| Something is wrong with me |
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Past Member
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Posted: 25 May 2007 04:37 am |
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This is going to mess up my chances for getting help on the other board but I have to get this off my chest.
I've finally admited to myself that I have some sort of eating disorder. I'm 24 5'4", 131lbs with three kids. I have three different ways that I'm always battling my weight. I'll starve myself for days and then binge, I always want to purge but never get the courage to do it. Or I'll crash diet (like 1200 cals or less) for about 4-6 weeks, lose a lot, only to go back to compulsive, emotional eating. After losing so much, I always crave really junky food too. The weight slowly creeps back on. Or I'l get into the mode of exercising excessivly to compensate for any calories I take in.
I'm constantly depressed about my weight/appearence, though everyone in my life, includling my husband and doctor, tells me I'm prefectly fine where I am. I see myself as horribly fat and disgusting. My weight never leaves my mind for more than a few minutes. It's reached a point that it scares me. I've always secretly wanted to be anorexic. I've tried too. I seem to lack the willpower though. With three kids, energy runs REALLY low after a few days with no food.
I'm desperate to be 110 and a size 2 again like I was before I had kids. I've never reached my goal yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion I wouldn't stop there if I ever got there.
Please help me.
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mamabear
New Member
| Joined: | 9 Sep 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 110 |
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Posted: 25 May 2007 04:57 am |
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Your problem is not you. It's not something you can diagnose, and it's not something you should feel guilty about. I know, I was there.
The most important thing you can do, for yourself and for your family, is talk to your doctor. And if s/he doesn't listen, find one that does. This is *paramount*.
I've been there, I assure you. In some ways, some of us are still there. This is not *your* fault. If you don't feel like talking to a doctor, and you want to talk to someone who *has* gone through what you're going through, pm me. However, I believe a sympathetic doctor could help.
Mamabear
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pink***
Senior Member
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Posted: 25 May 2007 06:01 pm |
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I agree you do have a problem with eating like a lot of people on this board. There's just one thing that personally upsets me a bit and I think it is your choice of wording. "I've always wanted to be secretly anorexic, I've tried too." I totally understand what you are trying to say, but as i am currently suffering from anorexia I just wanted to explain that a lot of people don't seem to understand it because they view it as a choice to 'just stop eating' like a 'diet'. I feel it's not something you can choose to have, and believe me, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but as the diagnosis 'anorexia nervosa' literally means nervous loss of appetite, I just wanted to explain that even though sometimes I want to eat, I get so anxious about food that it makes me feel physically sick and I lose my appetite. I just wanted to clarify my thoughts on this. Sorry for interrupting your post and I know you didn't mean anything by it.
I have been advised by my dietician to eat regularly (3meals and 3 snacks). Maybe you could try this, not deny yourself and plan in treats so that you don't binge cos you feel deprived. I hope you feel happier in yourself though. Take care and good luck x
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Peter
Founder of this forum
| Joined: | 24 May 2005 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 4180 |
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Posted: 27 May 2007 05:01 am |
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Your doctor says your weight's fine, but has he/she heard your story as you shared it with us?
Some of your eating habits are similar to the habits I had if you care to take a look at My Story.
Keep sharing... it's a great first step!
Peter
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Heavenseventeen
Distinguished Member
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Posted: 27 May 2007 11:23 am |
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"This is going to mess up my chances for getting help on the other board but I have to get this off my chest."
No way! Ask for help whenever you can. If you keep things inside, that's not healthy.
"I've finally admited to myself that I have some sort of eating disorder. I'm 24 5'4", 131lbs with three kids. I have three different ways that I'm always battling my weight. I'll starve myself for days and then binge, I always want to purge but never get the courage to do it. Or I'll crash diet (like 1200 cals or less) for about 4-6 weeks, lose a lot, only to go back to compulsive, emotional eating. After losing so much, I always crave really junky food too. The weight slowly creeps back on. Or I'l get into the mode of exercising excessivly to compensate for any calories I take in."
Well done on admitting that you have a problem- that's probably the hardest step towards getting help, and you're already there.
"I'm constantly depressed about my weight/appearence, though everyone in my life, includling my husband and doctor, tells me I'm prefectly fine where I am. I see myself as horribly fat and disgusting. My weight never leaves my mind for more than a few minutes. It's reached a point that it scares me. I've always secretly wanted to be anorexic. I've tried too. I seem to lack the willpower though. With three kids, energy runs REALLY low after a few days with no food."
You don't have the willpower to be anorexic because it's not healthy. But you WILL have the willpower to get fit the healthy way! You're not alone. There's people like you and there's people like me who saw someone big but not as obese as I really was. You need to try hard to eat little meals throughout the day. You don't want something bad to happen when it's just you and there's no adult to help.
"I'm desperate to be 110 and a size 2 again like I was before I had kids. I've never reached my goal yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion I wouldn't stop there if I ever got there."
What most people don't understand is that you can be a smaller size and still be flabby. What's important is to have a healthy body fat and maybe a healthy BMI. You can be a size 10 and look darn good!! Some people on the internet have said that they stayed the weight they were before they started, but got into smaller sizes. You could stay at the weight you are now and look ten times better than you used to. There's no need to aim for a size 2. Just aim to have a healthy body AND mind.
You should seek some professional help, and tell your husband too. You'll be able to find out where this problem started so you can fight those demons and you WILL win!
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