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Jim Beam
New Member
| Joined: | 2 Aug 2006 |
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| Posts: | 3 |
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Posted: 2 Aug 2006 01:35 pm |
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I was eating my third Big Mac today and I was getting that greasy stuff all over my hands. I didnt even really think about it, but instead of using a napkin I felt compelled to lick it all off of myself. Right then I had a revelation. I looked down at myself and realized what a fat slob I have become. In high school I was a star quarterback and now my wife wont even touch me intimately anymore. I cant see my feet or my genitals. I started to alternate between laughing histarically and crying right there in front of a bunch of people in McDonalds.
They have those narrow seats there and when I tried to get up and leave really fast because I was emberassed, I got stuck for a minute. That made the teenagers next to me start laughing at me. I was really crying then and I heard a little girl ask her mommy what was wrong with that fat man. I lost it and threw the rest of my milkshake at them. I went home and now I dont want to leave the house. I've eaten every Little Debbie snack in the whole house and I've been crying for hours. Nobody loves me and everyone thinks im a freak. I tried to talk to my wife and she left to stay at ther mothers for a while with the kids.
I really need some friends.
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IndecentOpinion
New Member
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Posted: 2 Aug 2006 04:28 pm |
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You obviously seem like you want to change your lifestyle. If I were you, I'd try talk to your wife again about your problem. She must care for you and want you to become healthier just as much as you do. Sit down with her and make shopping lists or a diet and exercise plan that you both can follow. It's easier to lose weight when you have someone doing it with you, or at least cheering you on. Good luck!
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Peter
Founder of this forum
| Joined: | 24 May 2005 |
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| Posts: | 4180 |
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Posted: 3 Aug 2006 06:42 am |
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Posting here is a good start, because we can relate to what you're going through. However, I think you would really benefit from some personal contact. I'd suggest you get yourself to an OA meeting.
http://www.thelegacywebsite.com/tutorial_disorder.html
It really helped me to walk in and sit down and listen to a whole group of people talk about going through the same problem I was. Some were worse off than me and I didn't feel so bad. Others were in the same place as me. And still others had gotten so much better and were an inspiration.
Take some positive action. That always helps when you're depressed.
Peter
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Jim Beam
New Member
| Joined: | 2 Aug 2006 |
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| Posts: | 3 |
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Posted: 3 Aug 2006 07:58 am |
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I tried calling my wife today, but she just hung up on me.
This happened 3 or 4 times within an hour, then I just stopped trying and got out the cookie dough. I feel so pathetic and useless. I feel like dying.
I'm going to get some more food.
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so tinyxx
New Member
| Joined: | 3 Aug 2006 |
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| Posts: | 6 |
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Posted: 3 Aug 2006 09:01 am |
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Im sorry things seem so hard for you at the moment.. but give it time & things do get better. I cant pretend to know how u feel. Even though i am young i've still had my fair share of relationship problems & this has often led me to eating - not beacause i am hungry but because for those 5 minutes that i was consuming all those excess calories i didnt have to think about what was really bothering me.
But food isn't the answer. Its obvious that you love your wife & want to talk to her. Perhaps she is just struggling to support you right now. This must be as hard for her as it is for you. You need to take care of yourself. Its obvious that food is just making you more upset. It's adding to the problem - not taking away from it.
There are alot of people you can talk to. Family, Friends... there are always places you can find the support that you need. I agree that it helps alot to listen to other peoples stories. Finding people who are going through the same thing is often one of the best things you can do.
I think what might be helpful, is if you really stop & think about what you want. Do you want to be healthy & change your life? yes.. then do something about it. Make some goals & start taking small steps towards them.
Your not pathetic
Take Care
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the zoom man
New Member
| Joined: | 3 Aug 2006 |
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| Posts: | 1 |
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Posted: 3 Aug 2006 05:53 pm |
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James,
I am not a "health nut" by any stretch, and when I go to the gym, can barely bench press my own body weight, nor have I been on this site very long ( I was lurking for quite some time though, and felt this was as good a time as any to join.)
But I do recognize that I can see you have a legitimate problem, and your post sounds to me like a genuine cry for help.
I hope you can find the courage to call back your wife, and that she answers the phone with loving arms when you do, but until then, have you thought about being resourceful?
For Example:
You already know in times of stress, you may react irrationally, so to combat that, instead of purchasing say, the caloric cookie dough ( see where I'm going here?) You could attempt to purchase the fat free variety, so even if you do have a "slip" that you can't mentally control, at least beforehand you planned for this, and as weight gain goes down, weight loss will climb.
I hope this has been of help, somewhat.
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REDQUEEN
New Member
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Posted: 3 Aug 2006 08:11 pm |
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DEAR JIM,
I WAS JUST SKIMMING THROUGH THE FORUM, WHICH I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO DO FOR A FEW DAYS, AND I SAW YOUR POST. BLESS YOUR HEART, I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL. IT MAY NOT FEEL LIKE IT TO YOU RIGHT NOW, BUT YOU HAVE ALREADY TAKEN THE FIRST STEP ON YOUR JOURNEY. YOU REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT ARE IN YOUR SITUATION, BUT THEY HAVEN'T RECOGNIZED IT YET.
