UNUSUAL). Then, at that of all moments, she decided to say that she didn't think I was eating enough, and that she thought I was eating "too much salad." WHAT does this woman want from me?!?! When I don't eat salad, she nags me to eat more vegetables, and when I do eat salad, she says I'm eating too much of it! What does she want me to do??? I mumbled that I was fine and left the room, not sure which I wanted more, to hit/throw/break something or to burst into tears. All through supper and afterwards I just wanted to scream. I'm only going to be here for another week, so surely I can put up with it for that long. But I can't, that's the thing. I have nothing to complain about, really. But every time I am home for very long, I just want to scream and break away from her control. What makes her think it's any of her business what I eat, anyway? I don't criticise her choices! For lunch today she had: a diet coke, three slices of bread eaten as one (270 calories), and a piece of chocolate (43 calories) all eaten in the car while driving! She's the one who forgets meals, not me! She's the one who never drinks water (and I do mean literally never)! Whew. Sorry about that, I'm still a little upset. Anyway, I calmed down a little after dinner and didn't have the piece of chocolate I was planning to have after the oreo. Had tea instead, which always calms me down, and later a banana and a couple more graham crackers. Tomorrow I have to bake a Mother's Day cake. Wish me luck not eating too much batter... I am definitely going to need it. Last edited on 12 May 2007 03:44 am by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Saturday, May 12, 2007 Chocolate cake batter ??? ~500? Biscuits 2 1/2 258 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Cheese sandwich 1 200 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Icing ~2 tbsp 150 Total calories: ~1308 Weight: 100 Sorry I've been a bit behind in my diary! This day felt bad, but actually I suppose I managed the damage well enough. I nibbled the cake and biscuits I was baking instead of eating lunch, which isn't the healthiest but at least I didn't eat it in addition, as I normally would have. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, May 13, 2007 Veggie sandwich 1 ~600? Crisps 1 bag 150 Cake 1 slice 360 Salad 1/2 90 (no croutons and half of the cheese) Yogurt 6 oz 60 Graham crackers 3 98 Total calories: 1358 Weight: 100 So, we went out to eat for lunch today and I did the best I could (short of eating half the sandwich and leaving the crisps, but I'm only human...) and then we had cake when we got home. Both of these were non-negotiable--it's a sort of family tradition and refusing the cake would have been impossible to explain. So, I did my best to compensate later with a small salad and yogurt for dinner. Unfortunately, not having eaten in 6 hours by that point, 150 calories left me unsatisfied, and I ended up getting into the graham crackers before I went to bed. Still, considering what could have happened, not too bad. Last edited on 16 May 2007 01:21 pm by Chocoholic |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, May 14, 2007 Green beans ~1/2 cup ~80? Glazed carrots ~1/2 cup ~80? Beans (?) ~1/4 cup ~70? Mashed potatoes ~1/2 cup ~100? Biscuit 1 ~200? Potato casserole? ~1/4 cup ~100? Grilled zucchini ~1/4 cup ~40? Cooked broccoli ~1/4 cup ~30? Cherry cobbler ~1/4 cup? ~200? Chocolate cake 1/2 slice ~200? Salad 1/2 60 (no croutons, half of everything else) Yogurt 6 oz 60 French bread ~4 1/2 in 195? Graham cracker 1 30 Total calories: 1445 Weight: 100 Er, bad day. Went to visit my grandparents, and they took us out to eat at an all-you-can-eat buffet, largely because they know that it is one of my favourite places to eat (which it is, when I'm in binge mode--the dessert bar is to die for ) So, it would hurt their feelings if I didn't go, or didn't have a full plate when I went. I tried to fill it up with the least damaging foods available, but all of my estimates are wild guesses, as I have no idea how much butter was in all of those vegetables--my guess is quite a bit. Again, I tried to compensate by eating a small salad and yogurt for dinner, but my mom had bought French bread (true French bread this time, very yummy and very nutrient-free ), which, again, the fact that I hadn't eaten in 6-7 hrs by this time caused me to crave and nibble. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, May 15, 2007 Salad 1 120 (no croutons) Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 65 Apple 1 80 Biscuits 2 ~350 Graham crackers 2 65 Cheese sandwich 1 200 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Chocolate cake 1 slice 360 Total calories: 1380 Weight: 100 Bad evening. I did all right at lunch, and I had planned for a slice of cake after dinner and a biscuit in the afternoon, but my parents kept putting off supper, and as I was waiting (and getting frustrated) I nibbled quite a bit more biscuit as well as some graham crackers. After eating, I was planning to have a small slice of cake (half the calories of my "standard" slice) and therefore balance out the calories. However, as my family was sitting at the table, and I went to cut my slice, I realised that the centre had been moved drastically so that a slice from one side would be almost twice as long as one from the other. I had calculated the calories of the cake by adding up the total calories and dividing by the number of slices, with 1/16 being my standard, 360-calorie slice. Now, I couldn't really divide it clock-fashion and have an accurate calorie estimate. I stood in confusion for a few moments, trying to work out my best estimate, and eventually made a cut which I immediately realised was too large. The uncertainty, the irritation of my parents' remarks about "Planning for guests, eh?" "Hard decision, huh?" as I hesitantly moved my knife trying to get the correct slice size, made my stomach turn and I suddenly didn't want the cake anymore at all. A had a bite and then left and went upstairs to calm down. The slice was cut and I had to eat it, and I would have been upset if I threw it away, but I felt so fat eating it because I knew I would have to count it as 360. By the time I returned to the cake it was dried out, and not worth the calories at all. Still, my parents were still down there so I couldn't get away with throwing it away. I forced it down, but it was a struggle. Every bite I just wanted to spit out, I just felt so fat around the stomach. So I ended up with far too many calories, and only two more days to go. Ugh. