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JSABD
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 Jul 2011 02:41 am |
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If you look through this site or any other diet site or ask dieters their reasons start with I then go to my and end with me. When you come across the rare person who loses the weight and keeps it off very often they are do it for someone else.
When you decide to do this and part of your motivation is another human being you will approach it with the needed humility to succeed.
Now everybody hate me. 
Paragraph removed by artist John which referred to violence towards women.
Last edited on 22 Jul 2011 06:25 pm by
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Tankgirl
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 1 Jul 2011 |
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| Posts: | 538 |
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Posted: 22 Jul 2011 03:50 am |
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I've told this story in other places before, so bear with me if you've heard this one.I've seen what not taking care of your health does to the people around you, and it's horrifying:
1.) My uncle went from obese, to diabetic, to losing a toe, to dialysis, to death within 5 years. during that time, my mother was stretched to her limits as she tried to do her job, take care of my 100 year old grandmother and take care of my uncle. How she kept sane during that time, I'll never know. He had a choice every step of of the way and cared more about doing things his way than living.
My father would work so hard to cook meals that would fit his diet, and my uncle would complain about it.When we cleaned his house out after he died we found all this food that his doctor told him he could not have because of his dialysis.How he even got it I don't know, since every week we were doing the shopping for him and reading all the labels. My mother deserved better than that.
2. My father in law had to have emergency 7 way heat bypass surgery. Since they didn't have health insurance, it cost $200,000 (total so far) and nearly cost them their home. I saw how terrified MIL was of the whole situation, and she's normally as strong as it gets. I would do anything to keep Hubby out of that situation. He's had mini strokes since then that have turned him sadder, quieter, and have affected his memory.
That's what started this and It's definitely motivating, but there are just too many benefits to losing weight to say it's all for anyone else. It would just be lying.
It's pretty inconvenient to be obese, and you don't even know it until you start to lose weight:
I don't twist my ankle any more,used to happen all the time.
My riding's improved so much, it feels like I've got a jet pack on!
Things are possible now that I wouldn't have thought of before.
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JSABD
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 Jul 2011 05:16 pm |
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TankGirl,
Thank you for that account of things. A story like that bears repeating and I would have to believe that it played a role in your success.
I have done interventions on fat people at the request of their loved ones and it is very much like what you see on the show intervention. The addict or drunk goes on the attack and the loved ones get beat up pretty badly in the process when all they are doing is trying to help. The same things happens with fatlings. In the case of the druggie or the drunkard it is the effect of the booze or drugs talking. With the fatling it's not the food talking. It is selfishness, ego and pride. Some get angry and some lie and deny.
What we choose to eat is a conscious act. When we order at a restaurant or buy groceries and there is no getting around that. Maybe that candy bar or that double milk shake or that super sized value meal loses some of its appeal when the fatling considers someone besides his or herself.
Eating mindfully is a responsibility. Fessing up and admitting how much one is truly eating is clue. Your uncle was a liar then it came to that. People who by into the metabolic excuse only enable people like him. Salving fatling by buying into their lies, omission of the truth and denial is far more cruel than confronting them and calling BS. People are alive today because I did not back down to their bullying when I didn't believe their lies. I learned their game better than they did.
Here is where it get really deep and simple at the same time. I don't want people to feel good or bad about themselves. What I want is for them to honestly consider their behaviors and then ask themselves are those behaviors in the best interest of themselves and others.
OK everyone attack me now.
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Tankgirl
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 1 Jul 2011 |
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| Posts: | 538 |
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Posted: 22 Jul 2011 05:33 pm |
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| JS That's all well and good if someone has other people in their life that they love, but I think you underestimate how isolated people are getting. Sad but true some people don't have anyone in their lives.
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JSABD
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 Jul 2011 06:06 pm |
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Tankgirl wrote: JS That's all well and good if someone has other people in their life that they love, but I think you underestimate how isolated people are getting. Sad but true some people don't have anyone in their lives.
You make a good point and it shows how uncaring and un-neighborly the world has become. Most people do have family. Everyone has/had a mother and father. Most have siblings and many have a S.O.
Many fat people have enablers who will lie and deny along with them. My policy is truth before harmony.
Sometimes not having someone is an act of selfishness. My elderly father still does volunteer work and is engaged with others as well as his family.
It is my position that the vulgar indulgence in food we are seeing a symptom of a culture in steep decline. My kids deserve better.
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Tankgirl
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 1 Jul 2011 |
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| Posts: | 538 |
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Posted: 22 Jul 2011 06:25 pm |
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That's so true.
I've seen numerous stories of people that are super-morbidly obese and isolate themselves from their families. They always say it's out of shame but I wonder how much of it is out of their own unwillingness to face up to their issues with food? It was true with my uncle.
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JSABD
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 22 Jul 2011 10:20 pm |
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Tankgirl wrote: That's so true.