I, TOO, HAVE A PROBLEM WITH EMOTIONAL EATING. ONE THING THAT HAS HELPED ME IS A FOOD/CALORIE JOURNAL/NOTEBOOK. EVERY TIME YOU THINK THAT YOU WANT TO EAT BECAUSE YOU ARE UPSET, WRITE IN YOUR BOOK. YOU WILL BE SURPRISED HOW MUCH THAT WILL HELP YOU.
I AM GOING TO BE PRAYING ESPECIALLY HARD FOR YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. DON'T GIVE UP, START WRITING, OR YOU COULD EVEN WRITE HERE. I HAVE SOME OTHER IDEAS, BUT I AM AT WORK  AND I CAN'T PUT THEM ALL DOWN NOW.
LET ME KNOW IF I CAN HELP YOU. YOU ARE IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.
YOUR FRIEND,
REDQUEEN
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Peter
Founder of this forum
| Joined: | 24 May 2005 |
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| Posts: | 4180 |
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Posted: 4 Aug 2006 05:44 am |
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Jim,
My compliments to the people posting to support you. Some great stuff for you to consider.
I'd hang up real fast if someone called me -- especially four times in an hour -- if I didn't want to talk to them. Maybe right now you need to talk to someone who can help you get into a better place. Then you will become attractive to your wife again. Mind and body.
Hang in there,
Peter
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Nir
Senior Administrator
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Posted: 4 Aug 2006 12:30 pm |
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Realising and admiting we have a problem is a good first step. You recognise that you need to lose fat to get back to a healthy weight and feel good about yourself. You recognise that food intake (eating junk food) is the cause. At this stage it sounds like you are in emotional turmoil and living "one minute at a time". Remember that staying focused on the task (eating healthier and eating the right amount) is important because it takes just 5 minutes of eating the wrong things to undo a whole day of good eating.
- Is this important enough for you to consider throwing those bad-for-you foods away, giving them away or locking them where you can't get at them?
- If you have any questions about what is healthy to eat, please ask them here and there'll be people happy to help.
- One technique is to repeat to yourself (or repeatedly write out) a positive affirmation phrased in the present tense that you wish was already true, for example "I only nourish my body with healthy foods and I only eat when I'm hungry". Think about it this way - if you keep going around thinking "I eat unhealthy foods when I'm upset" you are giving yourself license to keep doing that. You need some positive thinking to break out of the cycle.
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Jim Beam
New Member
| Joined: | 2 Aug 2006 |
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| Posts: | 3 |
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Posted: 16 Aug 2006 11:07 am |
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Sorry I havent been able to update in a while, I only just got out of hospital.
I thought I'd post up here to let you all know I'm alright (not that you care but whatever)
Well here goes.
I had only just finishing writing my last post, when i decided to go get some more cookie dough, halfway to the fridge i walked past the shelf where I keep the scissors and such. I felt the urge to pick up the scissors, but I ignored it and went to the fridge and got the cookie dough out. I had to open it and got a knife to cut the end off, I cut it off and accidentally nicked my finger with the blade, heres the strange part, I... I liked it.
The pain felt good, its kind of hard to understand but it did. I got the blade and i cut my wrists. The blood flowing felt like all the pain was flowing out of me, after a few seconds i started to get lightheaded and passed out. My neighbours tell me that they heard a loud bang from my house and immediatley rushed over to see if i was ok. they saw me with blood flowing from both wrists, the wife called an ambulance while the husband pressed on the wound with a white cloth.
I woke up in the hospital a few days after, and decided then and there I needed help. I asked the nurse to keep me on suicide watch and if she could get me some physcological help. She agreed and got me a really good shrink, over the few days ive been seeing her she has really helped me get my confidence up, i still have a long way to go but i think with your support and this doctors help i can really do this
Bye bye for now.
Jim.
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REDQUEEN
New Member
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Posted: 16 Aug 2006 05:38 pm |
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HEY JIM,
I AM SO GLAD TO HEAR FROM YOU. OF COURSE THERE ARE MANY OF US HERE THAT REALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS TO YOU, AS WELL AS EACH OTHER.
I HAVE THOUGHT OF YOU SO OFTEN, AND I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SAD NEWS.
BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE , SOME TIMES WE MUST PASS THROUGH SOME VERY  DARK, HARD, AND SCARY PLACES IN ORDER TO GET TO WHERE WE CAN START DOWN THE RIGHT PATH. IT SOUNDS AS IF THAT IS WHERE YOU ARE NOW.
YOU CAN DO THIS. STICK WITH YOUR THERAPIST, AND REMEMBER THAT EVERY MINUTE IS A BRAND NEW START. YOU REMAIN IN MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS.
PLEASE KEEP US UPDATED ON YOUR PROGRESS, AND ANY WAY THAT I MIGHT HELP.
YOUR FRIEND,
REDQUEEN
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