| Why am I like this? And how can I fix it? |
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FutureVetGirl
New Member
| Joined: | 5 Feb 2010 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 1 |
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Posted: 5 Feb 2010 10:22 pm |
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OK... so... hard to explain.
I'm 5'11". I've measured my bone size multiple times using multiple calculators and methods, and my bone size is medium-thin... which means that my ideal weight is probably 150 at the most. More like 140. Well... I am currenly 205 lbs.
I've been on diet after diet for as long as I can remember. It started at age 10 (I was around 130 lbs at that age). My Dad had to lose a TON of weight due to him becoming sick with meniere's and having horrible vertigo. The whole family got put on the diet. However, for the whole time, it started out as once a week, then progressed to every day, I would go out to the local bakery (we lived overseas in Europe) and would buy a chocolate filled pastry. Quite a large thing.
Anyways, despite my constant "cheating", I got down to 99 lbs at one point. Then we moved to the USA. I was a good weight, I felt great, etc. Well, I gained weight. By the time we went back to Europe I was around 120. I slowly gained after that. At age 15 I was up to 215 lbs. I hated myself, and I was constantly trying ALL SORTS of diets. But after two days of staying faithful, I'd end up cheating and then binge eating a bunch of candy, chocolates, etc.
I got down to 180. I was trying to make it down to 150. Well... that didn't work. I slowly went back up to 190, then back up to 200. And for the next year I went up and down with that weight. I'd be 190, then I'd binge eat a bunch of candy and sweets and after a few days I'd be back up at 200.
And despite me beginning MULTIPLE exercize and diet plans since moving back to the USA this summer, I've gotten no lower than 200 lbs, and the longest anything has lasted was 3 weeks of the Couch to 5k program, and am at 205 now.
I hate this. I hate myself. I feel like a loser for not being able to lose this weight. There is so much I want to do. I want to go to prom and look beautiful. I want to be able to compete in equestrian sports (and a lot of the barns, around here at least, have a weight max of 180 lbs in order to even take lessons). I want to look in the mirror and not feel as though I'm carrying around a child's weight worth of fat. And yes, it's fat... it's not muscle, etc.
I have no illnesses keeping me from losing weight. It's a mental issue. One thing that has kept me from exercising since coming back to the USA however is the fact that I am allergic to some pollutant in the air here. So... when I get too warm (which could even be just a quick walk from one class to another) I get itchy, feel extremely warm, my skin on my arms and neck turn red, and if I don't cool off fast enough, I break out in hives.
But apart from that... it's just me. I've tried placing the blame on my parents for having me start my dieting at a young age, and then not helping me keep off the weight. I've tried placing the blame on the weather, on the quality of food here in the US (which stinks most of the time BTW... ;) ), and many other factors. But the real issue here is me. I binge eat on sweets, I can't just have one piece of chocolate, I have to have the whole bar. I can't just have a few M&Ms, I have to have the whole bag. I can't just have one tootsie roll, I have to have the whole thing of 30 of them.
The thing is... I don't even know where to start in curbing this! I'm not wanting to get down to like... 120 or less... I'm just wanting to get back into a healthy weight (140 or 150... #%@&!... I'll be willing to take 160 or 170 at this point!). I'm wanting to be able to look in the mirror and like waht I see more than once every couple of weeks. I like my curves... but... I have far more of them than I should... :(
Help!!!
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Eriktrolls
New Member
| Joined: | 23 Aug 2012 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 3 |
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Posted: 23 Aug 2012 02:35 pm |
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Would you want a work out buddy? I need a buddy, and I can help you. I'm 15 and a guy. What state are you in? We could work out together, and lose weight. I'm currently losing weight alone but it's boring having nobody to talk to. If it sounds ok to you send an email to:
eriklopez000@gmail.com
(P.S. I'm about 250 lbs. I'm losing the weight and building muscle after.)
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