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sick&tired
New Member
| Joined: | 22 Sep 2006 |
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| Posts: | 13 |
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Posted: 23 Sep 2006 01:16 pm |
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Hey, i'm new to this kinda thing so i dunno if this is pro- eating disorders or anti... i've been reading a few posts and lot of it seems to talk about wanting to loose weight; and i want, and need to gain it.
My doctors advised me to talk to people experiencing simular things, thus why i am here. I'm a 17 year old girl. im around 5'8 and a half and when i first diagnosed with anorexia i was 99 pounds (45 kg) and i have now since march put on weight to be, i think,107 pounds (48.5kg). This makes my BMI about 16 i think.
My fight for recovery has been a tough one. I've always been a skinny girl of less than 120pounds, but i found my self unsatisfied with who i was. I've been suffering from eating problems to some extent for about 2 years. I found it easy to loose weight and in march dropped about 17 pounds in a week. I fell into a trap where i denied being anorexic, even though everyone could see it. I was sent to an eating disorder clinic where they classified me as an extreme case. I had not passed into the unfixable so they took me on straight away, passing the waiting list. I have been trying to get better for the past 5 months. It has been an extremely slow process, as i have a naturally fast metabolism. I cannot exercise and when i do, i shed weight like mad. It's frustrating because i want to be better, but its so hard. Some days i wish i didnt have to try so hard, i just want to give up and go back to my old ways, but i cant do that to the people i love. I'm tired of being taunted at school for being a skeleton figure. I'm sick of always being moody and taking it out on my boyfriend, who is so supportive and who i'm afraid of loosing. My parents are always upset because they don't want to loose me. Lately i've been falling into a relapse and i've lost a few pounds, i'm scared that i won't be able to beat this... i just want to be happy with who i am.... I am eating a lot more now, and i'm worried also about my health coz i eat a lot of junk food because i need lots of calories. I pretty much do this on my own which makes it harder. My parents work all the time and i feel alone. Noone understands me, they dont understand how i feel and why i cant just put on weight so easy. I want to get better, i want to be able to eat naturally without thinking about the consequences. I just need support and people to talk to who understand what i'm going through.
Can someone talk and help me get through this?
-Jess
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Nir
Senior Administrator
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Posted: 23 Sep 2006 06:08 pm |
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hi Jess,
on the whole this could be a good place for you. we don't drive any 'pro-EDs' away but we certainly all want to get better and help each other on this quest.
I'm glad you've already gotten some help and your problems are sometimes practical (how to put on weight) rather than just emotional (convincing yourself that it is the right thing to do).
You mention eating junk foods - what do you eat?
Here are my suggestions: keep a food diary and have a target amount of calories per day to aim for, and make sure you eat your target every day. Use healthy calorie-dense foods to help you reach your target [seeds, nuts and natural nut butters, whole-grains, beans, starchy vegetables and fruit]. But we all eat junk foods on ocassion - it just isn't a great idea to make it a habbit.
Your maintenance calories are probably around 1825 and you should probably intake 2100 a day to gradually gain. Are these the kinds of numbers you're currently aiming for?
Is your problem more that you're always feeling stuffed and full and unable to eat the foods you know you should be eating, or more that it is difficult to get into the frame of mind of eating, and you keep reverting to wanting to lose?
I wish you luck on your journey. I hope someone who's had a slightly more relevant personal experiences will chime along too.
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sick&tired
New Member
| Joined: | 22 Sep 2006 |
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| Posts: | 13 |
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Posted: 24 Sep 2006 02:46 am |
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Hey,
Thanks for responding, i'm glad that maybey i can get some support here. My main problem is putting on weight because i have an ultra fast metabolism. Any healthy foods just do nothing for me. My dietitian makes me eat cakes, chocolate, chips etc so that i can put more calories on quicker. I'm just afraid that i'm going to be unhealthy on the inside because of all of the fat and sugar i eat. Regardless of all the junk i eat, it doesn't make much of a difference as i've been eating it for the past five months and what i've put on about 8pounds or something. I'm just annoyed because it's hard enough as it is to eat all of this stuff, and the fact that it doesn't work makes it all the more worse. I've come to the point where i'm tired of trying so hard- its just easier to be how i used to be- I never 'starved' myself per'se but i did cut down on calories and i just didnt eat so much junk and i was allowed to exercise. It's just so hard because i'm in my final year of school and i'm drawing up to my huge exams- it's exhaustting!