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Wednesday, May 16, 2007 Salad 1 120 (no croutons) Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 65 Banana 1 105 Graham crackers 2 65 Cheerios 1 cup 110 Apple 1 80 Cheese sandwich 1 200 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Chocolate cake 1 slice ~320 Total calories: 1205 Weight: 100 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thursday, May 17, 2007 Salad 1 120 (no croutons) Mixed fruit ~1/2 c? ~70 Whole-wheat bread 1 slice 65 Graham crackers 2 65 Apple 1 80 Cheerios 1 cup 110 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 60 Apple 1 80 Strawberries with sugar ~1/2 cup? ~150? Chocolate cake 1 small slice ~200 Total calories: 1210 Weight: 100 Well, I'm off for the summer! I don't know how much I will be able to post while I'm away, but I am going to do my best to eat "normally," whatever that means. I am going to try to eat what I want and not worry about it, while avoiding binging and eating for the wrong reasons. I probably will gain weight, but I am going to try to not let that bother me. I'm sure I will be calorie-counting again in the autumn, but for now that won't be practical. Hopefully I can reach some level of normality! |
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Phoebe Senior Member
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Enjoy your summer and your awsome weight loss success! |
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Peter Founder of this forum
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Chocoholic wrote: Hopefully I can reach some level of normality! I'm still hoping for that too. For myself! Have a great summer, Peter |
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Nir Senior Administrator
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I hope you enjoy your vacation. However, if you do come back with 15lb to lose (like last time), what will it say? Will it say that your body isn't comfortable with the weight you've forced it to maintain during your dieting phase -- or will it be more a reflection of lack of availability of healthy food choices when you were away? |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Thanks! So far it's fantastic! I think it would say that I still need the structure of meticulous calorie counting to keep me from overeating. This is where my body was four years ago before I went to university (yes, I had been dieting/binging before that, but I had never been over 105), so I'm not worried that I'm unnaturally thin. Actually I think that naturally I'm probably even less than that, because all throughout my teenage years, while I did some pretty severe short-term dieting, I also fairly regularly ate gargantuan amounts of the most calorie-rich foods I had access to and never really exercised. I must have originally had a reasonably fast metabolism, which I proceeded to destroy. I still have the same complaint of proportion that I always had, and I'm learning that it may be beyond my control. My waist just isn't much smaller than my chest and hips, and no matter how much weight I lose I'm never going to look like an hourglass. I always thought that if only I lost weight, that stomach fat of mine would go away, but it hasn't. I actually think my chest has even got smaller, which exacerbates the problem, while my stomach never seems to change. Still, I'd rather look like a small paint can than a large one. So far I haven't been binging, but I have probably been eating too many calories, which I'm not terribly worried about as long as it isn't the centre of my life. When I get into a bit more of a routine it will hopefully improve, at least a little (I'm not on vacation exactly, its a programme with my university where I am actually doing part of my teaching practice, so I am quite busy!) I was binging quite a lot last summer, so hopefully, while I'm sure I will gain a little weight this time, I won't gain 15 lb. We'll see, though. |
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trimB Distinguished Member
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Chocoholic wrote: Still, I'd rather look like a small paint can than a large one. HAHA, I just had to laugh at your paint can analogy!!! Probably because I can COMPLETELY sympathize. I always say I'm built like a twelve-year old boy... and I think with that sort of build, ANY extra weight tends to look even worse. I always aim for the low range of the healthy weight guidelines for that reason. I like your balanced attitude about your summer time routine (or non-routine??).. it seems like it could very well keep you from the binging behavior. Keep us posted when you can! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Update: Things have been gradually getting more and more out of hand. At first I was busy and just ate too much at meals, but then I started adding more and more snacks , ice-creams, etc. etc. until the past couple of nights I have done what I would consider binging. In those two nights I devoured two of the giant Cadbury bars (a fruit and nut and a dark chocolate), several Kit-Kat bars, an entire packet of Jaffa cakes, not to mention the "real food" that I ate, like sandwiches, cereal, and fruit. I am therefore reinstating a loose version of calorie-counting with 1500 as my limit (I am walking a lot more than usual, and I really don't intend to deprive myself or lose weight while I'm here, I just want to eat sensibly and not gain weight, or not much at least). So far so good with that. I've had (very) approximately 1347 so far today, and I haven't got many sweets left to do too much damage. I just really hope that this calorie counting can remain a rough estimate to keep me within the bounds of reason rather than the obsessive, meticulous operation I ran before I left. