| Author | Post |
|---|
i miss myself
New Member
| Joined: | 19 Feb 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 2 |
|
Posted: 19 Feb 2007 05:04 am |
|
| I used to care a lot about my weight, but now i'm having trouble getting motivated. I'm on quite a few psychiatric medicines and have tried to commit suicide because i felt too fat to live. I went to the eating disorder clinic for a few months and was later told i could not be helped because i had too many emotional issues. The clinic helped me with the restricting aspect of my eating disorder, but i still eat emotionally. I've gained 50lbs in the last 5 months because i no longer purge, but continue to binge. I was accepted back into the eating disorder clinic and really hope to make the most of it now. I am a lot stabler and should be thinking more rational. Also I am on proper medication now, so i should be able to get more out of my experience at the clinic. I would like to know some of your coping skills for stress, depression, and boredom. Since i've stopped restricting, i've also started cutting and its just not working for me. I would like to make the most out of my time, but its hard for me because i honestly get jealous when i see how thin and pretty the other girls are in group. I know that they struggle with their own ED to, but i still have these emotions. Any advice?
|
fruitloop
Distinguished Member
|
Posted: 19 Feb 2007 11:15 pm |
|
I can only speak from my own experience, and that's always tricky, because it may not apply to you at all. But I will write it, in case it helps.
Those things - depression, boredom, self-harm - were a lot related to anger for me. That went back a long way, to things that had happened when I was a child. I wasn't able, or allowed, to express how I felt then, and the feelings just stayed around. They ended up expressing themselves in destructive ways. It wasn't always about anger, also sadness, shame, loss, shyness ec.
The way I dealt/deal with it, is by writing and meditation. I can imagine, say, an Angry Me, or a Child Me, or a Me That Wants Donuts. Then I get a pen and write down what they have to say, about how they feel, or what they want etc. Sometimes it helped to write with my left hand, cos the clumsiness of it is more like how a child writes. They usually get to say a sentence or two, and then someone else will jump in, like a Critic Me. She almost always says stuff like "you shouldn't feel that way; that's so unreasonable; it's your own fault because you are so useless" and other fun things. I write her stuff down too. The I go back to the Angry Me (or whoever) and let them say some more. The key to it, I find, is to allow anyone to say whatever they want to say. Nothing is too terrible to write it down - it's only ink on paper. And the thoughts are already there in my head; this is about acknowledging them.
It's hard because if you are used to turning anger in on yourself, then it's scary to start letting it out. And then you have this big, loud critic who jumps all over everything you say. That's where meditation helps, because it helps you keep perspective, and ride out the dramas. I was lucky in that both my meditation teachers were very experienced with depression.
I'm surprised an eating disorder clinic doesn't help you with this kind of stuff. It would seem to me to be the whole point. Anyway, I hope things work out for you.
|
fruitloop
Distinguished Member
|
Posted: 19 Feb 2007 11:31 pm |
|
Also, please don't kill yourself. That's not the answer. I bet there are a few people who would very upset if you did, probably more than you know, even.
|
ALBERT
New Member
| Joined: | 16 Feb 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 8 |
|
Posted: 20 Feb 2007 06:17 pm |
|
WOW ... I can't help but think you are lonely within yourself, perhaps thru no fault of your own, maybe as a perception.
I don't intend to come across as knowing what you are going thru, I can't even imagine how you feel yet my heart goes to you.
The only thing I can say may not come as an answer to you yet ...
The reasons for self loathing and depression and grief and all the other things with a grand name on it start with us and within us; perhaps we may never find out the why the where and the when but ... we still have the power and the right as well as the ability to make choices.
Some are right and some are wrong but we make them thru our life; there are a lot of things we suffer from (Don't think there is anyone exempted from suffering) we choose how we deal with them, sometimes we blame others, sometimes we believe in fate and luck some other times we ignore.
The point is we choose to say and believe is "something beyond our control", something pushed upon us by the "gods".
Maybe is not a question of strength or power or control, maybe is a question of belief, yes, belief in ourselves.
Maybe if we just take a very small step toward a goal a reasonable, small attainable goal.
Like just get out of bed and smile at our reflexion in the mirror.
Maybe take a walk and see how long before we start feeling the doom of the day and see if day by day it takes longer to feel it.
Pick small battles, small targets that will let you grow, pick your time and your place ... but pick one.
The gradual loss of weight or gain for that matter may be the same, gradual.
So why not go a step at the time? don't put your expectations to high or your goals unreasonably lofty ... you'll set yourself to failure and feel worst yet.
So ... take little steps, what do you have to lose?
Allow yourself to feel your love for yourself, don't castigate, be gentle with you as you are to others, look in the mirror and offer your love to that reflexion ... she will take it and give back only the good ... yeah corny but simple and the best part is there are no mental gymnastic to go thru, no complicated analysis, just you and yourself, no judging, no negative feelings just you and yourself.
I like the note someone else sent to you ... she meditates, she allows time for herself, to take care and nurture herself ... you can do it to ... you are alright, you are able to feel and receive love, you deserve it, you have the right to it and you can have it ... if you choose to ... allow yourself.
Little steps and you'll be able to feel it, a little bit at the time
All my hugs to you!
|
ALBERT
New Member
| Joined: | 16 Feb 2007 |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | 8 |
|
Posted: 20 Feb 2007 06:24 pm |
|
| fruitloop ... you are a gifted person ... thank you ... pain is shared ... kindness is given ...
|
Current time is 03:37 am | |
|
|
|