Theres too much to think about at the momment, i'm overloaded- i wish this would go away, so i could be normal like the rest of my friends
- jess
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Nir
Senior Administrator
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Posted: 24 Sep 2006 09:08 pm |
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I will admit that I am a little jealous. I am going through a period of binging at the moment. Hopefully a short one, that I can recover from without much effort. During this period (numbering 5 days so far) I have been finding it very easy to eat thousands of calories. The key has been to sabotage my eating by forgetting to eat my protein and fibre-rich vegetables, which then allows me to eat thousands of calories without actually getting to the stage of feeling full. Yesterday I ate over 400g of chocolates within the space of an hour. However, even if I had eaten my calories in a healthier way (e.g. cashew nuts) it would still have been easy to do.
If I was in your situation and I wanted to gain weight (in the form of fat) and fast, I would aim to eat something like 3500 calories extra on top of my normal calorie needs (so if your needs are 1800 a day, aim to eat 5300 calories).
You've said that eating chocolate/cakes makes you feel unhealthy, but how do you feel about eating nuts? natural nut-butters? cereals? etc.
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sick&tired
New Member
| Joined: | 22 Sep 2006 |
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| Posts: | 13 |
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Posted: 11 Oct 2006 03:58 am |
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I've been doing really well lately... i've made it to 110 pounds and i feel so much better... i've been focusing on eating lots more iron and protein filled foods as well as lots of carbs... I felt for a while like giving up- but this new weight gain has made this whole process worth it....and i cant wait to put another 10pounds on.. this website has helped me, sorry to say, what i don't want to be like.... so may people want to loose weight and are depressed and everything- its opened my eyes to see that i can do this, i dont want to be unhappy anymore... i've been inspired ... thanks
-jess
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NevD
New Member
| Joined: | 26 Oct 2005 |
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| Posts: | 1536 |
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Posted: 11 Oct 2006 11:31 am |
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How about protein drinks? Mix powder with water or milk... There are lots of flavours from which to choose, and you shouldn't end up feeling too full. Coupled with some exercise, that might see you putting on a little muscle, instead of just 'weight'.
Good luck.
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heavyharts
New Member
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Posted: 12 Oct 2006 05:03 pm |
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Jess,
Something that we all have in common is that none of us are really satisified with the way we look. You and i both look at out bodies in the mirror and see something completley different from what is really going on. My roomate has the same problem with exercising: she is naturally very thin and if she exercises at all she drops weight like mad. Unlike us, she is the exact opposite. she is VERY self-conscience about her weight becuase she is so thin and was teased her whole life growing up. isn't it ironic that she would kill to have my body and i would kill to have hers? i'm a bit shorter than you and weight quite a bit more. i've ebbed and flowed in and out of anorexia my whole life (i'm a ballerina) but it is possible to work through it. i hope that you are surrounding yourself with people who are thinking straight and who have a positive attitude. i live with another girl who has a very strong eating disorder and it is very hard for me to stay healthy when i am watching someone else do it so eaisly.
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sick&tired
New Member
| Joined: | 22 Sep 2006 |
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| Posts: | 13 |
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Posted: 14 Oct 2006 11:56 pm |
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Thankyou for your reply...
i do have a lot of support, mostly from my boyfriend. Luckily all of my friends are much 'bigger' (even though they aren't at big) than me, so i have them all wanting me to put on weight as well. I still get teased a bit at school because of my thinness and i cant really do any exercise without loosing weight... my doctors have forbidden me from doing it! It's getting a lot easier for me, but there are still days where i worry about my body, mostly my stomach (even though its clearly concave)... I feel sorry for you, that your a ballerina and have the pressure of that plus the eact that your room-mate is anorexic... Is she seeking help??? i hope that you can get through it too.... i only have to get to 120pounds to get everyone off my back.... before i was anorexic i weighed 115, but i was a bit younger than.... i've always been under weight so i don't have to reach my normal BMI to be healthy.... Sometimes i wish i had a curvy body, but genetically that can't happen... i was never satisfied with my lack of curves so i always figures- well i may as well be noticably skinny... sounds dumb huh?
well thanks again... goodluck
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