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Well, that was a complete failure! I did have a lovely summer, but I came back weighing 115 lb again! I have hesitated to begin posting here again because I've been trying to just be sensible and not revert to the obsessive calorie-counting of last year, especially as I'm much busier than I was and I don't have time for all of the calculations and measurements that I used to do! I am in my second student teaching placement, which means that I have to get up at an obscene hour of the night when most other university students haven't gone to bed yet, go to school, and keep a room full of six-year-olds entertained and reasonably calm for seven hours (and maybe even teach them something if I'm lucky). Unfortunately, that means that when I get home in the afternoon all I want to do is eat (and not usually salad!) and sleep, but instead I have to write pages of analysis on all of my lessons for the university mentors. Argh!!! I haven't been doing very well so far, though, and I think that I may have to go back to calorie-counting. If I do not post every day, though, it will probably be because I simply do not have the time. This also means, of course, that I rarely have time to exercise except on weekends, which is not helpful. I do need some accountability, though, because my motivation has been seriously lacking and I keep procrastinating about returning to a healthy lifestyle, and so I'm back. I don't know why this time should be any different from the previous thousands, but I keep hoping that it will. I don't want to be a slave to food all my life. |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Sunday, 23 September, 2007 Bread and marmalade (I've become strangely addicted...) 1 slice ~120 Apple 1 small 60 Lean Cuisine Four-Cheese Connelloni 1 package 240 Apple 1 small 60 Shortbread 1 packet 360 ( BAD I know!!! I wasn't going to eat all of them, but...)Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 1 100 Peach 1 60 Total calories: 1210 Calories burned in exercise: 250 Weight: 115 |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Monday, 24 September 2007 Bread with marmalade 1 slice 120 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 small 60 Marathon bar(???) 1 170 (I'm not sure of the name but I ate it for the protein) Salad 1 large ~400? Peach 1 60 Bread 1 slice 75 (this was the last slice of the 75-calorie bread--now I've got the 50-calorie kind) Total calories: 1195 Weight: 116 I refused M&Ms in favour of an apple in the car on the way home from school today (I carpool with three other student teachers), which was a major success for me . I didn't have the best of days at school though. The regular teacher was absent, and so I had to teach all day. I am such RUBBISH at classroom management! They are only six years old for goodness sake, and relatively well-behaved! I just don't have any authority. One of my seven-year-old girls told me today that I looked like a teenager, which is true and probably part of the problem. I thought I had been improving, but with the regular teacher out of the room I can see that it was not me but the threat of her intervention that was keeping things under control. Not that it was complete chaos (which I experienced in my previous placement ), but I didn't get much done because every time I wanted to speak to them it took five or ten minutes to get everyone quiet, and then halfway through my instructions they were talking again. ARGGHHH!!! |
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Ohm Senior Member 
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I refused M&Ms in favour of an apple Now that is dedication! |
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Chocoholic Senior Member
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Tuesday, 25 September, 2007 Bread with marmalade 1 slice 100 Cheese sandwich 1 210 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Apple 1 small 60 Moroccan Stew 1 container 150 Banana 1 105 Bread 1 slice 50 Yogurt 6 oz 100 Chocolate-chip cookies ??? ??? Oreos ??? ??? Total calories: TOO MANY Weight: 115 A horrible day. I was unexpectedly observed at school by one of my professors, and she told me, in the most polite and roundabout way possible, that it was awful. She began with "Well I saw some good things...but there are some other things you might want to tweak if you don't want your solo teaching to be a miserable experience" in that teacher-voice that means "it was horrible." It was just one more on a long stack of straws, and the camel's back is perilously close to breaking. More and more I'm wondering if I should even bother trying to teach, but I don't know what else I would do. I know that in the end it will come down to the sink-or-swim test of my first year alone with my own classroom. I really want to teach because I love children and I genuinely want to make a difference in their lives, but more and more I think I may just be incapable of doing that. I'm kind of a perfectionist, and I'm not used to admitting that there are things I can't do even if I try, but I suppose leadership has never been my strong point and maybe I should accept that. Sorry to ramble, but all of that is very stressful and it's the reason I had a mini-binge tonight. I had taken chocolate-chip cookies and oreos to school as bribe food for the children's behaviour yesterday (with only mild success). I intentionally left the extras at school last night to keep myself from eating them, but today I brought them home (with the semi-conscious intention of binging on them). We had a required lecture right after school, so I didn't get to eat until nearly 6 (I usually have a snack around 4) and was starving. I ate a relatively good dinner, but then launched into the cookies. At first I was counting and calculating how many I could have and stay within my calorie limits, but then I gave up, lost count, and stuffed myself. Last edited on 26 Sep 2007 10:39 am by Chocoholic |
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gauloises New Member 
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Come on, they wouldn't be letting you teach if you were "incapable" of doing it well. So keeping order hasn't come naturally to you. Stick at it, try to adopt your professor's suggestions, and you'll crack it, I'm sure. As for the eating, don't beat yourself up, it happens and you had a terrible day, just write it off and start afresh ... Good luck to you. |
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