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rgrove0172
Senior Member
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Posted: 9 Nov 2011 03:14 pm |
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Im a typical 47 year old family guy and professional. I lost 60lbs and got into the best shape of my life over about 6 months, now almost 2 years ago. My family was happy, friends impressed, co-workers stunned and my doctor was thrilled.. oh and Im pretty cool with it too.
What I did not expect was the massive change in the way Im looked at, treated, respected and yes.. apparently desired.
Somehow a trim wasteline, nice pecks and the like make much more of an impression than any amount of education and ability at my job, sparkling personality or effort. The difference this transformation has made in my day to day life and relations with others is honestly shocking, Im still getting used to it.
One factor I having a real bit of trouble with is the attention of women. I am, or thought I was, a very happily married guy - no real temptations to speak of, very content with the woman I plan to spend the rest of my life with. The unexpected attention I now recieve however has begun to 'jack' with my thinking. Not that Im planning on screwing up any marriage vows but its downright distracting. Little smiles, overheard comments, low mumors from an office full of women when I leave, a sidelong glance from a woman at the gym, #%@&! even a honking and waving from a car-full of teenager girls while Im jogging.
Now Im no male model but Ill admit the wieght came off pretty well and the muscle I replaced it with doesnt look half bad for a guy my age. I saw this as a healthy life choice, not a mechanism to chase skirts.. but I cant help but be affected by the sudden opportunities. Its harder and harder not to respond, or even to consider responding.
To make matters worse my wife does not share my new-found lifestyle and although an attractive woman, is fairly out of shape and unmotivated. Its very hard to ignore some young, fit, energetic and willing female when you have a tired, cranky, overwieght and disinterested wife waiting at home.
Does this make me a complete jerk? Im pretty sure it does but honestly I wasnt prepared for this aspect of my life style change. The desire to take advantage of this newly found confidense and evidently appreciated appearance is really tough. Any helpful suggestions or backlash out there?
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Karkel
New Member
| Joined: | 9 Nov 2011 |
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| Posts: | 7 |
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Posted: 9 Nov 2011 07:48 pm |
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| First of all....Congrats to you ! Sounds like things have worked out for you great in the weight loss area.....try to be honest with your wife and tell her how much it would mean to you if she would share your views on weight loss and healthy life style....you love her or you wouldn't have married her....I have been told all my life" My husband is a LUCKY man"..".I'm a better looking woman than he is a man " etc....but you know...that may well be...but I married my husband...not because of the way he looked ..I married him cause I LOVE HIM.....Think about it.And good luck.
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rgrove0172
Senior Member
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Posted: 10 Nov 2011 09:21 am |
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Thanks for the response, and I guess I should clarify that its not the possibility of my giving in to temptation that worries or bothers me, its more the fact that Im tempted that has me feeling a little guilty. I never had to deal with these feelings before. I was the sweet chunky guy, never the hot one.
If these are he temptations "normal" people deal with then my hats off to them. As a fat guy I was shielded I guess.
My wife is the love of my life and I have no wish to hurt her, knowingly or otherwise. She has noticed the attention im not getting and although not complaining, its obviously a concern. Evidently not enough to make her own lifestyle changes yet though.
I guess its something Im just going to have to get used to.
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JSABD
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 11 Nov 2011 11:35 pm |
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It's all relative. Fit people are the exception these days.
Get your ego in check and look good for your wife only.
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Steampunk
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 1 Dec 2011 10:17 am |
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Have you tried telling her that you'd like to share your lifestyle with her to bring you closer together? It could be enjoyable to spend that kind of quality time together working out. Maybe tell her how much better you feel, both physically and about yourself? I don't know her so I don't know what type of woman she is and what she'd be likely to react to best.
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sad
New Member
| Joined: | 10 Dec 2011 |
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| Posts: | 3 |
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Posted: 10 Dec 2011 07:34 pm |
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| I think that you are doing a great job venting. I just discovered this sight because I was seeking some sort of support in order to deal with my feelings about a very overweight husband while I am trim and get a lot of attention. I, too, would feel terrible cheating on him(and logistically, it would be just so STUPID) and yet the disjunction between the state of our bodies is so very difficult. I'm on another thread asking about how to encourage him to see a doctor, so I won't rehearse my whole situation here. But I just wanted to say--bravo for you, for being thoughtful and honest, for being sensitive to the reaction of others, for being reflective upon the deeper issues (why do people treat one as they do after all?), for working to keep the marriage together, for being honest about your own feelings, for sharing them so that others can reflect, too, in their own situations.
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