I've seen numerous stories of people that are super-morbidly obese and isolate themselves from their families. They always say it's out of shame but I wonder how much of it is out of their own unwillingness to face up to their issues with food? It was true with my uncle.
Fat people, especially the ones in the fat acceptance movement claim to be ostracized by a cruel fat phobic society and some go so far as to compare their self-induced plight with that of Blacks and Holocaust victims. That make me see red. Blacks and Jews did not create their plight and they have heard more pejoratives of far greater cruelty than fat people will ever hear. People complain about the playing of the race card and the race card does get played too frequently BUT if I were Black I would probably play the race card too. The fat card is the new card in the deck but if one looks closely that card is really the joker.
It comes down to can't vs won't and when you confront a self-indulgent group whose adversity is by their own hand hey are not going to like hearing that they caused it and only they can cure it. When we salve them and tell them that it is not their fault and give them one scape goat after another we are in the long run doing them a great disservice. Out of intimidation and political correctness we often choose our words too carefully instead of shooting from the hip. Homo perfecto candido quib ad lib.
We confront the drunks and druggies who are harming themselves and others. Now it is time we confront the G's.
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Tankgirl
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 1 Jul 2011 |
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| Posts: | 538 |
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Posted: 23 Jul 2011 01:40 pm |
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| JS You've said it yourself- The real Fat Acceptance people are a tiny percentage of the population. If people really accepted their fat, bariatric surgery wouldn't be the business that it is.
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JSABD
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 24 Jul 2011 06:47 pm |
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Tankgirl wrote: JS You've said it yourself- The real Fat Acceptance people are a tiny percentage of the population. If people really accepted their fat, bariatric surgery wouldn't be the business that it is.
But.. they find being fat more acceptable than doing what it takes to not be fat and that is eat mindfully. Instead they make very creative excuses for why they are fat and why they "can't" lose weight so in a sense all fat people are fat acceptors. While they may not be as delusional and vicious as the NAAFA lunatics they are in fact on some levels accepting their condition by not changing it when it is fully within their power to do so.
Speaking of WLS surgery: The latest data shows that 2.5% of RNY victims/patients die within the first 30 days. A lot of fatlings who choose WLS are lied to by the butchers/surgeons who do it while others ignore the dangers. They are desperate not to be fat but they are not motivated enough to reform their habits.
I have been accused of being a fat person hater and that I funny because I speak out against the diet industry and the WLS industry that takes advantage of the fatlings.
It's really tough to be completely honest in these politically correct times. Everybody is looking to be offended so that they can go all Nancy Grace and express their phony moral outrage over things that mean almost nothing. The honest truth is this. Most fat people DON'T reform. My position is it is because they won't do what is required. Part of why they won't is motivation. Some respond to ridicule and if I had a choice of not dying before my time or having preventable illnesses I would deal with some ridicule.
Some people take moral inventories and others don't. As a parent I have to ask myself am I being the best I can for my kids. I would suffer the agonies of the #%@&!ed for them so it is astounding and disheartening to me when I see fat parents feeding their fat kids junk food. At the risk of once again being accused of advocating violence; when I see a parent abusing a child in that manner I want to smack them in the face.
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Tankgirl
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 1 Jul 2011 |
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| Posts: | 538 |
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Posted: 24 Jul 2011 09:09 pm |
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JS,
It's not just one reform. It's a progression of one reform after the next. The same level of calories that helped someone lose at 180 is most likely not going to work at 150. To lose major weight can sometimes require changing not just one habit but nearly all of them. I'm not complaining about it, just saying you massively oversimplify things.
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JSABD
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 25 Jul 2011 06:25 am |
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Tankgirl wrote: JS,
It's not just one reform. It's a progression of one reform after the next. The same level of calories that helped someone lose at 180 is most likely not going to work at 150. To lose major weight can sometimes require changing not just one habit but nearly all of them. I'm not complaining about it, just saying you massively oversimplify things.
I agree but it can be done in one fell swoop. Loose the fattitude. I realize that it is not a simple problem but the solution can be simple.
The laws of physics are immutable. 2000 calories is only enough fuel to maintain 135 pounds in a slightly active woman. That is reality on planet Earth.
2500 for 155 for men.
Eat ate the BMR or slightly higher for weight loss.
Those are the physical mechanics of it and they cannot fail. It is that simple. The hard part is getting people to do it.
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Tankgirl
Distinguished Member
| Joined: | 1 Jul 2011 |
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| Posts: | 538 |
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Posted: 25 Jul 2011 06:49 am |
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Sorry JS - when you say "LOOSE the fattitude" I can't get the image of a girdle bieng undone out of my head!
We're arguing over 300 calories. Not worth it, especially since if I stalled you'd be asking why I failed to lose weight. You seem to think "either they're eating over 2000 cals or their lying"
If Nir still has fattitude, what hope is there for the rest of us?
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