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rutty1982
New Member
| Joined: | 30 Dec 2005 |
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| Posts: | 12 |
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Posted: 30 Dec 2005 09:40 pm |
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Hello all, im a very new person here and wanted to pop in & say hello!!
Im 22 years old and have a toddler who is 16 months old, i have since i was 16 had a funny way with food and il admit it now that what i use to do was wrong
For school my mum use to make me sandwiches and give me a packed lunch & i use to throw it all away and not eat for the day, i use to dread going home knowing that i would then have to eat a cooked dinner, i always use to throw about 90% of it away though, i started asking for school dinners so that i wouldnt have to eat a cooked dinner at night like a sandwich (which i never did). I then started to do things for breakfast like tip the toaster up so that i had bread crumbs on my plate looking like i had eaten toast & then getting a knife & dipping it in things like buter etc. I also use to get a bit of cereal & milk making it look like i had eaten. I was often surving on deit coke, id got through 4 bottles a day, chewing gum, apples and chocolate milkshake from mcdonalds
My mum did start to comment that i didnt seem like i was eating and started to worry 
When i was 17 i got into drugs  nothing bad but bad enough like pills and base, i loved it as i never felt hungry although i often couldnt sleep but i seeon found the weight comming off, i did them for about 7 months.
Im 5ft 6 & got down to 8stone 3lbs which to me isnt that light and i wouldnt consider it UNDERWEIGHT at all :?b4 i had my son 16 months ago i weighed 8 stone 10lbs and was quite happy with this weight although i was trying to lose some as well, i put on over 3.5 stone in my pregnancy, i pigged out big time and i do regret it now! I didnt panic to much as they say it takes 9 months for your body to go like that expect 9 months for it to come off
Well 16 months (hes almost 17 months now) i am still weighing alot, i did manage to get down to 9 stone 2lbs at one point a few months ago but am now 9 stone 11lbs, prob more what with xmas & it really depresses me, i feel so fat, i hate it that i cant get into any of my pre-pregnancy clothes, i got down to 9stone 2lbs by eating salads and running alot, but it killed me and i got bored with eating the same things all the time.
I did think about not eating again like i use to, but it laster 2 days, i know as well that that doesnt really help you lose weight as your motabilism slows down as your body goes into starvation mode, i just dont get how i use to do it and didnt eat for ages. I keep saying that im going to cut out the junk food but i just cant and i really binge eat when i eat junk, like crisps and chocolate i dont just have 1 i have about 7 bags one after the other and about 6 chocolate barss, i feel sick but i cant help it.
I use to as well years ago try to make myself sick but never could do it, i also considered taking laxatives and have again in hope to lose some weight. I tried diet pills about 4 months ago they didnt work
I am so DESPERATE to get back to my pre pregnancy weight of 8 stone 10lbs even abit lighter, but i just cant do it, guess i cant want it that bad but i do, i have said that from the 2nd Jan im going to the gym 3 x a week, and swimming and healthy eating, i do want to lose this weight so bad, i do feel misearable and get jelous when i see slim people, especially women who have had kids and are so slim how do they do that :? i have a freind that had a baby & by the time he was 9 months she was slimmer that what she was b4 she had him, she is now so tiny about 7.5 stone, she eats though, so i dont think she has a problem with food and her son is now 2 years 8months, but she is tiny. She is skinny like victoria beckham, too skinny to be honest
I just dont get how celebrities 3 months after having a child are back to there pre pregnancy weight and look great!
I often think i cant want it that badly as if i did i would do something about it but i cant, i cant stop eating and i feel so guilty and get upset when im eating bag after bag of crisps.
I dont no what the point to this post is, i just felt like i had to write down how i was feeling :(
PS when i say about my weight to people, they think i was way to skinny b4 i had my son, i dont think i was though and to get back to that weight, would make me happy
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Peter
Founder of this forum
| Joined: | 24 May 2005 |
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| Posts: | 4180 |
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Posted: 31 Dec 2005 04:07 am |
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Hello Rutty,
I read all your posts and thanks for all your sharing. Just sharing helps a lot, and if you can't get to a support group -- or even if you can -- a forum can be helpful, too.
About your not being able to make yourself sick... I laugh that I am a Failed Bulimic.
I can't count the number of times I tried sticking my finger down my throat with no effect. Which in hindsight is very good, as I could have become a Dead Bulimic. I'm VERY compulsive!
Welcome to the forum and I look forward to reading more of your good posts.
Peter
thelegacywebsite.com
eatwellandexercise.com
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kathleenyork
Senior Member
| Joined: | 31 Oct 2005 |
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| Posts: | 32 |
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Posted: 6 Jan 2006 04:23 am |
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hey rutty. i just wanted to say real quick that even though you get bored easily, it doesnt have to be like that. there are tonnes of light and diet foods out there that stop me from binging on chocolate and junk food...like light jello, light hot chocolate, 0 cal margerine spray, diet sodas and teas...although they say ot to have too much, a little wont kill you (or else they wouldnt be on the market).
vary your exerise a little too...its so easy to get bored with cardio...if you go to the gym already, see if they have any classes...they are so much more inspiring than working out by yourself, and youll b around women who likely weigh much more than you ( i call that reverse thinspiration...or i look at old pics of myself lol)
as for the history of disordered eating...i'm so sorry to hear you went through that...sometimes we are so desperate to become something we'll do anything. i know this first hand. but you are strong and can do this the right way...it will be tough, but youll get support here and other places and youll know youre doing it for your child!
and Peter, don't you think it was insensitive to "laugh" at calling yourself a "failed bulimic?" a thin person doesnt call themself a "failed morbidly obese person"...
good luck rutty, stay strong and be safe!
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Peter
Founder of this forum
| Joined: | 24 May 2005 |
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| Posts: | 4180 |
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Posted: 6 Jan 2006 04:44 am |
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kathyleenyork, I don't understand what point you are making. But about your analogy... I tried to be bulimic and failed. I don't think anyone would try to be morbidly obese.
But if they did, and failed, it might seem funny to them.
I laugh at myself all the time. It's laughing about other people that I'm careful about.
Peter
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kathleenyork
Senior Member
| Joined: | 31 Oct 2005 |
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| Posts: | 32 |
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Posted: 6 Jan 2006 04:50 am |
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| oops misunderstood what you meant- i saw a t-shirt that said "im bulimic- i just forgot to purge" and thought that was what you were sort of getting at.
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